Witty Quotes

#1. He must love such a handsome, noble, witty, accomplished lady; and probably she loves him, or, if not his person, at least his purse #Quote by Charlotte Bronte

#2. The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. #Quote by Woody Allen

#3. Look-At-Me-Being-So-Totally-Open-And-Sincere-I-Rise-Above-The-Whole-Disingenuous-Posing-Process-Of-Attracting-Someone-,-And-I-Transcend-The-Common-Disingenuity-In-A-Bar-Herd-In-A-Particularly-Hip-And-Witty-Self-Aware-Way-,-And-If-You-Will-Let-Me-Pick-You-Up-I-Will-Not-Only-Keep-Being-This-Wittily,-Transcendently-Open-,-But-Will-Bring-You-Into-This-World-Of-Social-Falsehood-Transcendence, #Quote by David Foster Wallace

#4. Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a huge research staff to study the problem. #Quote by Bill Vaughan

#5. My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. #Quote by Emo Philips

#6. As Thomas Hobbes said, If I read as many books as most men do, I would be as dull-witted as they are. #Quote by Mortimer J. Adler

#7. Quotation ... A writer expresses himself in words that have been used before because they give his meaning better than he can give it himself, or because they are beautiful or witty, or because he expects them to touch a cord of association in his reader, or because he wishes to show that he is learned and well read. Quotations due to the last motive are invariably ill-advised; the discerning reader detects it and is contemptuous; the undiscerning is perhaps impressed, but even then is at the same time repelled, pretentious quotations being the surest road to tedium. #Quote by Henry Watson Fowler

#8. Howard Zinn was magical as a teacher. Witty, irreverent, and wise, he loved what he was teaching and clearly wanted his students to love it, also. #Quote by Alice Walker

#9. Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. #Quote by John Von Neumann

#10. Laugh not too much; the witty man laughs least: For wit is news only to ignorance. Lesse at thine own things laugh; lest in the jest Thy person share, and the conceit advance. #Quote by George Herbert

#11. A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. #Quote by Groucho Marx

#12. When I battle wits with Jarod Kintz I always feel like I need to take my brain out to give him a transplant. Bad part is we don't have any. #Quote by Will Advise

#13. Never ask while you are doing it if what you are doing is fun. Don't introduce even your most reliably witty acquaintance as someone who will set the table on a roar. #Quote by Christopher Hitchens

#14. They had to ask spain I think, they've had to say to Spain, can you lend us some stuff for the roads, and it's Gordon Brown phoning up going 'pass the salt' #Quote by Michael McIntyre

#15. Being witty was the only side effect of being depressed that was working for me. #Quote by Jessi Klein

#16. We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe. #Quote by Dan Quayle

#17. I wish I knew all the answers, how to be perfect, attractive and witty. But I'm just a human being with all the regular faults and it seems no matter how hard I try, I can't change that. #Quote by Rebekah Joy Anast

#18. You said she works at an ice-cream shop around here, right?" He made a big show of wiping the sweat off his brow. "Come to think of it, a nice double cone would really hit the spot in this heat."

Zach's expression was one of pure teenage mortification. "Yeah, because that's exactly what will help my inability to talk to her - my older brother watching and critiquing all my moves."

"I thought we'd already established that you don't have any moves."

"Now that's funny. Picking on someone half your age. Hey, here's an idea: I'll introduce you to Paige as soon as I meet this so-called smart, witty, and hot woman you're supposedly seeing. Sounds a lot like one of those made-up girlfriends who live in Niagara Falls."

"She's real. I'm seeing her tonight, in fact." They hadn't decided their specific plans yet, but Brooke had texted him last night, asking if he was free.

"Wow. You actually, like, beamed when you said that."

"Get out of here," Cade scoffed. "I did not."

"What's her name?"

Cade opened his mouth to answer, then paused.

Zach grinned. "Worried you can't say it without beaming again?"

Ridiculous. "Her name is Brooke." He deliberately maintained a straight face

Zach made a big show of studying him, presumably looking for any sign of this alleged "beaming." He stepped closer and then, with a comically scrutinizing face, slowly looked at one side of Cade's fa #Quote by Julie James

#19. A witty writer is like a porcupine; his quill makes no distinction between friend and foe. #Quote by Josh Billings

#20. There was nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. #Quote by Ross Macdonald

#21. Yeah, go ahead and get the forbidden garden comment out of your system. And no matter what witty snake joke you're considering? Trust me, I've heard it. #Quote by Leah Clifford

#22. They were all tall and slender with heads groomed like manikins' heads, and as they talked the heads waved gracefully above their dark tailored suits, rather like long-stemmed flowers and rather like cobras' hoods. #Quote by F Scott Fitzgerald

#23. For table-talk, I prefer the pleasant and witty before the learned and the grave; in bed, beauty before goodness. #Quote by Michel De Montaigne

#24. John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight ... #Quote by Groucho Marx

#25. Vote early and vote often. #Quote by Al Capone

#26. There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open? #Quote by Woody Allen

#27. If a man does his best, what else is there? - General George Patton Jr. (1885-1945) #Quote by Thad Forester

#28. Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past. #Quote by Erica Jong

#29. Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang. #Quote by Amit Kalantri

#30. Change is not a four letter word ... but often your reaction to it is! #Quote by Jeffrey Gitomer

#31. Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication #Quote by Groucho Marx

#32. His principles were out of date, but there was a good deal to be said for his prejudices. #Quote by Oscar Wilde

#33. You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles. #Quote by Mae West

#34. There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. #Quote by Josh Billings

#35. I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess. #Quote by Dennis Miller

#36. Can you tell me the difference between a witch and a wizard?
Sure, a wizard is what they call you when they want to hire you, and a witch is what they call you when they're getting ready to run you out of town. #Quote by Barbara Hambly

#37. When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor. #Quote by Rich Hall

#38. People who can't be witty exert themselves to be devout and affectionate. #Quote by George Eliot

#39. A lawyer can steal more money with a briefcase than a thousand men with guns. #Quote by Mario Puzo

#40. Life is extraordinarily suave and sweet with certain natural, witty, affectionate people who have unusual distinction and are capable of every vice, but who make a display of none in public and about whom no one can affirm they have a single one. There is something supple and secret about them. Besides, their perversity gives spice to their most innocent occupations, such as taking a walk in the garden at night. #Quote by Marcel Proust

#41. I have been in several provinces. In some one-half of the people are fools, in others they are too cunning; in some they are weak and simple, in others they affect to be witty; in all, the principal occupation is love, the next is slander, and the third is talking nonsense. #Quote by Voltaire

#42. All my friends are funny, witty, fun-loving people. As are my parents, and the people I work with. I get at least a couple of good laughs in every day. #Quote by Toks Olagundoye

#43. I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from Tom Stoppard, who in those days smoked not just between courses,but between mouthfuls. An American woman watched in disbelief.
"And you so intelligent!"
"Excuse me?" said tom
"Knowing those things are going to kill you" she said "and still you do it."
"How differently I might behave" Tom said, "if immortality were an option #Quote by Stephen Fry

#44. I'm p-paralyzed with happiness. - She laughed again, as if she said something very witty, and held my hand for a moment, looking up into my face, promising that there was no one in the world she so much wanted to see. That was a way she had. #Quote by F Scott Fitzgerald

#45. Well, if only I wasn't too much the gentleman to flay your spirit with a witty and cutting retort, madam, you'd be ... thoroughly ... um, wittily retorted at this very instant. - Locke Lamora #Quote by Scott Lynch

#46. It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and you ought to make some kind of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples. #Quote by Jane Austen

#47. Anger will make a dull man witty, but very little money. #Quote by Elizabeth I

#48. One movie I think is just terrific is 'Bernie,' with Jack Black and Shirley MacLaine. That was a great surprise to me - so witty, so entertaining, a true story, and I'm not a great Jack Black fan, but he's great in it. I think it's a gem. #Quote by Robert Osborne

#49. It would be easy, however, to exaggerate the havoc wrought by such artificial conditions. The monotony we observe in mankind must not be charged to the oppressive influence of circumstances crushing the individual soul. It is not society's fault that most men seem to miss their vocation. Most men have no vocation; and society, in imposing on them some chance language, some chance religion, and some chance career, first plants an ideal in their bosoms and insinuates into them a sort of racial or professional soul. Their only character is composed of the habits they have been led to acquire. Some little propensities betrayed in childhood may very probably survive; one man may prove by his dying words that he was congenitally witty, another tender, another brave.But these native qualities will simply have added an ineffectual tint to some typical existence or other; and the vast majority will remain, as Schopenhauer said, Fabrikwaaren der Natur. #Quote by George Santayana

#50. Everyone remembers the pop-quiz hotshot bit from 'Speed' because it's extremely funny, and it's really smart and really witty. And the notion that action movies can have dialogue that pops just as well as the explosions is something that I hope more people continue to remember. #Quote by Graham Moore

#51. SPOILER ALERT: We all die in the end. #Quote by Stewart Stafford

#52. Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering. #Quote by Marilyn Vos Savant

#53. Please don't arrest me."
"Listen to me, I'm not going to arrest you, ok? I'm not a cop."
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure I'm not a cop? yes, I'm sure."
"You could be undercover. #Quote by Derek Landy

#54. I'd rather walk these chasms with a compulsive murderer than you. At least then, when the conversation got tedious, I'd have an easy way out."
"And your feet stink," [Shallan] said. "See? Too early. I can't possibly be witty at this hour. So no arguments." She hesitated, then continued more softly. "Besides, no murderer would agree to accompany you. Everyone needs to have some standards, after all. #Quote by Brandon Sanderson

#55. Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? #Quote by Mark Twain

#56. He could be so charming and irreverent and witty, and then-bam!-a switch flipped and he reverted right back to the cocky asshole everyone reported him to be. #Quote by Lauren Weisberger

#57. Next to being witty, the best thing is being able to quote another's wit. #Quote by Christian Nestell Bovee

#58. Thought Experiment: Imagine that you are Johnny Carson and find yourself caught in an intolerable one-on-one conversation at a cocktail party from which there is no escape. Which of the two following events would you prefer to take place: (1) That the other person become more and more witty and charming, the music more beautiful, the scene transformed to a villa at Capri on the loveliest night of the year, while you find yourself more and more at a loss; or (2) that you are still in Beverly Hills and the chandeliers begin to rattle, a 7.5 Richter earthquake takes place, and presently you find yourself and the other person alive and well, and talking under a mound of rubble.
If your choice is (2), explain why it is possible for a true conversation to take place under the conditions of (2) but not (1). #Quote by Walker Percy

#59. Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. #Quote by Kurt Vonnegut

#60. I shall approach. Before taking off his hat, I shall take off my own. I shall say, "The Marquis de Saint Eustache, I believe." He will say, "The celebrated Mr. Syme, I presume." He will say in the most exquisite French, "How are you?" I shall reply in the most exquisite Cockney, "Oh, just the Syme."'
'Oh shut it ... what are you really going to do?'
'But it was a lovely catechism! ... Do let me read it to you. It has only forty-three questions and answers, some of the Marquis's answers are wonderfully witty. I like to be just to my enemy.'
'But what's the good of it all?' asked Dr. Bull in exasperation.
'It leads up to the challenge ... when the Marquis as given the forty-ninth reply, which runs
'
'Has it ... occurred to you ... that the Marquis may not say all the forty-three things you have put down for him?'
'How true that is! ... Sir, you have a intellect beyond the common. #Quote by G.K. Chesterton

#61. What's that?' Thaniel said, curious. The postmarks and stamps weren't English or Japanese.

'A painting. There's a depressed Dutchman who does countryside scenes and flowers and things. It's ugly, but I have to maintain the estates in Japan and modern art is a good investment. #Quote by Natasha Pulley

#62. Dead yet?" Gus answered.
I smirked. "Not yet, but the night's still young."
"Here's hoping. #Quote by Jessica Shirvington

#63. Facts are the enemy of truth. #Quote by Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra

#64. I was on the first one when I felt his fingers encircle my wrist. "Sophie, come on. I don't want to fight with you."
Turning, I opened my mouth to say I didn't want to fight with him either. But before I could, I saw the telltale flash out of the corner of my eye, and the next thing I knew, my arm was jerking out of his grasp. "If you don't want to fight with her, maybe you shouldn't suggest she team up with people who want to kill her," my voice snarled.
Archer backed up so fast he nearly stumbled, and I wasn't sure I'd ever seen him look so freaked out. But he recovered quickly. "Elodie, if I wanted to talk to you, I'd do a séance or something. Maybe go on an episode of Ghost Hunters. But right now, I want to talk to Sophie. So clear out."
Elodie had no intention of doing that. "You always were a crappy boyfriend," she said. "Once you left, I chalked that up to you, you know, not actually liking me. But unless I'm blind as well as dead, you really like Sophie. In fact, hard as it is for me to fathom, I think you love her."
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Screw that, she retorted. You two spend all your time making stupid jokes and being all witty. Someone has to get real.
"What's your point?" Archer asked, narrowing his eyes at me. Her. Whatever. God, this was getting confusing.
"Cal loves her, too, you know. And the last time I checked, he wasn't part of a cult of monster killers. I'm just saying that if you're going have loyalties that divid #Quote by Rachel Hawkins

#65. Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. #Quote by Groucho Marx

#66. You are the most amazing girl i know. And it´s not just that you´re hot, which you are, but you´re smart and witty and fun, and you take action to get what you want. Whenever you´re faced with something tough, you don´t sit back and sulk, but you figure out a way to make things better and then you go do it. #Quote by Michelle Madow

#67. Actors," he says, "should only be superficial on the surface. #Quote by Johnny Rich

#68. I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep. #Quote by James M. Loy

#69. Because of my mother, who gave me definitions, I knew what I was committed to in life ... I had the most satisfactory of childhoods because Mother, small, delicate-boned, witty, and articulate, turned out to be exactly my age. #Quote by Kay Boyle

#70. Nobody thanks a witty man for politeness when he puts himself on a par with a society in which it would not be polite to show one's wit. #Quote by Friedrich Nietzsche

#71. A technicality I'm prepared to hide wildly behind. #Quote by Jim Butcher

#72. Pretty?' I said, swivelling in the driver's seat to face him, 'you want to ask me out because I'm pretty?' 'Is there a problem with asking you out because you're pretty?' 'I think you blew it,' said Tiger with a grin. 'You should be asking her out because she's smart, witty, mature beyond her years and every moment in her company makes you want to be a better person - pretty of face should be at the bottom of the list.' 'Oh, blast,' said Perkins despondently. 'It should, shouldn't it? #Quote by Jasper Fforde

#73. The history of most women is hidden either by silence, or by flourishes and ornaments that amount to silence. #Quote by Virginia Woolf

#74. I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything. #Quote by Oscar Wilde

#75. If you wanted nothing done at all, Balfour was the man for the job. #Quote by Winston Churchill

#76. To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it. #Quote by Andre Maurois

#77. Marianne would have thought herself very inexcusable had she been able to sleep at all the first night after parting from Willoughby. She would have been ashamed to look her family in the face the next morning, had she not risen from her bed in more need of repose than when she lay down in it. But the feelings which made such composure a disgrace, left her in no danger of incurring it. She was awake the whole night, and she wept the greatest part of it. She got up with an head-ache, was unable to talk, and unwilling to take any nourishment; giving pain every moment to her mother and sisters, and forbidding all attempt at consolation from either. Her sensibility was potent enough! #Quote by Jane Austen

#78. As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer. #Quote by Mita Jain

#79. Pornography is in the loin of the beholder. #Quote by Charles Rembar

#80. When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through. #Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

#81. Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action #Quote by Ian Fleming

#82. Some BuzzFeed articles are written by smart people who use complete sentences. Some of the disposable lists are witty and appear to have taken some effort to put together. #Quote by Alex Pareene

#83. Jason smiled and took a sip of his coke before responding. I'm not sure how to reply to that. I thought about just giving you a nasty look. But I see you already have one. #Quote by Mark A. Cooper

#84. Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired. #Quote by Mae West

#85. If someone makes you feel wrong-footed, you're unlikely to find them witty. #Quote by Rosamund Pike

#86. It was a typically British birth ... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward ... I came out in sympathy. #Quote by Bob Hope

#87. If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor. #Quote by Groucho Marx

#88. Pearls are congealed oyster spit. #Quote by Margaret Atwood

#89. If every witty thing that's said was true, Oscar Wilde, the world would worship You! #Quote by Michael R. Burch

#90. I searched for something witty to say, settled for bare honesty. I want to pee. #Quote by Lili St. Crow

#91. When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. #Quote by David Brenner

#92. Some people say, "Never let them see you cry." I say, if you're so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone. #Quote by Tina Fey

#93. Having something worth telling and a passion to tell it are what make you a good writer. I can't tell you how many times I've read novels or articles that used complicated words and witty wordplay to cover up the fact that they had absolutely no story to tell. A good story should be enjoyed; sometimes simplicity can go a long way. #Quote by Chris Colfer

#94. Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent. #Quote by Antoine Rivarol

#95. Dear Mr. Right

People say you don't exist. Yes, I agree no one is perfect but people can be right with all the imperfections and flaws. Can't they? So, You must know that I do believe in you. I do believe somewhere out there you do exist.

Yesterday my friend told me that you aren't riding a White horse but the tortoise that is why you are taking eons to reach me. But that's okay with me, I don't have any preference for your choice of a commute as long as you are using Google Maps with me as your destination.

You must have detoured a lot. Hope you had fun but now it's time we start our own adventure. So, reach soon.

Yours Forever #Quote by Ankita Singhal

#96. I'd like to do music in the same way - in a witty way. People think of YG artists as rarely appearing on TV but I'd like to make Big Bang fans happy through various mediums. #Quote by Seungri

#97. My libido was like a Golden Retriever puppy, ready to jump all over him and lick his face.
Down, girl. #Quote by Sarina Bowen

#98. A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man. #Quote by Cyrano De Bergerac

#99. You know, you're rather amusingly wrong. #Quote by Terry Pratchett

#100. I most enjoyed doing 'Whites,' a show BBC2 cancelled after one series. It had some beautiful, witty, charming scripts and was one of the most positive ensemble pieces I've done. I thought the end result was really special. I'm still confused about why it didn't last longer. #Quote by Darren Boyd

#101. Say my name."

"No." She tipped her head up, her breath sawing out of her lungs. "Don't stop, please."

He languidly stroked her. "I won't stop, but I won't take you there unless you say it."

Her voice locked in her throat.

He stroked into her again at the same time giving her the pressure she desired with his thumb. "I have all night. #Quote by Jessica Lemmon

#102. You fail to overlook the crucial point. #Quote by Samuel Goldwyn

#103. At least as coherent as the Gettysburg Address backwards in Albanian, anyway. #Quote by Norman Spinrad

#104. If you fight angry, you make a lot of mistakes, and when you fight a sharp, witty fighter like me, you can't make mistakes. #Quote by Floyd Mayweather, Jr.

#105. God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. #Quote by Naguib Mahfouz

#106. Grave authors say, and witty poets sing, That honest wedlock is a glorious thing. #Quote by Alexander Pope

#107. A witty and informative professor posits that more authors do not choose titles borrowed from Shakespeare's sonnets and plays for the reason some people claim not to have partners: "All the good ones are taken." #Quote by Thomas C. Foster

#108. Wars and elections are both too big and too small to matter in the long run. The daily work - that goes on, it adds up. #Quote by Barbara Kingsolver

#109. Yet, despite the snappy repartee and often-witty scripts, West Wing was a remarkably silly program. Has there ever been a group of real White House staffers as admirable and lovable as the West Wing ensemble, that selfless, high-minded, public-spirited, fundamentally decent pack of . . . political operators? Sorkin's White House existed in a Bizarro World where the Oval Office is apparently devoid of office politics. Fans of the show never saw the sort of infighting, backstabbing, and jockeying for position that appear in real-world accounts of White House life, like George Reedy's Twilight of the Presidency and John Dean's Blind Ambition. #Quote by Gene Healy

#110. He read his own obituary and an editorial lamenting his demise and praising his fortitude and immediately began to think up witty ways of writing to the paper to announce his continued and uninterrupted existence. The other two joined in the game with enthusiasm, and soon all three of them were howling with laughter and emptying bottles at a rate which would have alarmed even a depressed Scandinavian. #Quote by Louis De Bernieres

#111. Men are only as loyal as their options. #Quote by Bill Maher

#112. It's easier to limit yourself, but if you do, you will never reach your true potential. #Quote by Chris Witty

#113. Have you ever fired one of those before?" Peter teases. "How hard can it be?" The first time we said those words seems like lifetimes ago. "I don't know, but you make it look nearly impossible." "You're hilarious. Who needs a gun when you can just knock 'em dead with your wit?" "I am pretty witty. So, are you ready?" "No, are you?" "Not in the slightest." "Oh good, we're all set then. #Quote by Jamie Canosa

#114. Is there a word for 'total screaming genius' that sounds modest and a tiny bit sexy? #Quote by Steven Moffat

#115. We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be. #Quote by Lauren Hutton

#116. My main problem is that over and over again, I try to get all my characters to say stuff that I think is so witty or erudite you know, so that everybody will go. #Quote by Anne Lamott

#117. I am so frickin' cool and delicious and pretty and witty and sharp! I love every inch of me! Who wouldn't? #Quote by Kris Carr

#118. One of the less vaunted joys of Austen is that she is one of the greatest writers in the English language who also happened to write witty romance novels. Women enjoy the love stories in Austen the same way men read Hemingway for the hunting and fishing: it provides guiltless pleasure. #Quote by Alessandra Stanley

#119. And then he grins back, and I'm giddy and breathless and kind of unraveled. And I didn't sleep at all last night. Not even for a second. I've basically been picturing this moment for ten hours, and now that it's here, I don't have a clue what I'm supposed to say. Probably something awesome and witty and not school-related. Probably not: "Did you finish the chapter? #Quote by Becky Albertalli

#120. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command
such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them. #Quote by Jeffrey R. Holland

#121. If the Good Lord had intended us to crawl, he'd have given us a hundred legs and an exosqueleton. #Quote by Tom Holt

#122. It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much. #Quote by Lemony Snicket

#123. One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty. #Quote by Jane Austen

#124. She [Gypsy Rose Lee] was a sophisticated self-satirist with a contagious delight in the comedy of sex. She was coy; she was sly; she always had a witty quip; she had an intensely dramatic presence. #Quote by Karen Abbott

#125. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? #Quote by George Carlin

#126. A rollicking good read-THE HUNTER is steampunk with a Wild West feel. Theresa Meyers is an entertaining and witty writer with a fresh, new voice in the genre. THE HUNTER is a fun-filled ride through a world of demons, vampires, and things that go bump in the night, and kept me turning pages until the very end. #Quote by Yasmine Galenorn

#127. He spoke with such self-confidence that his hearers could not be sure whether what he said was very witty or very stupid. #Quote by Leo Tolstoy

#128. Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting. #Quote by Finley Peter Dunne

#129. She lives in the feminist "wishful-thinking world," as the Village Voice called it, dreamed up by creator Amy Sherman Palladino, where single moms raise brilliant daughters and men are nothing more than trifling distractions. I live in a post-feminist world that kicked in after the advent of Gilmore Girls, a place where Maureen Dowd asks Are Men Necessary? and we answer, "Not really." Modern girls may not talk as fast as the Gilmore girls or engage in witty repartee with colorful townsfolk, but as far as female empowerment goes, we're catching up fast. #Quote by Jennifer Crusie

#130. Mick required far less hand-holding than Michael. Signing the Stones, though, had required a full frontal assault worthy of General Patton, one of my heroes. The final battle exploded at the Ritz Hotel in Paris back in '83. After months of relentless pursuit, I had them. All they had to do was sign when suddenly at 3 A.M. Mick goes mental and calls me a "stupid motherfuckin' record executive." I lose it. I reach for his throat. I have a vision of punching out all ninety-eight pounds of him. I stop myself, envisioning tomorrow's headline - "Yetnikoff Kills Jagger." Jagger relents, signs and from then on it's wine and roses. It was Mick - wily and witty Mick - who later that year plotted with my girlfriend, the one called Boom Boom, to throw me a surprise fiftieth birthday bash where Henny Youngman emceed and Jon Peters, Barbra #Quote by Walter Yetnikoff

#131. He treats me like the dirt under my feet. #Quote by Samuel Goldwyn

#132. In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do. #Quote by Joan Didion

#133. As a general rule, when you comment on a blog, make it knowledgeable or witty and, most of all, relevant to that post - then, simply sign it with your name and your book title. Resist the urge to brag or sell your book. #Quote by M.J. Rose

#134. And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first! #Quote by Susan Kay

#135. Whenever I start feeling too arrogant about myself, I always take a trip to the U.S. The immigration guys kick the star out of my stardom. #Quote by Shah Rukh Khan

#136. I would not like to live in a world without cathedrals. I need their beauty and grandeur. I need their imperious silence. I need it against the witless bellowing of the barracks yard and the witty chatter of the yes-men. I want to hear the rustling of the organ, this deluge of ethereal notes. I need it against the shrill farce of marches. #Quote by Pascal Mercier

#137. Whatever gets you through the night #Quote by John Lennon

#138. I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. #Quote by Sam Kinison

#139. Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems ... "
"Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue. #Quote by Robin Hobb

#140. John F. Kennedy brought style and charisma to the White House and a first family that captivated the country: a handsome, witty president, an elegant first lady, and two adorable young children. #Quote by Kitty Kelley

#141. My mother was a terrific force in my life. Wartime-generation woman, hadn't gone to university but should have done. Was very funny, very verbal, very clever, very witty. #Quote by Ian Hislop

#142. Some time ago Ken Galbraith, in his witty and insightful The Great Crash, coined a new economic term: "the bezzle," defined as the current amount of undiscovered embezzlement. This financial creature has a magical quality: The embezzlers are richer by the amount of the bezzle, while the embezzlees do not yet feel poorer. #Quote by Warren Buffett

#143. laughed. "You need to learn how to fight." "I know how to fight." "Physically fight. Most attackers aren't going to be dissuaded by a witty remark." "That's profiling," said Matheus. "Maybe they're Oscar Wilde fans." "He did have great clothes." "Proving that stereotypes can span centuries." "I like to do my part," said Quin. #Quote by Amy Fecteau

#144. If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. #Quote by George Burns

#145. The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate. #Quote by George R R Martin

#146. He wished he had some witty, romantic comeback. But he was the man he was, and words had never been a gift. "How about Delgado? I want to marry you. I want to be a daddy to this baby." He touched his forehead to hers and his heart spilled out. "I want… Oh, God, Jose… I love you so much. I love this baby. I was so scared I was going to lose you and I was never going to get the chance to tell you that I finally wised up and believed what you knew all along."

She lifted one hand to stroke his jaw with her soothing touch. "That we were meant to be together?"

"That I can love - that I do love. You." He turned his face to press a kiss into her palm. "Hell, honey, I've got nothing without you. I am nothing without you. #Quote by Julie Miller

#147. My contributions were many: First clown director, with witty sayings and flashily dressed, now called master of ceremonies. #Quote by Jelly Roll Morton

#148. Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. #Quote by Carol Burnett

#149. If you want it and you dream about it ... there's nothing that's going to stop you. #Quote by Chris Witty

#150. Yes it's going really well. We are planning on having a baby together. #Quote by Shahrukh Khan

#151. Women, somehow, have the same fear of witty men as of fireworks. #Quote by Douglas William Jerrold

#152. Marx wrote that 'History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.' This was witty but far from true. History is never repeated, but it borrows, steals, echoes and commandeers the past to create a hybrid, something unique out of the ingredients of past and present. #Quote by Simon Sebag Montefiore

#153. I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years. #Quote by Tina Fey

#154. The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. #Quote by Will Rogers

#155. A person who speaks cleverly is witty; one who asks questions is smart. #Quote by Terry Carr

#156. I have never been able to understand the complaint that a story is "depressing" because of its subject matter. What depresses me are stories that don't seem to know these things go on, or hide them in resolute chipperness; "witty stories," in which every problem is the occasion for a joke; "upbeat" stories that flog you with transcendence. Please. We're grown ups now. #Quote by Tobias Wolff

#157. There is a thin line of difference in being courageous and foolish! #Quote by Jasleen Kaur Gumber

#158. And why would I be hiding from Master Chubb in his own kitchen?" Halt challenged. Again, Horace shrugged innocently.
"Well, there was a tray of freshly made pies airing on the windowsill, wasn't there? And you're quite fond of pies, aren't you, Halt?"
Halt drew himself up very straight in the saddle. "Are you accusing me of sneaking into that kitchen to steal the pies for myself? Is that it?"
His voice and body language simply reeked of injured dignity.
"Of course not, Halt!" Horace hurried to assure him, and Halt's stiff-shouldered form relaxed a little.
"I just thought I'd give you the opportunity to confess," Horace added. #Quote by John Flanagan

#159. Outward looks are not enough,
Beauty is not common stuff-
Of merriment it is compact,
Playful grace in every act,
Witty laughter, laughing wit:
These are things that go with it,
These surpass the simple graces
In beautiful and silly faces.
Art is beauty; and I say:
Take the lovely fool away!-
If she strips from foot to head
And doesn't ask me into bed. #Quote by Petronius

#160. was also witty and likable, intelligent #Quote by Kathleen Baldwin

#161. Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers nothing personal, your name just happened to come up. #Quote by Charles M. Schulz

#162. There is nothing as tragic as being alive and not enjoying life ... Life should be celebrated! #Quote by Joyce Meyer

#163. Remember Ambrose Bierce's witty definition of the verb 'to pray': 'to ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy'. There are athletes who believe God helps them win - against opponents who would seem, on the face of it, no less worthy of his favouritism. There are motorists who believe God saves them a parking space - thereby presumably depriving somebody else. This style of theism is embarrassingly popular, and is unlikely to be impressed by anything as (superficially) reasonable as NOMA. Nevertheless, #Quote by Richard Dawkins

#164. I will not pretend I wasn't petrified. I was. But mixed in with the awful fear was a glorious feeling of excitement. Most of the really exciting things we do in our lives scare us to death. They wouldn't be exciting if they didn't. #Quote by Roald Dahl

#165. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. #Quote by William J. Clinton

#166. Our sweetest hopes rise blooming. And then again are gone, They bloom and fade alternate, And so it goes rolling on. I know it, and it troubles My life, my love, my rest, My heart is wise and witty, And it bleeds within my breast. #Quote by Heinrich Heine

#167. Nowadays three witty turns of phrase and a lie make a writer. #Quote by Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

#168. It's not fundamentally different to any other genre, that action is a particular thing. Being able to do action sounds like it should be straightforward, but it really isn't. I always want the action to be witty. I don't want it to be merely routine. #Quote by Adrian Hodges

#169. Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn't have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by her name. #Quote by Rucy Ban

#170. Laughter not only makes the journey endurable and even enjoyable, it also helps keep us healthy ... Be like a child: learn to laugh more! #Quote by Joyce Meyer

#171. Ear demons are totally real," Cody said. "They're what make microphones like these ones work. They're also what tell you to eat the last slice of pie when you know Tia wanted it. #Quote by Brandon Sanderson

#172. There are so many "tools for life" that you are going to hear about, every day. But obviously I tell my son what I believe in most of all. I always tell my son, "The wheels that are going to get you through daily life are two things: Humour and Wit. Add a cup of humour and a cup of wit to every hour of your life and these are the wheels that will keep you turning." Humour and Wit. Remember that. #Quote by C. JoyBell C.

#173. Ranta: Let's just pray that she actually is a tsundere... Though, if she were a tsundere, obviously, the one she'd go dere for is me, you know? That's kind of... not so bad, I guess?

Moguzo: O-Obviously, she wouldn't go dere for Ranta, I think...

Ranta: Oh, shut up, Moguzo! #Quote by Ao Jyumonji

#174. Friends from America!(Translation:"Tourist with Money")Look this way! #Quote by Amanda Hudson

#175. Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live. #Quote by Mignon McLaughlin

#176. It's important to talk about it. You raise awareness. But you can also prevent it (child abuse) by not letting it be a secret. #Quote by Chris Witty

#177. I can't sing very well but I'd like to try. #Quote by Elvis Presley

#178. How often, when we have been nearest each other bodily, have we really been farthest off! Our tongues were the witty foils with which we fenced each other off. #Quote by Henry David Thoreau

#179. I watched you undress. Shame on you! #Quote by Ljupka Cvetanova

#180. You're starting to sound a lot like my mother." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Repetitive." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Very funny. #Quote by Brandon Sanderson

#181. Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. #Quote by Joe Rogan

#182. GENERAL BOOKS ABOUT LANGUAGE Highly readable, witty, and provocative is Roger Brown's Words and Things. Also readable, magnificent, though sometimes too dogmatic, is Eric H. Lenneberg's Biological Foundations of Language. The deepest and most beautiful explorations of all are to be found in L. S. Vygotsky's Thought and Language, originally published in Russian, posthumously, in 1934, and later translated by Eugenia Hanfmann and Gertrude Vahar. Vygotsky has been described - not unjustly - as "the Mozart of psychology." A personal favorite of mine is Joseph Church's Language and the Discovery of Reality: A Developmental Psychology of Cognition, a book one goes back to again and again. #Quote by Oliver Sacks

#183. He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look amiable #Quote by Emma Goldrick

#184. Sir, money, money, the most charming of all things; money, which will say more in one moment than the most elegant lover can in years. Perhaps you will say a man is not young; I answer he is rich. He is not genteel, handsome, witty, brave, good-humored, but he is rich, rich, rich, rich, rich -that one word contradicts everything you can say against him. #Quote by Henry Fielding

#185. I just hope there's a Daily Hell I can write for. I could do witty editorials like "Hell: Hath It Lost Its Fury?" and maybe weekly updates on who is torturing whom. I'm guessing there will be a plethora of CEOs and politicians to interview. There won't be any religious groups to offend in hell, so I imagine I can write anything I want. Maybe it won't be so bad! #Quote by Chris Colfer

#186. Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. #Quote by Jean-Paul Sartre

#187. Tsukuru nodded. Coming up with witty sayings about life seemed, after all, to be a trait shared by all Finns. The long winters might have something to do with it. #Quote by Haruki Murakami

#188. Tell the truth and you won't have so much to remember #Quote by Abraham Lincoln

#189. The cocktail filled him with a whirling exhilaration behind which he was aware of devastating desires - to rush places in fast motors, to kiss girls, to sing, to be witty ... He perceived that he had gifts of profligacy which had been neglected.
- chapter 8 #Quote by Sinclair Lewis

#190. A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. #Quote by Milton Berle

#191. You are never too old to become younger! #Quote by Mae West

#192. Says O'Sullivan to me, "Mr. Fay, I'll have a word wid yeh?" "Certainly," says I; "what can I do for you?" "Sell me your sea- boots, Mr. Fay," says O'Sullivan, polite as can be. "But what will you be wantin' of them?" says I. "'Twill be a great favour," says O'Sullivan. "But it's my only pair," says I; "and you have a pair of your own," says I. "Mr. Fay, I'll be needin' me own in bad weather," says O'Sullivan. "Besides," says I, "you have no money." "I'll pay for them when we pay off in Seattle," says O'Sullivan. "I'll not do it," says I; "besides, you're not tellin' me what you'll be doin' with them." "But I will tell yeh," says O'Sullivan; "I'm wantin' to throw 'em over the side." And with that I turns to walk away, but O'Sullivan says, very polite and seducin'-like, still a-stroppin' the razor, "Mr. Fay," says he, "will you kindly step this way an' have your throat cut?" And with that I knew my life was in danger, and I have come to make report to you, sir, that the man is a violent lunatic. #Quote by Jack London

#193. The cynics are right nine times out of ten. #Quote by H.L. Mencken

#194. C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. #Quote by Bjarne Stroustrup

#195. Witty people came out in autumn; beauties in July. #Quote by Andrew Holleran

#196. And I wanted to put my fist through your pretty, pampered face." Galen
"As I recall, you did. And then you kicked me in the ass and sent me sprawling, pampered face first, into a pile of horseshit." Styxx
"And you said not a word about it to anyone. You got up, took your training sword, and faced me as if you landed in a bed of poppies. All the while, shit dripping down you."Galen #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#197. I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced. #Quote by Ruby Wax

#198. And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese #Quote by Lucian Bane

#199. He was not witty, nor did he deal in anecdotes. #Quote by Anthony Trollope

#200. And let's not leave out the whole 'Scout is a love whore' issue."
Talley tilted her face up. "What is a love whore exactly?"
"You know, some reckless person who goes around falling in love with every attractive guy she comes across. Charlie, Alex, Liam. I'm all 'Oh! Pretty boy!' and the next thing you know I'm ruining everyone's lives because I want to curl up inside them and liver forever."
"That is quite possibly the most bizarre and creepy description of what it feels like to fall in love I've ever heard."
"Falling in love is bizarre and creepy. #Quote by Tammy Blackwell