Stop Stalking Me Funny Quotes

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Famous Quotes About Stop Stalking Me Funny

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Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Nenia Campbell
#1. We don't have dealings. He just stalks me. I'm popular like that. #Quote by Nenia Campbell
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Cinda Williams Chima
#2. You know, Micah, that first night, when I saw you on Bridge Street, I wanted to kill you. I wanted to cut your throat and watch your blood soak into the dirt. I wanted to wrap a strangle cord around your neck and throttle you while you kicked and messed yourself."
"I'm shaking in my boots," Micah said, looking Han dead in the eyes.
Han stood and took a step toward him. "I'm what's hiding in the side street when you walk home from The Four Horses," he said. "I'm the shadow in Greystone Alley when you go out to take a piss. I'm the foot pad in the corridor when you visit the girlie at Grievous Hall."
Micah's eyes narrowed, his self-assurance wilting a bit. Han could tell he was going back over a hundred suspicious sights and sounds. "You've been following me?"
"I can come and go from your room, any time I want," Han said. "I can tell you what you say when you talk in your sleep. I know what your down low girlie whispers in your ear." He laughed...
Michah licked his lips. "Perhaps you take some kind of perverse pleasure in stalking me... #Quote by Cinda Williams Chima
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Sophie Blackall
#3. Someone wrote to me asking me to illustrate a missed connection that "hasn't happened yet." This guy has seen the same girl waiting at a bus stop on his morning commute for weeks, and has been trying to find a way to approach her. He thought it would be fun to put up a Missed Connections poster [of my painting] on the corner where she waits and see what happens. It is kind of an intriguing idea but there's something a bit too manipulative about it for my liking. It's a fine line between being creative and stalking! #Quote by Sophie Blackall
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Lee  Smith
#4. Suddenly, lots of things of my own life occurred to me for the first time as stories: my great-granddaddy's 'other family' in West Virginia; Hardware Breeding, who married his wife Beulah, four times; how my Uncle Vern taught my daddy to drink good liquor in a Richmond hotel; how I got saved at the tent revival; John Hardin's hanging in the courthouse square; how Petey Chaney rode the flood; the time Mike Holland and I went to the serpent handling-church in Jolo; the murder Daddy saw when he was a boy, out riding his little pony - and never told...
I started to write these stories down. Many years later, I'm still at it. And it's a funny thing: Though I have spent my most of my working life in universities, though I live in piedmont North Carolina now and eat pasta and drive a Subaru, the stories that present themselves to me as worth the telling are often those somehow connected to that place and those people. The mountains that used to imprison me have become my chosen stalking ground. #Quote by Lee Smith
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Hannah Harrington
#5. Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy? #Quote by Hannah Harrington
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Nicholas Sparks
#6. She'd always believed that people come in two varieties: those who look out the windshield and those who stare in the rearview mirror. She'd(Julie) always been the windshield type: gotta focus on the future, not the past, because that's the only part that's still up for grabs. Mom throws me out? Gotta get some food and find a place to live. Husband dies? Gotta keep working, or I'll end up going crazy. Got some guy stalking me? Gotta figure out a way to stop it. #Quote by Nicholas Sparks
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Graham Roumieu
#7. Ok. Listen. I not know where all you morons come from but holy water no hurt Bigfoot. Garlic and Crucifix also no. Fire, Pitchfork, Silver Bullet OK. Cryptonite do nothing. It not even real. Please stop sending letters asking "What you vulnerability? What Bigfoot?" Like I tell. What next me bank account number? Why not you invest time in moving out of parent basement? Maybe have sex or something. Yes I be talking to you Steve. Youuu! Stalking is a crime Steve. #Quote by Graham Roumieu
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Margaret Watson
#8. She thinks you're stalking me."
"Why the hell would I do that? I see too much of your ugly mug as it is. #Quote by Margaret Watson
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Sophie Jordan
#9. What are you doing out here this late?" A frown pulls at his mouth. "It's one in the morning."
"Me?" I walk across the lawn slowly, still not fully trusting. "What are you doing here?" And no, I don't believe he had just been driving by. "Are you stalking me?" Hunting me? I want to add.
He blinks. Some of the tension carving his face loosens then. Replaced with something else. He rubs at the back of his neck. The move is self-conscious. Innately human. Embarrassed.
"I - "
"You are," I pronounce, an unbidden smile coming to my mouth.
"Look," he grumbles, his eyes angry. Defensive. "I just wanted to see where you live."
I stop before him. "Why?"
He rubs the back of his neck again, this time the motion is savage, annoyed. With me or himself, I'm not sure. #Quote by Sophie Jordan
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Sophie Gonzales
#10. Mama, Ollie taught me how to play 'Let It Go' on guitar," Crista piped up in a muffled voice as she pulled her pajama shirt over her head. Aunt Linda shot me a look that was half sheer terror, half witch hunt. The face of someone at peak Frozen saturation. I didn't, I swear, I mouthed, making chopping motions by my neck. #Quote by Sophie Gonzales
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Laura Kreitzer
#11. I wish the Fallen would just come to us for a change."
Ironically, Fallen Angels dropped from the sky and surrounded us.
"I wish I had a chocolate cake!" I exclaimed, staring up.
No cake appeared, though I did get a few wry glances. Andrew's body shook with silent laughter while Lucia gave
me raised eyebrows.
"What? It worked for the Fallen Angels. #Quote by Laura Kreitzer
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Darynda Jones
#12. He took a long draw then asked, "What'd I do?"
"You knew about the guy threatening my dad?"
He paused, shifted in his chair, so freaking busted, it wasn't funny. "They told you?"
"Why, no, Swopes, they didn't. Instead, they waited until the guy knocked the fuck out of my dad and readied him for spaceflight with duct tape then tried to kill me with a butcher's knife. #Quote by Darynda Jones
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Sophie Kinsella
#13. I feel a bit apprehensive as I see that he's looking directly at me. But I'm not doing anything wrong, am I? I mean, it's not like stalking is against the law.
Oh. Well, OK, maybe stalking is against the law. But I've only been doing it for five minutes. Surely that doesn't count. And anyway, how does he know I'm stalking anyone? I might just be sitting here for my pleasure. #Quote by Sophie Kinsella
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Jim Butcher
#14. You're supposed to be a spirit of intellect. I don't understand why you're obsessed with sex."
Bob's voice got defensive. "It's an academic interest, Harry."
"Oh yeah? Well maybe I don't think it's fair to let your academia go peeping in other people's houses."
"Wait a minute. My academia doesn't just peep -"
I held up a hand. "Save it. I don't want to hear it."
He grunted. "You're trivializing what getting out for a bit means to me, Harry. You're insulting my masculinity."
"Bob," I said, "you're a skull . You don't have any masculinity to insult."
"Oh yeah?" Bob challenged me. "Pot kettle black, Harry! Have you gotten a date yet? Huh? Most men have something better to do in the middle of the night than play with their chemistry sets. #Quote by Jim Butcher
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Michael Darling
#15. How did you hurt your side?" she asked.
I let the air out of my lungs, relieved. "While I was distracted by the table, the chair snuck up on me."
Erin looked at me with her head tilted to the side and gave me a dubious expression like she was watching the I.Q. points falling out of my ears.
I laughed, which hurt, and said, "I'm just stupid clumsy. It was embarrassing. Like I was trying to dance with the furniture but the furniture was drunk. #Quote by Michael Darling
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Britney Spears
#16. I find it so funny that people find me so interesting. #Quote by Britney Spears
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by John Green
#17. You know your problem, Quentin? You keep expecting people not to be themselves. I mean, I could hate you for being massively unpunctual and for never being interested in anything other than Margo Roth Spiegelman, and for, like, never asking me about how it's going with my girlfriend - but I don't give a shit, man, because you're you. My parents have a shit ton of black Santas, but that's okay. They're them. I'm too obsessed with a reference website to answer my phone sometimes when my friends call, or my girlfriend. That's okay, too. That's me. You like me anyway. And I like you. You're funny, and you're smart, and you may show up late, but you always show up eventually. #Quote by John Green
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Gemma Halliday
#18. I had to admit it was adorable. You know, in a unicorns-farting-out-rainbows kind of way that made me want to hurl. #Quote by Gemma Halliday
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Shari L. Tapscott
#19. We play and tease, but―darn it―he has not dragged me into the rain and kissed me senseless yet. And that's how it's supposed to happen. I know; I read romance novels. #Quote by Shari L. Tapscott
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Chris Owen
#20. Oh. Momma told me not to tell you that your bed squeaks. But I think you know, 'cause I could hear it this morning. Jake dropped his fork. Tor, for the first time Jake had ever seen, turned scarlet. Maureen looked at them both and sighed. Christmas is always so interesting with you, Mark. #Quote by Chris Owen
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Jenny Han
#21. All right then, you should know that you missed out on mocha sugar donuts."
My mouth falls open. "How'd you get those? I thought the shop didn't open that early!"
"I went out and got them last night specifically for the bus ride," Peter says. "For you and me."
Aw. I'm touched. "Well, are there any left?"
"Nope. I ate them all."
He looks so smug that I reach out and swat at his hoodie strings. "You creep," I say, but I mean it affectionately.
Peter grabs my hand mid-swat and says, "Wanna hear something funny?"
"What?"
"I think I started liking you."
I go completely still. Then I pull my hand away from his, and I start to gather my hair into a ponytail, and then I remember I don't have a hair tie. My heart is thudding in my chest and it's hard to think all of a sudden. "Stop teasing."
"I'm not teasing. Why do you think I kissed you that day at McClaren's house back in seventh grade? It's why I went along with this thing in the first place. I've always thought you were cute."
My face feels hot. "In a quirky way."
Peter grins his perfect grin. "So? I guess I must like quirky, then. #Quote by Jenny Han
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
#22. I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?" #Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Carmelo Anthony
#23. I think I'm the most underrated superstar that's out there, but that doesn't matter to me. #Quote by Carmelo Anthony
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Andy Borowitz
#24. Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting. #Quote by Andy Borowitz
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by N.D. Jones
#25. Because I'm attracted to you. Because you're the poster child for contradictions and I enjoy each one of them. You're funny when you're being so damn serious. You have a kind heart and protective nature that reminds me so much of my father. #Quote by N.D. Jones
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Virginia Smith
#26. It's not funny, Joan. My bras are all in the first row, color-coded alphabetically from left to right, and then a row of panties, all folded in little squares, and then slips. And socks along the back row. Everything's so neat it makes me want to throw up. #Quote by Virginia Smith
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Helena Hunting
#27. Funny how losing someone important is the thing that finally makes me decide to step outside my comfort zone. Now I wish I would've done it sooner. #Quote by Helena Hunting
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Lynsay Sands
#28. You told her I was gay."

"Yes, but see--"

"And she BELIEVED you!" he asked with horror.

"Yes, of course. Why would she think I'd lie about something like that?" she asked with exasperation.

"Julius," Marguerite chastised gently when his father muffled a guffaw.

"Sorry, darling, but he gave me such grief over wooing you that I can't help but think this is funny," Julius said, slipping his arm around Marguerite.

"It isn't funny," Christian growled. "She told my lifemate I'm gay."

Zanipolo gave a bark of laughter. "And she BELIEVED it."

Christian scowled at the man, considering violence until Gia said, "Actually, at first I just said my cugino was gay and didn't tell her which one. She thought it must be you before I said it was Christian.."

"What?" Zanipolo cried. "Why would she think that? Do I look gay?"

Christian growled impatiently, and turned on Gia. "I don't see how her thinking I am gay is supposed to help."

"Is it my hair that made her pick me for the gay one, do you think?" Zanipolo asked suddenly. "Maybe I should cut it."

"It could be," Santo said, eyeing him consideringly.

"Nah. Christian has long hair too," Raffeale pointed out. #Quote by Lynsay Sands
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Israel Morrow
#29. I firmly disagree with anyone who says humans are the most advanced, or the most intelligent species on the planet. In fact, only three animals have ever threatened to kill me: humans, their dogs, and a particularly aggressive species of house spider. #Quote by Israel Morrow
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Tamora Pierce
#30. Lokeij whistled. "Make the king's warriors vanish if
they come ... what a deceitful turtledove you are."
Aly smiled at the sky. "Oh, don't,"she replied in the
tones of a flirtatious court lady. "Stop, I insist. Your
flattery makes me blush. #Quote by Tamora Pierce
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Meg Cabot
#31. It's one thing to protect yourself," Dad yelled at me during our very next lunch. "That I get. Have I ever told you not to defend yourself? No. But did you have to permanently maim him? I spent all that money on that on that fancy school for girls-not to mention all that money for the shrinks-and what did that get me?"
I shrugged. "A seven-figure civil suit? #Quote by Meg Cabot
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Rachel Vincent
#32. Okay, time to get serious. I let my smile fade slowly and lowered my pitch, as no human woman could have. "I'm not joking this time. If I see it, it's mine, and you won't get it back at the end of the school year." I growled, deep and long, savoring the feel of the vibrations in my throat, as if the sound alone could save me. It wasn't quite a cat's growl but it was damn close. And it was his last warning.
Miguel dismissed my threat with an easy smile, and my stomach clenched. Oh, yeah, Faythe. You have Puss shaking in his boots, all right. #Quote by Rachel Vincent
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Parker Posey
#33. I can do comedy, so people want me to do that, but the other side of comedy is depression. Deep, deep depression is the flip side of comedy. Casting agents don't realize it but in order to be funny you have to have that other side. #Quote by Parker Posey
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Matthew Leeth
#34. I'm the sexiest of them all! - Carol #Quote by Matthew Leeth
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Brian Celio
#35. I wish my nose would blow me for once. #Quote by Brian Celio
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Dave Barry
#36. At the height of rush hour, people on the London underground actually say "excuse me." Imagine what would happen if you tried an insane stunt like that on the New York City subway. The other passengers would take it as a sign of weakness, and there'd be a fight over who got to keep your ears as a trophy. #Quote by Dave Barry
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Clarice Belnavis
#37. Beauty is a sacrifice. -Me
Baby, I INVENTED scrawny! -Leo Valdez
I will NEVER leave you or forsake you. -God
No one can make you feel inferior, unless you consent. -Eleanor Roosevelt
Be careful, Seaweed Brain. -Annabeth Chase #Quote by Clarice Belnavis
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Andy Richter
#38. The thing that's important for me to focus on is the balancing of the tension between satisfying myself and satisfying an audience, and making something that I think is good and funny, worthwhile, small-"i" important, versus something that's going to do well. #Quote by Andy Richter
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Gayle Forman
#39. Look I accept Adam because you love him. And I assume he accepts me because you love me ... your love binds us.' ... The funny thing was, I never really bought into Kim's notion that they were somehow bound together through me- until just now when I saw her half carrying him down the hospital corridor. #Quote by Gayle Forman
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Chris Cleave
#40. You don't know anything,' she said. 'If you knew one thing about this life you would not think it was so funny.'
Yvette put her hands on her hips. She shook her head slowly. 'Darlin,' she said. 'Life did take its gift back from yu and me in de diffren order, dat's all. Truth to tell, funny is all me got lef wid. An yu, darlin, all yu got lef is paperwork. #Quote by Chris Cleave
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Elle Kennedy
#41. And all those things you listed right now, they're
things Garrett and I do together. Dude, you don't want me. You want me and
Garrett. #Quote by Elle Kennedy
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Mike Birbiglia
#42. It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others. #Quote by Mike Birbiglia
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Daphne Du Maurier
#43. When Stephen talked about stalking chamois his whole expression changed. The features became more aquiline, the nose sharpened, the chin narrowed, and his eyes-steel blue - somehow took on the cold brilliance of a northern sky. I am being very frank about my husband. He attracted me at those times, and he repelled me too. This man, I told myself when I first met him, is a perfectionist. And he has no compassion. Gratified like all women who find themselves sought after and desired - a mutual love for Sibelius had been our common ground at our first encounter - after a few weeks in his company I shut my eyes to further judgment, because being with him gave me pleasure. It flattered my self-esteem. The perfectionist, admired by other women, now sought me. Marriage was in every sense a coup. It was only afterwards that I knew myself deceived. ("The Chamois") #Quote by Daphne Du Maurier
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Bill Hicks
#44. What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis, not the young, cool guy ... #Quote by Bill Hicks
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by J.R. Moehringer
#45. Also, Willie, I dig telling the truth. Words can be twisted but a photo never lies.
Sutton laughs.
What's funny? Photographer says.
Nothing. Except - that's pure horseshit kid. I can't think of anything that lies more than a photo. In fact every photo is a dirty stinking lie because it's a frozen moment - and time can't be frozen. Some of the biggest lies I've ever run across have been photos. Some of them were of me. #Quote by J.R. Moehringer
Stop Stalking Me Funny quotes by Roz Chast
#46. I can't even look at daily comic strips. And I hate sitcoms because they don't seem like real people to me: they're props that often say horrible things to each other, which I don't find funny. I have to feel like they're real people. #Quote by Roz Chast

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