Serious Humor Quotes

#1. Weakness is weaker when discovered by others. #Quote by Mita Jain

#2. Humor is also a way of saying something serious. #Quote by T. S. Eliot

#3. We are fans of Mozart and Beethoven, as well 'South Park' and Borat. We believe that we can attract many people who eschew the serious ambiance of concert halls and don't go to classical music concerts because of such reasons. However, there is a 'serious humor' on the stage: funny and ridiculous. That is important! #Quote by Aleksey Igudesman

#4. Cake is one of life's great wonders, and who would deny wonder to a child? #Quote by Lauren Child

#5. Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli.
"I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure."
-Morelli And Stephanie #Quote by Janet Evanovich

#6. Now," said Brandons low, cold voice. "Lets not be rude eve. #Quote by Rachel Caine

#7. When I was Downtown, I learned a lot about making threats. Make them big. Make them outrageous. You're never going to kick someone's ass. You're going to pull out their tongue and pour liquid nitrogen down their throat, chip out their guts with an ice pick, slide in a pane of glass, and turn them into an aquarium. #Quote by Richard Kadrey

#8. My only other choice was to rejoin my mother and listen to fascinating facts about every eligible man passing by. (Apparently, Mr. Egbert collects gentleman's bootlaces! The wonder of it all.) #Quote by Kelly Zekas

#9. I'll tell you what makes my blood boil? ... Crematoriums. #Quote by Tim Vine

#10. This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard. The mailman will get shot, the envelope will not seal, the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. The final payment must be made in wampum. #Quote by Mitch Hedberg

#11. Money may not buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus. #Quote by Francoise Sagan

#12. Moderation: a median with no means, praised by those with no misfortunes, practiced by those with no merits. #Quote by Bauvard

#13. I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead #Quote by Michael Summers

#14. I have a thing for Rochester," confessed Jane. "It's not healthy. #Quote by Cynthia Hand

#15. We can't really have a serious debate about reform on immigration if we don't have operational control of the border ... With the executive order out there, with the urgency of the threat, I think it's very likely that we'll get something passed, later this year. #Quote by Michael McCaul

#16. I think the way you can tell if a guy and girl are in a serious relationship is whether or not they have black and white pictures of themselves together. That's the real test. Because it takes effort to get nice black and white photos. If you've gone that far, there's no turning back. #Quote by Aaron Karo

#17. BOWLS OF FOOD
Moon and evening star do their
slow tambourine dance to praise
this universe. The purpose of
every gathering is discovered:
to recognize beauty and love
what's beautiful. "Once it was
like that, now it's like this,"
the saying goes around town, and
serious consequences too. Men
and women turn their faces to the
wall in grief. They lose appetite.
Then they start eating the fire of
pleasure, as camels chew pungent
grass for the sake of their souls.
Winter blocks the road. Flowers
are taken prisoner underground.
Then green justice tenders a spear.
Go outside to the orchard. These
visitors came a long way, past all
the houses of the zodiac, learning
Something new at each stop. And
they're here for such a short time,
sitting at these tables set on the
prow of the wind. Bowls of food
are brought out as answers, but
still no one knows the answer.

Food for the soul stays secret.
Body food gets put out in the open

like us. Those who work at a bakery
don't know the taste of bread like

the hungry beggars do. Because the
beloved wants to know, unseen things

become manifest. Hiding is the
hidden purpose of creation: bury

your seed and wait. After you die,
All the thoughts you had will throng

around like children. The heart
is the secret inside the sec #Quote by Rumi

#18. My sister wanted a cat for a pet ... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark. #Quote by Chic Murray

#19. I did not become a runner to lose weight, I did it to escape my computer #Quote by The Oatmeal

#20. Well, the only logical explanation is that all of my clothes shrunk! #Quote by Van Krishna

#21. Oh, yeah. He's dead, a voice inside her head confirmed.
"No way!" Brianna backed away from him, looking around the room in panic.
Yeah, you're right. That lack of pulse probably means something else. #Quote by Natasha Larry

#22. Fate had a most unfortunate sense of humor. #Quote by Beverley Kendall

#23. The antique shop in the Brompton Road proved, as fore-shadowed, to be an antique shop in the Brompton Road and, like all antique shops except the swanky ones in the Bond Street neigbourhood, dingy outside and dark and smelly within. I don't know why it is, but the proprietors of these establishments always seem to be cooking some sort of stew in the back room. #Quote by P.G. Wodehouse

#24. Help me out here, Jeremy," she said pleadingly.
He gave her a look. "Why should I do that?"
"Because once, nineteen years ago, you were wrong about him, too."
Jeremy stared at her stoically. After a long pause, his face broke into a smile.
"Aw, hell, you crazy kid, you knew I was gonna let you in - I'm a sucker for this stuff. #Quote by Julie James

#25. I am drawn to Tom Sawyer Island because a tribute to Mark Twain would not be out of place in a theme park of my own design. Should Vowell World ever get enough investors, I'm going to stick my Tom Sawyer Island in Love and Death in the American Novel Land right between the Jay Gatsby Swimming Pool and Tom Joad's Dust Bowl Lanes, a Depression-themed bowling alley renting artfully worn-out shoes. #Quote by Sarah Vowell

#26. Many demons are in woods, in waters, in wildernesses, and in dark poolly places ready to hurt ... people. #Quote by Martin Luther

#27. You ever flown something before?" (Christopher)
"I hold the highest score at A.S.U. for Star Wars: Starfighter." (Kitty)
"I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I'm going to regret this." (Christopher) #Quote by Gini Koch

#28. I wish we had rocket launchers. #Quote by Allan Frewin Jones

#29. I tried to think of something to say. Excuse me? Hello? Marry me? Anything would have done. #Quote by Rick Riordan

#30. I will not service your sister," he told her flatly, unable to think of anything else to say.
Elina laughed. "She does not want servicing. At least not from you."
"But when I came into your room earlier - "
"It gets cold on Steppes. We share beds. We share food. We do not share cocks. There is no cock sharing among the Daughters of the Steppes. That is disgusting."
"So then earlier . . ."
"She was inviting you to nap with us, like our brothers and cousins sometimes do. But not fuck."
"Oh."
"You sound disappointed."
"No. Just depressingly relieved."
"What?"
"Beautiful sisters invite me to bed - I usually dive in headfirst. A little time away with you and suddenly I'm . . . my father."
"I like your father. Now he is charming. You are dolt with ineffective travel-cow and cousin that keeps trying to dress me like doll."
"Is that where you got that eye patch from?"
"Yes."
"It's a nice color on you. #Quote by G.A. Aiken

#31. In every serious doctrine of the destiny of men, there is some trace of the doctrine of the equality of men. But the capitalist really depends on some religion of inequality. The capitalist must somehow distinguish himself from human kind; he must be obviously above it or he would be obviously below it. #Quote by Gilbert K. Chesterton

#32. Please, do keep digging your own grave. I look forward to your splendidly inevitable demise."
– Dread Emperor Benevolent the First #Quote by ErraticErrata

#33. I was always interested in music, I felt it was time to do it, coming out of the punk scene [1979]. I thought it was ideal that anyone could just put together a group and make it work. Then, of course, it became a little more detailed after starting it and realizing that it was something serious, not just a one-off situation. I had to put a lot more into it. Also I did it to get a lot of things out of my system, things that had been put there while I was growing up in my family. A sort of exorcizing of demons. #Quote by Rozz Williams

#34. I, a half naked German, was about to be discovered by her cruel Viking dad in his own bedroom, having smudged his daughter just hours ago. Full of gratitude I contemplated that I would at least not die a virgin. #Quote by John Duover

#35. The Devil himself had probably re-designed Hell in the light of the information he had gained from observing airport layouts. #Quote by Anthony Price

#36. How come you write the way you do?" an apprentice writer in my Johns Hopkins workshop once disingenuously asked Donald Barthelme, who was visiting. Without missing a beat, Don replied, "Because Samuel Beckett was already writing the way he does."
Asked another, smiling but serious, "How can we become better writers than we are?"
"Well," DB advised, "for starters, read through the whole history of philosophy, from the pre-Socratics up through last semester. That might help."
"But Coach Barth has already advised us to read all of literature, from Gilgamesh up through last semester ... "
"That, too," Donald affirmed, and twinkled that shrewd Amish-farmer-from-West-11th-Street twinkle of his. "You're probably wasting time on things like eating and sleeping. Cease that, and read all of philosophy and all of literature. Also art. Plus politics and a few other things. The history of everything. #Quote by John Barth

#37. You need Saturday to recover and Sunday to repent. #Quote by Angie Thomas

#38. If you stand to close to your reflection you do not see the full picture of who you are. When one heart speaks, other hearts cannot help but listen. Always keep your mouth closed when cleaning the toilet. All from my book. #Quote by Richard Bell

#39. In God we trust, all others pay cash. #Quote by Margaret Atwood

#40. It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum! We made it to Hollywood, time to give these aliens the golden boot!" - Angel from the Thousand Years War #Quote by Angel Ramon Medina

#41. I never thought I'd get to see Rome," Hazel said. "When I was alive, I mean for the first time, Mussolini was in charge. We were at war."
"Mussolini?" Leo frowned. "Wasn't he like BFF's with Hitler?"
Hazel stared at him like he was an alien. "BFF's?"
"Never mind."
"I'd love to see the Trevi Fountain," she said.
"There's a fountain on every block," Leo grumbled.
"Or the Spanish Steps," Hazel said.
"Why would you come to Italy to see Spanosh steps?" Leo asked. "That's like going to China for Mexican food, isn't it?"
"You're hopeless," Hazel complained.
"So I've been told. #Quote by Rick Riordan

#42. Guess it didn't go so well, huh?"

"What was your first clue?" I turned my head slightly, then went back to staring blankly out at the city street below.

"Did your really expect it to? I mean the two of you together make no sense at all. It's like putting the Easter Bunny together with a crocodile. At first everyone's all nervous and shit like 'Oh, how cute. Look how they're getting along.' And then of course the predicable happens, the rabbit's a reptile snack and all the kids are cryin' 'cause Easter ain't comin' next year. #Quote by Michelle Mankin

#43. Without thinking, [Will] spoke.
'Halt? Are you awake?'
'No.' The ill humor in the one-word reply was unmistakable.
'Oh. Sorry.'
'Shut up.'
He pondered whether to apologize again and decided this would go against the instruction to shut up, so remained silent. #Quote by John Flanagan

#44. In this night-struck city I am guided and comforted by the memory of your light. I see you, I see you constantly, just as I first saw you, so beautiful as you spun in the rounds of the rebita, or in serious contemplation in Muxima, alone in the chapel, while outside the still river under the wide sun, the solemn landscape, the flawless sky, seemed in silence to be meditating with you. Then I see you crossing the Veados Beach at a gallop. I watch you laughing in the distance and your laugh is carried over to me in the breeze, salty and fresh, humid and strong, and again I feel - as I felt then - a living presence, the presence of Life. #Quote by Jose Eduardo Agualusa