Kids Funny Business Quotes

#1. No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands ... that can do your brain. #Quote by Ivan Stoikov

#2. Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear ... from my future Kids' Funny Business. #Quote by Ivan Stoikov

#3. Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs. #Quote by Homer

#4. Every time I work on a scene or I work on the overall movie, I had my kids unconsciously in mind. Is that going to please them? Is it going to be funny for them? And if it is funny for them, is it going to be funny for their friends and their friends' friends? #Quote by Pierre Coffin

#5. Parents get all focused on themselves, and they see their little babies start walkin' and talkin', and since they kinda look like them and sound like the, they start thinking of those little babies as themselves....And then something funny happens. Those babies grow up to be kids and teenages and grown-ups in their own right....so everything the kids do, everything, is a betrayal. #Quote by Barry Lyga

#6. I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. #Quote by Johnny Carson

#7. When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church. #Quote by Jimmy Carr

#8. Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time. #Quote by Tim Allen

#9. I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice. #Quote by Karl Pilkington

#10. For what it's worth, I'll share my intentions. You and me, we aren't practice for the real thing. It isn't that too much is at stake with family and friends, it's because I love you. You're funny, beautiful and you care about people. I like the way you look at me, especially when you think I don't notice it. I like that we have history and our kids will have a big family and share that history because there was never a time when their Mom and Dad weren't together. If you were a terrible lay, I might have second thoughts but you and I are dynamite together. I intend to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. If that freaks you out, tough, because now we've started this, there's no goin' back. #Quote by Kristen Ashley

#11. It's funny, my kids and I live together, and I have a lot of actor friends. So my kids think everyone is on television every now and again, since everyone they know pops up here, but there's a whole rap of things they won't watch until they're 16 or 17. #Quote by Dallas Roberts

#12. But you can't say no to a birthday present, so she took the little pony to her room, where it ate things it shouldn't have, and farted too much. #Quote by Kate Beaton

#13. You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! #Quote by Bill Watterson

#14. Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. "We'll try to get you work. But don't bug us about it." #Quote by Bill Maher

#15. It sounds extraordinary but it's a fact that balance sheets can make fascinating reading. #Quote by Mary Archer

#16. The funniest novel you've never read ... Afternoon Men is a revelation to sophisticated readers of every stripe, but especially to a certain kind of artist manqu on the brink of discovering that life is a more difficult business than he ever had reason to expect ... The subject matter is 'relatable,' as my students like to say. Better still, though, is what you can learn about the craft of writing from this marvelous book ... Indeed, if you're looking for a funny, nonportentous Hemingway, then the early Powell is your man. #Quote by Blake Bailey

#17. One of those strange things that happens in movies is that you need someone to actually say people's names, or else you have no idea who those kids are. This was a way for her to introduce who the important boys were in the story, but then it just was so funny that it became a centerpiece to it. When you look at the character design that Tim did for Weird Girl, and what Catherine [O'Hara] did with the voice, and it's gonna kill. #Quote by John August

#18. Werewolves protect their own. Vampires protect their own. Mages protect their own. Faeries are just bat-shit crazy and dump their kids on people's doorsteps. It's a funny old world. #Quote by Alexis Hall

#19. So, if I'm no cheerleader of sports, why write a chapter about it? Sports do have some positive impact on society. They solve problems, such as how to get inner-city kids to spend $175 on shoes. They serve as a backdrop for some of our most memorable commercials. And they remain the one and only relevant application of math. Not only that, but we have sports to thank for most of the last century's advances in manliness. The system starts in school, where gym class separates the men from the boys. Then those men are taught to be winners, or at least, losers that hate themselves. #Quote by Stephen Colbert

#20. The trouble with this business is the dearth of bad pictures. #Quote by Samuel Goldwyn

#21. Kids cannot follow stories. They don't know what the hell is going on in a cartoon. They like to see funny visual things happening. #Quote by John Kricfalusi

#22. You figure they cheat at the ballpark, they'll cheat on the golf course, they'll cheat in business, and anything else in life. Players may laugh about it and say it's funny, but right down in their heart, they don't think it's funny at all, and they have no respect for a person who cheats. #Quote by Bob Feller

#23. Writing about yourself is a funny business. At the end of the day it's just another story, the story you've chosen from the events of your life. I haven't told you "all" about myself. Discretion and the feelings of others don't allow it. But in a project like this, the writer has made one promise: to show the reader his mind. In these pages I've tried to do that. #Quote by Bruce Springsteen

#24. Six Secrets to Being a Successful Humorist 1. Be scared, unhappy, and an outcast as a kid. 2. Drop out of high school. 3. Spend time alone. 4. Don't take a comedy course. 5. Read other humorists but don't worship them. 6. Don't get your hopes up. #Quote by Bruce McCall

#25. Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers ... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces. #Quote by Amy Poehler

#26. The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids ... and when you're away from them, who needs it?. #Quote by Phyllis Diller

#27. Nobody is excused from the excellence trend. Babies are not excused. Starting right after they get out of the womb, modern babies are exposed to instructional flashcards designed to make them the best babies they can possibly be, so they can get into today's competitive preschools. Your eighties baby sees so many flashcards that he never gets an unobstructed view of his parents' faces. As an adult, he'll carry around a little wallet card that says "7x9=63," because it will remind him of mother. #Quote by Dave Barry

#28. I didn't plan on being a comedian. I didn't plan on getting married and I didn't plan on having kids, but I did all those things. #Quote by Rodney Carrington

#29. I wish kids at school would quit calling me a porno dork-face, though. There wasn't any sex involved! I got knocked out, I panicked and called the cops. Okay, somewhere along the line everybody's clothes fell off, but that's not exactly a federal crime. Is it? I hope you don't work for the FBI. (You don't, do you?)
- Email Excerpt (Page: 21)
From: Douglas Bracken
To: Dr. Rita I. Milton
Sent: Friday, November 08 - 5:05 PM
Subject: Pressing Concerns #Quote by Kathleen Jeffrie Johnson

#30. My iPod holds 3,000 albums. I own, like, 90 albums. My iPod sits at home, sullen, frustrated, and underused, like a wife who gave up her career and the kids turned out to be shite. #Quote by Dara O Briain

#31. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. #Quote by Demetri Martin

#32. A company is known by the people it keeps. #Quote by Will Rogers

#33. Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible. #Quote by Andy Warhol

#34. People will buy anything that is 'one to a customer.' #Quote by Sinclair Lewis

#35. Now, most of the time you couldn't be too sure of the quality of the drug. Although, in my experience the stuff was always of a very high quality, because back then we didn't have business majors peddling lower-quality stuff in an effort to increase profits. #Quote by Lewis Black

#36. I saw a guy wearing a "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelet and a Lance Armstrong bracelet, and he went up to this blind kid and rubbed his eyes, and the kid could see. But he wasn't used to the light, 'cause it was bright, and he walked into traffic and was killed instantly. Okay, the people that are laughing right now? I'm gonna call you guys half-full. Because you're focusing on the important part of the story: the bracelets are working. #Quote by Daniel Tosh

#37. I started studying law, but this I could stand just for one semester. I couldn't stand more. Then I studied languages and literature for two years. After two years I passed an examination with the result I have a teaching certificate for Latin and Hungarian for the lower classes of the gymnasium, for kids from 10 to 14. I never made use of this teaching certificate. And then I came to philosophy, physics, and mathematics. In fact, I came to mathematics indirectly. I was really more interested in physics and philosophy and thought about those. It is a little shortened but not quite wrong to say: I thought I am not good enough for physics and I am too good for philosophy. Mathematics is in between. #Quote by George Polya