Internal Joke Quotes

#1. Occasionally, Michael Jackson would titter to himself at an internal joke and raise his shoulders like a five-year-old girl who'd just said the word "penis" for the first time. #Quote by Sam Harris

#2. And I will wait for Jarod to work for me. For free, cause if it's paid, it's work and not love, unless, of course he loves to work, in which case he'll surely love working for me, because I love people who love to do that to love to do that. #Quote by Will Advise

#3. My kind [vampires] does not surprise easily," he said. "You surprised me, this morning. I have thus used up my full quota of shock and consternation for some interval."
I stared at him. "You made a *joke*."
"I have heard this kind of thing may happen ... #Quote by Robin McKinley

#4. Is that another sort of joke?" asked the old man. "You've no excuse for being bored anywhere. When I was your age I had never heard of such a thing. #Quote by Henry James

#5. I like to joke that I already married a 26-year-old and divorced a 29-year-old, so I wasn't going to do that again when I got remarried. #Quote by Grant Show

#6. Audiences are always better pleased with a smart retort, some joke or epigram, than with any amount of reasoning. #Quote by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

#7. We can say the brotherhood of man, and pretend that we include the sisterhood of women, but we know that we don't. Folklore has it that women only congregate to bitch an absent member of their group, and continue to do so because they are to well aware of the consequences if they stay away. It's meant to be a joke, but like jokes about mothers-in-law it is founded in bitter truth. #Quote by Germaine Greer

#8. Fuck it ... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man. #Quote by Louis C.K.

#9. Alterations in the environment place us under personal stress. Changes in our routines and the physical, social, cultural, and economic environment forces us to make decisive decisions, we cannot continue our robotic ways. We must adapt to fresh encounters with the peripheral world. Variation in our external domain brings about shocking revolutions of our internal realm of thoughts and emotions. #Quote by Kilroy J. Oldster

#10. Like most people I am smarter than some, dumber than others, skinnier than most, and fatter than a few, but none was ever more confused than I was. I flew with confusion always parallel to me, and a whole internal chase at my rear. The one matter that was not confusing to me, but seemed to escape all the others, was the fact that the only thing that was certain to become obsolete, would necessarily become wearied and worn, was the truth. I knew this in spite of the truth that I had had little truck with the truth in my life. It was not that I considered myself a resident in a den of lies, but rather that my history was shrouded and diced and soaking wet with hysteria and contradiction. Contradictions or no, my trajectory through life, though different from most, was, nonetheless, a trajectory. #Quote by Percival Everett

#11. The most consistent characteristic of awakened teachers and people I have met is a childlike nature. They laugh, cry, twinkle, and joke, all with a spontaneity born of freedom. Their faces are fluid and reflect a timeless sweetness, even into old age. #Quote by Catherine Ingram

#12. When you're in the editing room, the dangerous thing is that it becomes like telling a joke again and again and again. Eventually, the joke starts to not be funny. So you have to be careful that you're not throwing the baby out with the bath water. #Quote by Ridley Scott

#13. Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with. #Quote by Jimmy Fallon

#14. What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better perk up or somebody is going to think we're nuts. #Quote by Kyung-Sook Shin

#15. I always think any circumstances can be funny. Not that I'm irresponsible, but when things go wrong, I always come up with a joke or think of something funny to say. #Quote by Brian Helgeland

#16. When you become fluent with language, it means you can write an entry in your journal or tell a joke to someone or write a letter to a friend. And it's similar with new technologies. #Quote by Mitchel Resnick

#17. When you're a writer, you hear your internal critic, and that's really hard to get over. And then sometimes you hear critiques from classmates and stuff. But when a book comes out, it's just hundreds of opinions and you have to learn to separate out the ones you want to listen to or figure out many you want to listen to. #Quote by Veronica Roth

#18. Life is a joke. Laugh out loud. #Quote by Lisa M. Cronkhite

#19. Prayer is conversation with God while driving to work or awaiting an appointment or before interacting with a client. Prayer can be the internal voice that directs the external action. #Quote by Max Lucado

#20. The most intense wars are civil wars, just as the most vivid and rending personal conflicts are internal ones, and what I hope to do now is give some idea of what it is like to fight on two fronts at once, to try and keep opposing ideas alive in the same mind, even occasionally to show two faces at the same time. #Quote by Christopher Hitchens

#21. Let us define our terms. A woman who writes her lover four letters a day is not a graphomaniac, she is simply a woman in love. But my friend who xeroxes his love letters so he can publish them someday--my friend is a graphomaniac. Graphomania is not a desire to write letters, diaries, or family chronicles (to write for oneself or one's immediate family); it is a desire to write books (to have a public of unknown readers). In this sense the taxi driver and Goethe share the same passion. What distinguishes Goethe from the taxi driver is the result of the passion, not the passion itself.

"Graphomania (an obsession with writing books) takes on the proportions of a mass epidemic whenever a society develops to the point where it can provide three basic conditions:

1. a high degree of general well-being to enable people to devote their energies to useless activities;
2. an advanced state of social atomization and the resultant general feeling of the isolation of the individual;
3. a radical absence of significant social change in the internal development of the nation. (In this connection I find it symptomatic that in France, a country where nothing really happens, the percentage of writers is twenty-one times higher than in Israel. Bibi [character from the book] was absolutely right when she claimed never to have experienced anything from the outside. It is this absence of content, this void, that powers the moter driving her to write).

#Quote by Milan Kundera

#22. Century after century, the belief that an individual's physical health was independent of his or her emotional health has so dominated medical thought that there has even been open contempt for anyone who would dare to claim that a person's physical well-being is the sum of its internal and external influences. #Quote by Sandy Oshiro Rosen

#23. I don't like working by a monitor. I stand right next to the camera, and I'm very performance-oriented. That really means everything to me, whether it's doing an improv of a joke or an emotional scene, and everything in between. #Quote by Drew Barrymore

#24. Are people really gonna buy it if we never touch each other in public?" Peter asks, looking skeptical.
"I don't think relationships are just about physicality. There are ways to show you care about someone, not just using your lips." Peter's smiling, and he looks like he's about to crack a joke, so I swiftly add, "Or any other body part."
He groans. "You've gotta give me something here, Lara Jean. I have a reputation to uphold. None of my friends will believe I suddenly turned into a monk to date you. How about at least a hand in your back jean pocket? Trust me, it'll be strictly professional."
I don't say what I'm thinking, which is that he cares way too much what people think about him. I just nod and write down, Peter is allowed to put a hand in Lara Jean's back jean pocket. "But no more kissing," I say, keeping my head down so he can't see me blush.
"You're the one who started it," he reminds me. "And also, I don't have any STDs, so you can get that out of your head."
"I don't think you have any STDs." I look back up at him. "The thing is…I've never had a boyfriend before. I've never been on a real date before, or held hands walking down the hallway. This is all new for me, so I'm sorry about the forehead thing this morning. I just…wish all of these firsts were happening for real and not with you."
Peter seems to be thinking this over. He says, "Huh. Okay. Let's just save some stuff, then."
"Yeah?"
"Sure. We'll have some stuff for y #Quote by Jenny Han

#25. But your habits undergo no change in this pretense? Or do you think anyone was fooled yesterday by your so-called 'appointment' last night? That is what you told your mother, correct? That you had an appointment?"
His eyes came back to hers. "Are we showing signs of jealousy again?"
"I'm asking a pertinent question," she said stiffly. "If you think this pretense is going to only be one-sided, then it ends now."
Incredibly,his humor returned abruptly, his grin quite wide. "Before you start turning green, I suppose I must admit that appointment wasn't a good word for it, since it wasn't a scheduled meeting. I merely went to see my solicitor,and,no, he doesn't wear skirts."
She ignored that ridiculous attempt at a joke. #Quote by Johanna Lindsey

#26. On reflection, falling in love for him was not only extraordinary, but rather comical. By having closely observed Kiyoaki Matsugae, he knew full well what sort of man should fall in love.
Falling in love was a special privilege given to someone whose external, sensuous charm and internal ignorance, disorganization, and lack of cognizance permitted him to form a kind of fantasy about others. It was a rude privilege. Honda was quite aware that since his childhood, he had been the opposite of such a man. #Quote by Yukio Mishima

#27. She had something down there twice as big as mine. That's why I say you better watch where you stroke, cause it could turn out, turn out to be a joke. #Quote by Gary B.B. Coleman

#28. As The Book of the SubGenius (the main text of a hilarious faux religion based in Dallas - get The Book of the SubGenius) says, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke," right? #Quote by Nick Offerman

#29. The biggest opportunity for big companies has come by far in the digitization of internal processes. #Quote by Jack Welch

#30. Any so-called leader who does not take this issue (climate change) seriously or treats it like a joke is not fit to lead #Quote by Barack Obama

#31. But while I'd be their daughter, while I'd eat the roast and come home from dates and wash the dishes, I would also be myself. I would love my mother, but I'd never want to be her again. I would never be what someone else wanted me to be. I would never laugh at a joke I didn't think was funny. I would never tell another lie. I would be the truth-teller, starting today. That would be tough.
But I was tougher. #Quote by Judy Blundell

#32. A joke is never a joke if it is at the expense of another person's feelings #Quote by Heather Wolf

#33. If we succumb to fear, we start holding back, and do that all-to-common dance of getting close, then pulling away. When we remember that our safe harbor depends on our awareness and honesty, we're less likely to make internal compromises, put on masks, or act like a chameleon to attract a partner or keep a hurtful relationship together. If we live by truth, we may have pain, but we will always rest securely in ourselves. #Quote by Charlotte Kasl

#34. I had a tight stomach all the time. I actually developed ulcers. I've learned better than to put all that internal pressure on myself. #Quote by Charles Kuralt

#35. I used to have this joke: 'Every hallway is a runway.' #Quote by Tyra Banks

#36. The power of women! I've never felt so full of mysterious power. Men are a joke.
We're so weak physically, so helpless with things. Still, even today. But we're stronger than they are. We can stand their cruelty. They can't stand ours. #Quote by John Fowles

#37. Put down the book." She wanted to look away, as he seemed distracted from holding the trousers in place, but she couldn't take her eyes off the book. What if he hurt it? What if he followed through with his threat?
"No horse jokes,"he said.
"My lord, I apologize for the horse joke. If you put down the book - unharmed! - I will give you a carrot. #Quote by Cynthia Hand

#38. Hell-on-skis, can you hear me? This is flying cupcake. #Quote by Joss Stirling

#39. The question that lingers is, how much was I a factor in my own survival, and how much was science, and how much miracle?
I don't have the answer to that question. Other people look to me for the answer, I know. But if I could answer it, we would have the cure for cancer, and what's more, we would fathom the true meaning of our existences. I can deliver motivation, inspiration, hope, courage, and counsel, but I can't answer the unknowable. Personally, I don't need to try. I 'm content with simply being alive to enjoy the mystery.
Good Joke:
A man is caught in a flood, and as the water rises he climbs to the roof of his house and waits to be rescued. A guy in a motorboat comes by, and he says, "Hop in, I'll save you."
"No thanks," the man on the rooftop says. "My Lord will save me."
But the floodwaters keep rising. A few minutes later, a rescue plane flies overhead and the pilot drops a line.
"No, thanks," the man on the rooftop says. "My Lord will save me."
But the floodwaters rise ever higher, and finally, they overflow the roof and the man drowns.
When he gets to heaven, he confronts God.
"My Lord, why didn't you save me?" he implores.
"You idiot," God says. "I sent a boat, I sent you a plane."
I think in a way we are all just like the guy on the rooftop. Things take place, there is a confluence of events and circumstances, and we can't always know their purpose, or even if there is one. But we can take responsibility f #Quote by Lance Armstrong

#40. The ring was there to say they were a team, a reminder that they were in this together, almost like a private joke only the two of them got. #Quote by K.A. Mitchell

#41. The wealthy have also fought to underfund and defang the Internal Revenue Service, so it doesn't have the resources to audit or fight dubious deductions. Only about 6 percent of tax returns of those with income of more than $1 million are audited, along with 0.7 percent of business tax returns. Meanwhile, there is one group that the IRS scrutinizes rigorously: the working poor with incomes below $20,000 a year who receive the Earned Income Tax Credit. More than one-third of all tax audits are focused on that group struggling to make ends meet, even as the agency cuts back on audits of the wealthy - while the top 5 percent of taxpayers account for more than half of all underreported income. #Quote by Nicholas D. Kristof

#42. You like the girl," Alasdair offered.
Nassar leveled a heavy gaze at him.
"Lillian said you tried to be funny in the car. I told her it couldn't possibly be true. The moment you try to make a joke, the sky shall split and the Four Horsemen will ride out, heralding Apocalypse. #Quote by Ilona Andrews

#43. I'm afraid they're not very well-designed creatures, dragons."
Vimes listened.
"They would never have survived at all except that their home swamps were isolated and short of predators. Not that a dragon made good eating,
anyway-once you'd taken away the leathery skin and the enormous flight muscles, what was left must have been like biting into a badly-run chemical factory. No wonder dragons were always ill. They relied on permanent stomach trouble for supplies of fuel. Most of their brain power was taken up with controlling the complexities of then-digestion, which could distill flame-producing fuels from the most unlikely ingredients. They could even rearrange their internal plumbing overnight to deal with difficult processes. They lived on a chemical knife-edge the whole time. One misplaced hiccup and they were geography.
And when it came to choosing nesting sites, the females had all the common sense and mothering instinct of a brick."
Vimes wondered why people had been so worried about dragons in the olden days. If there was one in a cave near you, all you had to do was wait until it self-ignited, blew itself up, or died of acute indigestion. #Quote by Terry Pratchett

#44. After that [father's death] I never cried with any real conviction, nor expected much of anyone's God except indifference, nor loved deeply without fear that it would cost me dearly in pain. At the age of five I had become a skeptic and began to sense that any happiness that came my way might be the prelude to some grim cosmic joke. #Quote by Russell Baker