Humorous Quotes

Top 100 famous quotes & sayings about Humorous.

Famous Quotes About Humorous

Here are best 100 famous quotes about Humorous that you can use to show your feeling, share with your friends and post on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and blogs. Enjoy your day & share your thoughts with perfect pictures of Humorous quotes.

Humorous quotes by Juanda Brahma Metta
#1. Communist until you get rich. Feminist until you get married. Atheist until the airplane starts falling. #Quote by Juanda Brahma Metta
Humorous quotes by Woody Allen
#2. The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. #Quote by Woody Allen
Humorous quotes by Voltaire
#3. It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's a pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into the sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color. #Quote by Voltaire
Humorous quotes by Terry Pratchett
#4. What some people need," said Magrat, to the world in general, "is a bit more heart."

"What some people need," said Granny Weatherwax, to the stormy sky, "is a lot more brain."

Then she clutched at her hat to stop the wind from blowing it off.

What I need, thought Nanny Ogg fervently, is a drink. #Quote by Terry Pratchett
Humorous quotes by P. J. O'Rourke
#5. I can think of a number of areas in New York where three acres of nuclear waste would make the neighborhood safer to walk around in than it is now, and better lit. #Quote by P. J. O'Rourke
Humorous quotes by Anna White
#6. Truth: last week I online shopped too much. Then I ate 2 pounds of jelly beans to feel better about that. In fact, while I was trying to read soul-nourishing things all I could think about was shopping and jellybeans. Points to the monkey mind. #Quote by Anna White
Humorous quotes by George Mikes
#7. People on the Continent either tell you the truth or lie; in England they hardly ever lie, but they would not dream of telling you the truth. #Quote by George Mikes
Humorous quotes by Arthur Conan Doyle
#8. A fine horse or a beautiful woman, I cannot look at them unmoved, even now when seventy winters have chilled my blood. #Quote by Arthur Conan Doyle
Humorous quotes by Shadowstorm Norwicca
#9. People ask why are you so strange and I always reply why are you so normal ... #Quote by Shadowstorm Norwicca
Humorous quotes by Barbara Jean Coast
#10. Do you mind? Just drape your arm around her shoulder. That's it. Yes this is good, Mr.Henshaw. Getting your picture taken with Daphne is a great way to introduce you to our set. Welcome to Santa Lucia! #Quote by Barbara Jean Coast
Humorous quotes by Noelle Crawford
#11. All right, we need a way to get into the palace. Any ideas?"

"Ask nicely? Charge in? Fly? Wait, do you mean reasonable ones? #Quote by Noelle Crawford
Humorous quotes by Bill Vaughan
#12. Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a huge research staff to study the problem. #Quote by Bill Vaughan
Humorous quotes by Charles Dickens
#13. As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind. #Quote by Charles Dickens
Humorous quotes by Olga Nunez Miret
#14. His eyes, green with yellow sparks, and with elongated pupils like a cat's, made his grandmother gasp and say: 'Jesus! He has the devil's eyes! #Quote by Olga Nunez Miret
Humorous quotes by Nenia Campbell
#15. She let out the breath she knew full well she'd been holding. #Quote by Nenia Campbell
Humorous quotes by Rita Rudner
#16. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man. #Quote by Rita Rudner
Humorous quotes by Ljupka Cvetanova
#17. A smart woman doesn't have to think if she is beautiful. A beautiful woman doesn't have to think if she is smart. #Quote by Ljupka Cvetanova
Humorous quotes by Carroll Bryant
#18. He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke. #Quote by Carroll Bryant
Humorous quotes by Marcel Proust
#19. It is a mistake," Labruyère tells us, "to be in love without an ample fortune. #Quote by Marcel Proust
Humorous quotes by Daryl Gregory
#20. Jesus, he 's blogger," Pax said. "Arrest him, Deke. #Quote by Daryl Gregory
Humorous quotes by Mary Roach
#21. Meaning 'by way of the anus'. 'Per Annum', with two n's, means 'yearly'. The correct answer to the question, 'What is the birthrate per anum?' is zero (one hopes). #Quote by Mary Roach
Humorous quotes by Rachel Hawkins
#22. Cross."
His head popped up a few shelves over. "What?"
"Check out the magic crap."
He shot me a look. "Oh, is that what we're supposed to be doing? Because I've just been drawing hearts and our initials in the dirt."
Sophie + Archer #Quote by Rachel Hawkins
Humorous quotes by Ilona Andrews
#23. Andrea: " ... I think a dog is a great idea. I just never pictured you with a mutant poodle."
Kate: "He isn't a poodle. He's a Doberman mix."
Andrea: "Aha. Keep telling yourself that. #Quote by Ilona Andrews
Humorous quotes by Lailah Gifty Akita
#24. It is man who forsake is Maker. #Quote by Lailah Gifty Akita
Humorous quotes by Brenda Pandos
#25. Phase two of Operation Fish and CHIPs (Clean House of the Idiot Piranhas) #Quote by Brenda Pandos
Humorous quotes by Mark Evanier
#26. Tell Jack that after he finishs saving the universe again, he has to take out the trash in the kitchen."
-Rosalind Kirby, one day in 1971 #Quote by Mark Evanier
Humorous quotes by Elizabeth Horton-Newton
#27. They'll get my Kindle when they pry it from my cold dead hands, if my corpse will release it. #Quote by Elizabeth Horton-Newton
Humorous quotes by Jim Leyland
#28. I knew we were in for a long season when we lined up for the national anthem on opening day and one of my players said, 'Every time I hear that song I have a bad game.' #Quote by Jim Leyland
Humorous quotes by Terry Goodkind
#29. The worse you are at thinking, the better you are at drinking. #Quote by Terry Goodkind
Humorous quotes by John Von Neumann
#30. Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. #Quote by John Von Neumann
Humorous quotes by Nicole Christie
#31. Damn it, I should be the only one allowed to drool over him. I found him first! Or something not as stupid. #Quote by Nicole Christie
Humorous quotes by Jane Austen
#32. I am no indiscriminate novel reader. The mere trash of the common circulating library I hold in the highest contempt. #Quote by Jane Austen
Humorous quotes by P.G. Wodehouse
#33. Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them. #Quote by P.G. Wodehouse
Humorous quotes by Siobhan Davis
#34. I engage in subtle stalking. That's entirely different and perfectly socially acceptable. #Quote by Siobhan Davis
Humorous quotes by Dave Barry
#35. All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow. #Quote by Dave Barry
Humorous quotes by Oliver Sacks
#36. In this, then, lies their power of understanding
understanding, without words, what is authentic or inauthentic. Thus it was the grimaces, the histrionisms, the false gestures and, above all, the false tones and cadences of the voice, which rang false for those wordless but immensely sensitive patients. It was to these (for them) most glaring, even grotesque, incongruities and improprieties that my aphasic patients responded, undeceived and undeceivable by words.
This is why they laughed at the President's speech. #Quote by Oliver Sacks
Humorous quotes by Oscar Eccentric
#37. Who can blame the poor lad for not advertising his rather unique name? Especially when his mother's maiden name is Jewel Diamond Sunrise and his grandmother's is Dawn Moonbeam Sunrise. Dawn Sunrise, such a pretty name. And it is true that your mother was almost named Red Sky Sunrise, but your grandfather said he would divorce her mother if she didn't change it. He was in the navy and thought that it was a bad omen. Red sky in the morning, sailor take warning, you know. And Max's grandmother didn't tell anyone that she considered calling her daughter Sunset Sunrise. Catchy isn't it? #Quote by Oscar Eccentric
Humorous quotes by Lynsay Sands
#38. No, my eldest brother. He was named after our father. Our parents died when the Romans first invaded, and Stephano then became the "head of the family". " She grimaced. "He and I are like oil and water. Or we were. We get along well enough now, though." She grinned. "But boy did he pitch a fit over the concubine thing. He even called in Uncle Lucian to deal with me."

Harper's eyebrows rose. "I'm surprised Lucian bothered to intervene."

..."Yes, well..." Drina grimaced. "I'm afraid while I was een as a concubine, I was really playing puppet master with my lover and kind of ruling the country though him. At least until Uncle Lucian caught wind of it and came to give me hell. #Quote by Lynsay Sands
Humorous quotes by Christopher Moore
#39. What are you working on?" Elizabeth asked. Nate could hear her tapping a pencil on her desk. She took notes during their conversations. He didn't know what she did with the notes, but it bothered him.
"I have a lecture at the sanctuary in four days." Why, why had he told her? Why? Now she'd rattle down the mountain in her ancient Mercedes that looked like a Nazi staff car, sit in the audience, and ask all the questions that she knew in advance he couldn't answer. #Quote by Christopher Moore
Humorous quotes by Janet Mullany
#40. This must be the most embarrassing moment in my life. I am glad I am too ill to appreciate it fully. #Quote by Janet Mullany
Humorous quotes by Kristen Middleton
#41. I turned on the television and watched a movie about a girl who'd fallen in love with both a vampire and a werewolf. I'd already seen it a million times, so my eyelids grew heavy, fairly quickly. Ten minutes later I was out cold in my bed and dreaming of Duncan, who turned into a werewolf and was trying to kill my own vampire boyfriend. Every time I tried to see the vampire's face, however, it was a blur. #Quote by Kristen Middleton
Humorous quotes by Hilary Mantel
#42. He says in his defence he never meddled with married women, only with virgins. #Quote by Hilary Mantel
Humorous quotes by Libba Bray
#43. I do have to wonder what sort of childhood the Grimm brothers endured. They are not a merry bunch of storytellers, what with their children roasted by witches, maidens poisoned by old crones, and whatnot. #Quote by Libba Bray
Humorous quotes by Lisa N. Paul
#44. A knee to the balls from a car full of clowns would have been less awkward than the look he was receiving from the whiskey-eyed angel. #Quote by Lisa N. Paul
Humorous quotes by Richard Lewis
#45. I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. #Quote by Richard Lewis
Humorous quotes by J.C. Patrick
#46. After a few more minutes of daydreaming about how fabulous I could become, I look down at the heading on my paper: Janey's Reinvention Plan. It appears lonely at the top of the page. I should probably add some bullets beneath, but I've never been much of a list maker. #Quote by J.C. Patrick
Humorous quotes by Dave Barry
#47. WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret. #Quote by Dave Barry
Humorous quotes by Ross Macdonald
#48. There was nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. #Quote by Ross Macdonald
Humorous quotes by Peter Matthiessen
#49. Webster said, 'Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do. #Quote by Peter Matthiessen
Humorous quotes by Lev A.C. Rosen
#50. There is a safety mechanism in place [to ensure the perambulator doesn't turn back into a purse with a baby in it] : if anything weighing more than a pound and a half-about the weight of a three-volume novel-is in the carriage of the perambulator, it will not transform. #Quote by Lev A.C. Rosen
Humorous quotes by Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
#51. But once more I say do as you please, for we women are born to this burden of being obedient to our husbands, though they be blockheads #Quote by Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
Humorous quotes by J.R. Ward
#52. And I'll wash your other clothes. Shall I also order you a new set of leathers?"
"Don't-" Wrath shut his mouth. "Sure. That'd be great. And, ah, could you get me some boxers? Black? XXL? #Quote by J.R. Ward
Humorous quotes by Veronica Blade
#53. I'm going to go throw up now, because ive turned into my dad. If vomiting doesn't work, I'll see if I can get an exorcism. #Quote by Veronica Blade
Humorous quotes by Cameron Dokey
#54. There is a tale ... It tells of the days when a blight hung over our land. Nothing prospered. Nothing flourished. Not even zucchini would grow. #Quote by Cameron Dokey
Humorous quotes by Scott Meyers
#55. First we crawl. Later we crawl on broken glass. #Quote by Scott Meyers
Humorous quotes by Walt Disney
#56. The American child is a highly intelligent human being; characteristically sensitive, humorous, open-minded, eager to learn, has a strong sense of excitement, energy, and healthy curiosity about the world in which he lives. Lucky indeed is the grown-up who manages to carry these same characteristics into adult life. It usually makes for a happy and successful individual. #Quote by Walt Disney
Humorous quotes by Groucho Marx
#57. John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight ... #Quote by Groucho Marx
Humorous quotes by Nicholas Sparks
#58. Dangerous events were transformed over the years into humorous anecdotes; painful moments were modified into sweet tales of innocence. #Quote by Nicholas Sparks
Humorous quotes by Frank Zappa
#59. People make a lot of fuss about my kids having such supposedly 'strange names', but the fact is that no matter what first names I might have given them, it is the last name that is going to get them in trouble. #Quote by Frank Zappa
Humorous quotes by Al Capone
#60. Vote early and vote often. #Quote by Al Capone
Humorous quotes by Woody Allen
#61. There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open? #Quote by Woody Allen
Humorous quotes by G. Willow Wilson
#62. ...God bless the man who first taught the world how to cure olives. He and the man who invented cheese are two unsung pillars of civilization."

"They were probably women," muttered Fatima, fanning her face with the sleeve of her robe. "If they were men, we would remember their names. #Quote by G. Willow Wilson
Humorous quotes by Terry Pratchett
#63. Oh, that's just Thud! That's easy!" yapped a voice.
Both men turned to look at Horsefry, who had been made perky by sheer relief.
"I used to play it when I was a kid," he burbled. It's boring. The dwarfs always win!"
Gilt and Vetinari shared a look. It said: While I loathe you and every aspect of your personal philosophy to a depth unplummable by any line, I'll credit you at least with not being Crispin Horsefry. #Quote by Terry Pratchett
Humorous quotes by Amunhotep El Bey
#64. Love is as we will it to be." ~ Amunhotep El Bey #Quote by Amunhotep El Bey
Humorous quotes by Thad Forester
#65. If a man does his best, what else is there? - General George Patton Jr. (1885-1945) #Quote by Thad Forester
Humorous quotes by Cassandra Clare
#66. Eggs," said Henry dreamily, looking at his plate. "I do love eggs. I could eat them all day. #Quote by Cassandra Clare
Humorous quotes by Mark W. Boyer
#67. After reading some of my stories, I once had a friend say to me, "I'd love to spend five minutes in your head to see what's going on in there." I warned them, "If you spent five seconds in my mind you'd probably run out screaming and never speak to me again. #Quote by Mark W. Boyer
Humorous quotes by Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#68. Not every single way of saying the right thing is right. #Quote by Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Humorous quotes by Anton Strout
#69. It saddened me that sometimes shopping was far more perilous than dealing with zombies and vampires. #Quote by Anton Strout
Humorous quotes by Shannon Stacey
#70. One of my favorite quotes is:
... If I strike you it ain't going to be in your fancy. #Quote by Shannon Stacey
Humorous quotes by Kate Sherwood
#71. I've never really learned how to do this. When we hunted, we had people to take care of what we caught."

"I thought you hunted with birds."

"We did."

"So the birds caught the animals, other people cleaned them... When you say 'hunting,' do you really mean 'going for a walk'? #Quote by Kate Sherwood
Humorous quotes by Debra Dunbar
#72. Do I look like I'm compelled to do anything? Do I seriously look like anyone could compel me to even bring them a coaster?"
She looked me over again. "You look like you're compelled to cause trouble, but I doubt that's the boss' directive. #Quote by Debra Dunbar
Humorous quotes by Linda    Armstrong
#73. All it takes for evil to be defeated is for good to find another way out of the confrontation. #Quote by Linda Armstrong
Humorous quotes by Lailah Gifty Akita
#74. The world is made up of words. #Quote by Lailah Gifty Akita
Humorous quotes by Sonya Hartnett
#75. I fail to see how turning the subject over like compost can do anything except raise its stink. #Quote by Sonya Hartnett
Humorous quotes by Liza Palmer
#76. I have a theory about pink pastry boxes. So much joy comes from those boxes. When someone walks into a room with a pink pastry box, joy immediately fills the room. World peace? Three words. Pink pastry box. I get a big cup of coffee and finalize my plans for world domination. #Quote by Liza Palmer
Humorous quotes by Carroll Bryant
#77. Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny. #Quote by Carroll Bryant
Humorous quotes by Brian Azzarello
#78. Joker: I don't mind you saying that, Johnny. Sometimes, I need to hear the obvious... now is not one of those times, though. #Quote by Brian Azzarello
Humorous quotes by Daniel O'Malley
#79. I don't care what you people say...we are not using a font that does not have fucking serifs." - Rook Myfanwy Thomas #Quote by Daniel O'Malley
Humorous quotes by William Shakespeare
#80. It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. #Quote by William Shakespeare
Humorous quotes by Donald McCaig
#81. Do you believe your gentle birth will turn a bullet?"
"Why, yes," Rhett said solemnly. "Hell yes! Gentle birth's got to be good for something! #Quote by Donald McCaig
Humorous quotes by Enid Bagnold
#82. Judges don't age; time decorates them. #Quote by Enid Bagnold
Humorous quotes by Dave Barry
#83. Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS agent is going to want to spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document. So even if you owe money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit. What does he care? It's not his money. #Quote by Dave Barry
Humorous quotes by Rose Wynters
#84. Ryker, you ride with Orlando," Ryker mocked in a snarky voice as he turned to the other man. He gestured toward the Pinto with a look of revulsion on his rugged face. "How the hell does he expect both of us to fit into that tiny metal trap? Even if we could squeeze in, the tires will probably pop. In fact, let's just carry it over. It'll be faster that way. #Quote by Rose Wynters
Humorous quotes by Groucho Marx
#85. Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication #Quote by Groucho Marx
Humorous quotes by Tara Sivec
#86. It's mind-blowing and delicious and better
than finding a pot of gold, a unicorn, and a leprechaun who shits diamonds at
the end of a rainbow. #Quote by Tara Sivec
Humorous quotes by Doctor You
#87. East or West, Home is Best
North or South, Hand to Mouth #Quote by Doctor You
Humorous quotes by Ken Follett
#88. It was the study hour. Most of the monks were reading. A few were meditating, an activity that was suspiciously similar to dozing. #Quote by Ken Follett
Humorous quotes by Groucho Marx
#89. I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. #Quote by Groucho Marx
Humorous quotes by Mae West
#90. You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles. #Quote by Mae West
Humorous quotes by Mita Jain
#91. Weakness is weaker when discovered by others. #Quote by Mita Jain
Humorous quotes by Ryan Lilly
#92. I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here? #Quote by Ryan Lilly
Humorous quotes by William John Locke
#93. Life is too transcendentally humorous for a man not to take it seriously. Compared with it, Death is but a shallow jest. #Quote by William John Locke
Humorous quotes by George Burns
#94. From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train. #Quote by George Burns
Humorous quotes by Dick Gregory
#95. Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot. #Quote by Dick Gregory
Humorous quotes by Dhani Harrison
#96. My dad used to say to me, 'You look more like me than I do.' #Quote by Dhani Harrison
Humorous quotes by Eva Gabor
#97. I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. #Quote by Eva Gabor
Humorous quotes by Dean Koontz
#98. Humanity is a parade of fools, and I am at the front of it, twirling a baton. #Quote by Dean Koontz
Humorous quotes by Jim Moorman
#99. Pop music is like an auditory cup of coffee. It has no nutritional value but it gets you going. #Quote by Jim Moorman
Humorous quotes by Neil Leckman
#100. I admit I once threw caution to the wind ...
It doesn't fly well!! #Quote by Neil Leckman
Humorous quotes by Marissa Meyer
#101. In the sudden silence, the crunching became absurdly loud, the demolition of small artificially flavored rice puffs filling the entire living room #Quote by Marissa Meyer
Humorous quotes by Stephen Boss
#102. It's been part of my signature to incorporate my humor with my dance, or even just how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling humorous, which I am, most of the day, I tend to incorporate that. If I'm dancing freestyle, if I feel like I've gotten too serious, while I'm moving, I'll think, "All right, it's time to lighten up a little bit," and I do. It just feels good. #Quote by Stephen Boss
Humorous quotes by Josh Billings
#103. There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. #Quote by Josh Billings
Humorous quotes by Homer Simpson
#104. I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff ... and I want in.. #Quote by Homer Simpson
Humorous quotes by Lois Greiman
#105. When in doubt, shoot 1st and ask questions later, but avoid the head, "because they'rea lot more likely to answer if they're not dead. #Quote by Lois Greiman
Humorous quotes by Jim Butcher
#106. You have a visitor, my lord."
I frowned, "What?"
"That is why I came in here. You have a visitor waiting for you." I stood up, exasperated.
"Why didn't you say so?" Lacuna looked confused. "I did. Just now. You were there." She frowned thoughtfully. "Perhaps you have brain damage."
"It would not shock me in the least," I said.
"Would you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?" she asked.
Someone that short should not be that disturbing. #Quote by Jim Butcher
Humorous quotes by Alan Bradley
#107. The first thing they would do would be to open my mouth and extract the soggy ball of my handkerchief, and as they spread it out flat on the table beside my white remains, an orange stamp - a stamp belonging to the King - would flutter to the floor: It was like something right out of Agatha Christie. #Quote by Alan Bradley
Humorous quotes by Giles Milton
#108. The local natives were particularly curious to know why the English required such huge quantities of pepper and there was much scratching of heads until it was finally agreed that English houses were so cold that the walls were plastered with crushed pepper in order to produce heat. #Quote by Giles Milton
Humorous quotes by Jessica Scott
#109. Seeing how I've held your penis in my hand, I think that puts you firmly in the not a stranger category. #Quote by Jessica Scott
Humorous quotes by Ana B. Good
#110. A tall woman with ass-length, honey-blonde hair had entered the lobby and was barking orders at an entourage of men who toted her Gucci leather luggage. Her dog, a white Westie, was barking, adding to the commotion. "Justin!" the woman chastised the man who held the door open for her. "Icky snow on my feet. My Manolo Blahniks. Oh my God! These shoes are a work of art! Do somethinggg! #Quote by Ana B. Good
Humorous quotes by Rich Hall
#111. When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor. #Quote by Rich Hall
Humorous quotes by Shannon Fife
#112. The persons hardest to convince that they're at the retirement age are children at bedtime. #Quote by Shannon Fife
Humorous quotes by Waheed Ibne Musa
#113. If an angry bull is running toward you, and your pants become wet despite holding the red cloth, make sure the other side of the cloth is white. #Quote by Waheed Ibne Musa
Humorous quotes by Mike Harding
#114. Economics, n.: Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith ... #Quote by Mike Harding
Humorous quotes by Frederick Lenz
#115. In Tantric Zen you can be humorous and make fun of anything or you can be very serious. #Quote by Frederick Lenz
Humorous quotes by Carol Wyer
#116. Smile while you still have teeth. #Quote by Carol Wyer
Humorous quotes by Carroll Bryant
#117. Today I feel like I did tomorrow. #Quote by Carroll Bryant
Humorous quotes by Eleni Papanou
#118. I cannot see you anymore. Your ego spans higher than the Himalayas. Sutara #Quote by Eleni Papanou
Humorous quotes by Tim Heidecker
#119. My dad is a very quick-witted, sarcastic, dry, humorous guy, whereas my mom's very silly, and that side of the family is very musical. #Quote by Tim Heidecker
Humorous quotes by John Alejandro King A.k.a. The Covert Comic
#120. Sometimes love isn't enough. The rest of the time it's overkill. #Quote by John Alejandro King A.k.a. The Covert Comic
Humorous quotes by Terry Pratchett
#121. Sergeant Colon owed thirty years of happy marriage to the fact that Mrs. Colon worked all day and Sargent Colon worked all night. They communicated by means of notes. They had three grown-up children, all born, Vimes had assumed, as a result of extremely persuasive handwriting. #Quote by Terry Pratchett
Humorous quotes by Nely Cab
#122. Galen poked Eryx on the shoulder three times. "Brother, if you feed the cats, they'll keep coming back. Please. I beg you. Stop." Bill and Andy broke out in laughter. I bit my bottom lip to keep from smiling at Galen's rude, yet humorous remark. Jean and Marie took half a turn and walked away. #Quote by Nely Cab
Humorous quotes by Dava Sobel
#123. Earlier maps had underestimated the distances to other continents and exaggerated the outlines of individual nations. Now global dimensions could be set, with authority, by the celestial spheres. Indeed, King Louis XIV of France, confronted with a revised map of his domain based on accurate longitude measurements, reportedly complained that he was losing more territory to his astronomers than to his enemies. #Quote by Dava Sobel
Humorous quotes by George Mikes
#124. American radio is the reverse of the Shakespearean stage. In Shakespeare's time the world's greatest dramas were acted with the most primitive technical arrangements; on the American air the world's most primitive writing is performed under perfect technical conditions. #Quote by George Mikes
Humorous quotes by Angelo Tsanatelis
#125. Mister if you want more to join,' She said half-choked 'you'll have to put in the coin. #Quote by Angelo Tsanatelis
Humorous quotes by Dave Barry
#126. We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about: the Islip Garbage Barge. #Quote by Dave Barry
Humorous quotes by Jo Brand
#127. If you're a fat person - and especially if you're a woman - at all stages of your life you'll get abuse for it, so you have to work out a way of dealing with it. The best way is to be humorous about it - that defuses any tension. #Quote by Jo Brand
Humorous quotes by Scott B. Pruden
#128. By the standards of a tourist strolling past looking for a quick lunch, the place was a dive. The sign on the window was small and easy to miss, and the antique feel of the place wasn't the prepackaged, old-shit-on-the-wall nostalgia that came with so many chain restaurants. The cafe was just old, and everything about it said old. But Jon liked it that way, if only because it kept the tourists away and spared him from hearing imported ignorance when there was plenty of local ignorance to go around. #Quote by Scott B. Pruden
Humorous quotes by Sarah Winman
#129. Shut up, Arthur,' said my mother, and he zipped his mouth shut like an infuriating child.
Ginger started to laugh. Not at anything in particular, but just because Ginger was stoned. #Quote by Sarah Winman
Humorous quotes by Jawaharlal Nehru
#130. It is far better to know our own weaknesses and failures than to point out those of others. #Quote by Jawaharlal Nehru
Humorous quotes by E.W. Howe
#131. If you want to know how old a woman is ... ask her sister-in-law. #Quote by E.W. Howe
Humorous quotes by Joan Rivers
#132. As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.' #Quote by Joan Rivers
Humorous quotes by S.W. Lothian
#133. You could have heard a bee fluff #Quote by S.W. Lothian
Humorous quotes by H.L. Mencken
#134. College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trustees played. There would be a great increase in broken arms, legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the loss to humanity. #Quote by H.L. Mencken
Humorous quotes by Elayne Boosler
#135. I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. #Quote by Elayne Boosler
Humorous quotes by Brian Spellman
#136. First, let me finish. Then interrupt. #Quote by Brian Spellman
Humorous quotes by Cherise Sinclair
#137. If you want to add some variety to your sex life, why don't you just use your other hand?" ~ Gabi #Quote by Cherise Sinclair
Humorous quotes by William J. Clinton
#138. I was not elected to produce a pile of vetoes. #Quote by William J. Clinton
Humorous quotes by Tom Lehrer
#139. Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things! #Quote by Tom Lehrer
Humorous quotes by Danielle Monsch
#140. Parent could embarrass their kids during the teenage years, but only a true virtuoso could embarrass them into their twenties and beyond. #Quote by Danielle Monsch
Humorous quotes by John Connolly
#141. It is a curious fact that small boys are more terrified of their babysitters than small girls are. In part, this is because small girls and babysitters, who are usually slightly larger girls, belong to the same species, and therefore understand each other. Small boys, on the other hand, do not understand girls, and therefore being looked after by one is a little like a hamster being looked after by a shark. If you are a small boy, it may be some consolation to you to know that even large boys do not understand girls, and girls, by and large, do not understand boys. This makes adult life very interesting. #Quote by John Connolly
Humorous quotes by Jim Butcher
#142. Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile. #Quote by Jim Butcher
Humorous quotes by Kevin Costner
#143. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. #Quote by Kevin Costner
Humorous quotes by Rachel Hauck
#144. Look, this isn't about the ring or when I ever made a hamburger, which, for your information, was my senior year of college."
"Right, when you almost caught our kitchen on fire."
"And you dated one of the firefighters for six months. You're welcome. Back to my problem. #Quote by Rachel Hauck
Humorous quotes by Bertrand Russell
#145. We are told that Sin consists in acting contrary to God's commands, but we are also told that God is omnipotent ... This leads to frightful results ... The British State considers it the duty of an Englishman to kill people who are not English whenever a collection of elderly gentlemen in Westminster tells him to do so ... Church and State are placable enemies of both intelligence and virtue. #Quote by Bertrand Russell
Humorous quotes by Peter Drucker
#146. There's an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job. #Quote by Peter Drucker
Humorous quotes by Patricia Schroeder
#147. He has denied what has happened. His sworn statements have denied what has happened. #Quote by Patricia Schroeder
Humorous quotes by Marilyn Vos Savant
#148. Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering. #Quote by Marilyn Vos Savant
Humorous quotes by Quinn Loftis
#149. Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate, and if you ever put your hands on me again I will cut them off along with other body parts you might want to use one day. Got it? Jacque told him with as much force as she could put behind her words. #Quote by Quinn Loftis
Humorous quotes by Daniil Kharms
#150. There lived a redheaded man who had no eyes or ears. He didn't have hair either, so he was called a redhead arbitrarily. He couldn't talk because he had no mouth. He had no nose either. He didn't even have arms or legs. He had no stomach, he had no back, he had no spine, and he had no innards at all. He didn't have anything. So we don't even know who we're talking about. It's better that we don't talk about him any more. #Quote by Daniil Kharms
Humorous quotes by Tom Robbins
#151. America is a nation of 270 million people: 100 million of them are gangsters, another 100 million are hustlers, 50 million are complete lunatics, and every single one of us is secretly in show business. Isn't that fabulous? #Quote by Tom Robbins
Humorous quotes by Tanya Huff
#152. I'll send three of Harnet's Di'taken. I have it on good authority that they think the sun shines out of my ass."
Pole leaned forwards just enough to bring the major into his line of sight.
Pole - "All of them?"
Torrin - "Some of them are officers and thus blinded by the sun shining out of their own asses."
Pole - "Did you just say that?"
Torrin - "Yeah," Torrin offered him her hand. "Get over it. #Quote by Tanya Huff
Humorous quotes by Charles Dickens
#153. I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as every practicable Christian should. #Quote by Charles Dickens
Humorous quotes by Michael P. Clutton
#154. Have you hugged your favorite Dork lately? Most of us are squeezably soft and adorable. #Quote by Michael P. Clutton
Humorous quotes by William J. Clinton
#155. Almost makes you want to go to jail out here, doesn't it? #Quote by William J. Clinton
Humorous quotes by Mel Morton
#156. Happiness is; knowing that Goodreads isn't blocked from my work IT system. #Quote by Mel Morton
Humorous quotes by Addison Moore
#157. The thought of my mother talking to me about sex makes me want to stab my eyes out with a fork, gouge even deeper and scramble my brains to prevent the conversation from ever happening. #Quote by Addison Moore
Humorous quotes by Steven Wright
#158. I've been thinking of humorous things since I was ... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now. #Quote by Steven Wright
Humorous quotes by William J. Clinton
#159. I don't think the Republicans can damage my character #Quote by William J. Clinton
Humorous quotes by Ron Glass
#160. I wanted to do an hour-long show, and I wanted to something that was dramatic and sometimes funny and humorous, as well. I'm just delighted to have this opportunity to be a part of this project. #Quote by Ron Glass
Humorous quotes by William J. Clinton
#161. And I have a plan to do even better, to end welfare as we know it #Quote by William J. Clinton
Humorous quotes by Brian Spellman
#162. I've been coerced into free will. #Quote by Brian Spellman
Humorous quotes by Tan Kian Ann
#163. hey man, i am tankianann and i like to research #Quote by Tan Kian Ann
Humorous quotes by Alexander Pope
#164. Those half-learn'd witlings, num'rous in our isle
As half-form'd insects on the banks of Nile #Quote by Alexander Pope
Humorous quotes by Katraina L Flowers
#165. If you can't beat them and don't care to join them, Then " FU*K THEM". #Quote by Katraina L Flowers
Humorous quotes by Tara Sivec
#166. My father had bought him a shirt
that said Sure you can date my daughter. In a completely unrelated topic,
have you seen my shotgun? #Quote by Tara Sivec
Humorous quotes by P. J. O'Rourke
#167. The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that." #Quote by P. J. O'Rourke
Humorous quotes by Miroslav Holub
#168. I think that the habit of gloomy poetry is very funny. It's like a special competition in losing. #Quote by Miroslav Holub
Humorous quotes by Finley Peter Dunne
#169. It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it. #Quote by Finley Peter Dunne
Humorous quotes by Azita Ghanizada
#170. I'm very physical. I'm extremely active, and I would love to do something a little more sexy and dangerous, a la Sophia Loren, or funny and humorous, a la Woody Allen. Getting to do things along those lines would be extremely wicked and a dream come true. #Quote by Azita Ghanizada
Humorous quotes by George Carlin
#171. They mention that it's a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don't care for that sort of thing. Call me old fashioned, but I insist that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport. #Quote by George Carlin
Humorous quotes by Aakash Deep
#172. Everything is uncomfortable for the first time: School, Smoking or Sex. #Quote by Aakash Deep
Humorous quotes by Henry A. Kissinger
#173. There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do. #Quote by Henry A. Kissinger
Humorous quotes by Louis Nizer
#174. In cross examination, as in fishing, nothing is more ungainly than a fisherman pulled into the water by his catch. #Quote by Louis Nizer
Humorous quotes by Mark Bell
#175. Writing is a lonely pursuit. The only thing working is imagination and hands.
The only difference between writing and masturbation is one is presumably intended for a mass audience. #Quote by Mark Bell
Humorous quotes by Dave Barry
#176. Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes. #Quote by Dave Barry
Humorous quotes by Margaret Atwood
#177. Pink is supposed to weaken your enemies, make them go soft on you, which must be why it's used for baby girls. It's a wonder the military hasn't got on to this. #Quote by Margaret Atwood
Humorous quotes by Frank P. Ryan
#178. I think that if Mozart were alive today and decided to become a novelist, he would write humorous fantasy. #Quote by Frank P. Ryan
Humorous quotes by Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
#179. Facts are the enemy of truth. #Quote by Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
Humorous quotes by Mohsin Hamid
#180. The mountain trembled like an earthquake. Dust flew into the sky. And the rock turned dark red, like the color of blood'.
'How would you know?' Asks Sindhi cap. 'You only have a black and white television'.
'But it's a very good one. You can almost see colours. #Quote by Mohsin Hamid
Humorous quotes by J. P. McEvoy
#181. Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. #Quote by J. P. McEvoy
Humorous quotes by Cleo Peitsche
#182. My gramps is a lot like you. No sense of adventure. All he does is sit in his urn... #Quote by Cleo Peitsche
Humorous quotes by Groucho Marx
#183. Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. #Quote by Groucho Marx
Humorous quotes by Aimee Carter
#184. Maybe you'll win when hell freezes over."
He raised an eyebrow.
"That could be easily arranged. #Quote by Aimee Carter
Humorous quotes by William Goldman
#185. Princess. By S. Morgenstern. It's a kids' classic. Tell him I'll quiz him on it when I'm back next week and that he doesn't have to like it or anything, but if he doesn't, tell him I'll kill myself. Give him that message exactly please; I wouldn't want to apply any extra pressure or anything. #Quote by William Goldman
Humorous quotes by William Faulkner
#186. Odor in his clothes and beard and flesh too which I believed was the smell of powder and glory, the elected victorious but know better now: know now to have been only the will to endure, a sardonic and even humorous declining of self-delusion which is not even kin to that optimism which believes that that which is about to happen to us can #Quote by William Faulkner
Humorous quotes by Emily Kirby
#187. I get a kick out of cursing people for life on Sundays. #Quote by Emily Kirby
Humorous quotes by Julio Alexi Genao
#188. So. Monday. We meet again.
We will never be friends - but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership. #Quote by Julio Alexi Genao
Humorous quotes by George Mikes
#189. The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today. #Quote by George Mikes
Humorous quotes by David McIntosh
#190. The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, and there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence. Yet, government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words. #Quote by David McIntosh
Humorous quotes by P.J. Hetherhouse
#191. He then reaches a new low. Without warning, he is suddenly set upon by a bear. #Quote by P.J. Hetherhouse
Humorous quotes by Diana Wynne Jones
#192. In a way it was worth it, she thought, except that it was such a total waste. #Quote by Diana Wynne Jones
Humorous quotes by Steve Jobs
#193. Learn more and Know more. #Quote by Steve Jobs
Humorous quotes by Dave Barry
#194. When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. #Quote by Dave Barry
Humorous quotes by Amanda Kelly
#195. Hey!" Mena exclaimed "Don't knock Jeopardy. I love that show"
"So do I" Max admitted.
"I like it when I know the answers." Logan added.
Trent turned to Logan, "Dude, if you hate the show, all you had to do was say so. #Quote by Amanda Kelly
Humorous quotes by Sarah Rees Brennan
#196. She thought she was getting out of the Water Rising clean, because she didn't see her father anywhere around: there was only Ash and Lillian sitting at a table, and a few other patrons at as much of a distance from Ash and Lillian as they could get. She made for the door, at which point Lillian caught her arm.

"Where are you going?"

"Uh," said Kami, eyeballing her wildly. "I'm going to buy some drugs."

Lillian stared. "I beg your pardon?"

"This is a really stressful time for everyone," said Kami. "So I thought maybe I could buy a little weed, take the edge off. I might be a while. This is a very clean-living town, apart from all the murders, so I don't actually know any drug dealers. I realize Jared kind of looks like one, but he's not, which is a shame because I think the drug dealer's girlfriend gets her drugs free."

"I realize you are attempting to be humorous," said Lillian, after a pause during which she stared some more. "I don't understand it."

"Hey, you're not the only family with a legacy. 'Glass' rhymes with 'sass.' Have you met my dad?"

"I have had that dubious pleasure," said Lillian. "He is, in fact, meant to be meeting me in order to, and I quote, 'teach me to integrate better with society, display leadership skills, win over the populace, and stop acting like a robot princess from space.' I admit that the humor in his humor escapes me as well." She paused and suddenly looked determined #Quote by Sarah Rees Brennan
Humorous quotes by David Nicholls
#197. Every week seems to bring another luxuriantly creamy envelope, the thickness of a letter-bomb, containing a complex invitation – a triumph of paper engineering – and a comprehensive dossier of phone numbers, email addresses, websites, how to get there, what to wear, where to buy the gifts. Country house hotels are being block-booked, great schools of salmon are being poached, vast marquees are appearing overnight like Bedouin tent cities. Silky grey morning suits and top hats are being hired and worn with an absolutely straight face, and the times are heady and golden for florists and caterers, string quartets and Ceilidh callers, ice sculptors and the makers of disposable cameras. Decent Motown cover-bands are limp with exhaustion. Churches are back in fashion, and these days the happy couple are travelling the short distance from the place of worship to the reception on open-topped London buses, in hot-air balloons, on the backs of matching white stallions, in micro-lite planes. A wedding requires immense reserves of love and commitment and time off work, not least from the guests. Confetti costs eight pounds a box. A bag of rice from the corner shop just won't cut it anymore. #Quote by David Nicholls
Humorous quotes by Clive James
#198. Perhaps I should have pointed out more often that without her (mother's) guidance and example I might have gone straight from short pants to Long Bay Gaol, which in those days was still in use and heavily populated by larcenous young men who had chosen their parents less wisely. #Quote by Clive James
Humorous quotes by Mackenzi Lee
#199. Here Lies Constatijn, slain by the first penis he saw that wasn't his own. #Quote by Mackenzi Lee
Humorous quotes by Walt Kelly
#200. Now is the time for all good men to come to. #Quote by Walt Kelly

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