Funny Family Quotes

#1. I thought my family was really funny. Everybody in my family was funny. My mom and dad both have great senses of humor and really saw the funny in stuff, so I think that's probably where it came from. I always try to see the funny in things. #Quote by Christine Ebersole

#2. All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. #Quote by W.C. Fields

#3. I grew up in Middle America and I don't think my family was very funny, but I watched 'The Princess Bride.' I always wanted to be an actor. I didn't know anything about it. I'd never seen any plays or anything and I watched that movie over and over and over again. #Quote by Missi Pyle

#4. Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. #Quote by Rita Ora

#5. Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground. #Quote by Francis Bacon

#6. I had a very funny family. #Quote by Zach Braff

#7. There just is not one person in my family who is not funny. #Quote by Michael Keaton

#8. I wasn't even 20 at the time, but it taught me something about drugs. They can take a good man, a warm, funny, loving family man, and turn him into a loser and worse. #Quote by Michael Bergin

#9. This may sound funny, but I feel my most beautiful when I'm clean, fresh out of the bath. I don't have to be dressed up. I could be in comfy clothes at home hanging out with my family. #Quote by Faith Hill

#10. I still read the British papers, but I've never been a Royalist, ever. It's funny, there always seems to be much more of a fascination with the Royal Family over here then there does in England. #Quote by Paul Bettany

#11. My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him. #Quote by Henny Youngman

#12. My children love my mother, and I tell my children, that is not the same woman I grew up with ... That is an old woman trying to get into heaven now. #Quote by Bill Cosby

#13. My family's always been really funny. I feel like comedy's hard. I feel like it's so important. #Quote by Christine Taylor

#14. I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business. #Quote by Wanda Sykes

#15. It's not common for a woman on television, especially if she's the mom of the family, to be funny. She's usually a straight man or foil. #Quote by Martha Plimpton

#16. I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid. #Quote by Sophia Bush

#17. My father was really good with math. It's a funny thing, I don't remember my father or my mother being so mechanical-minded. My father always wanted to be a doctor, but he came from a really poor family in Georgia, and there was no way he was going to be a doctor. #Quote by Herbie Hancock

#18. I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too. #Quote by Wanda Sykes

#19. My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo. #Quote by Henny Youngman

#20. Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. #Quote by Erma Bombeck

#21. It's a funny thing when you know someone and you meet their siblings - you get so much a sense of who they are because when you can recognize similar traits in the family, you understand exactly why they are the way they are. #Quote by Laura Donnelly

#22. I guess now that I think back, I used to play priest and be a funny priest. I don't know, I grew up in such a Catholic family that I kind of liked to test the boundaries a little bit and I think I had fun watching my mom laugh. #Quote by Jenny McCarthy

#23. There are precedents for what happens when societies allow the divide between rich and poor to get so huge that it stops being funny and starts becoming a sick, blood-boiling joke. If you had a Tardis, you could go back to 1917 and ask the Russian royal family how it was all going. #Quote by John Niven

#24. I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny. #Quote by Martin Short

#25. My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick". #Quote by Henny Youngman

#26. I am an only child. I have one sister. #Quote by Woody Allen

#27. Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts. #Quote by Wayne Huizenga

#28. Most of the people in my family were pretty funny. Everyone had a good sense of humor. I came to California right after college, wanting to be a musician. #Quote by Andy Kindler

#29. I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person, he may never utter a funny line. #Quote by Bob Newhart

#30. I'm surrounded by friends and family who are not that impressed by celebrity. They don't have any problem telling me I'm acting like an idiot or I'm not that funny. #Quote by Paloma Faith

#31. In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families - that they are least two-thirds incontinent. #Quote by Robert Breault

#32. Stories in families are colossally important. Every family has stories: some funny, some proud, some embarrassing, some shameful. Knowing them is proof of belonging to the family. #Quote by Salman Rushdie

#33. Movies these days have made killers into funny people. What's that all about? I've got kids and family and friends, and I don't like bad things. I don't think they're funny, and it's irresponsible to make movies that don't show you how that's not good. #Quote by Billy Bob Thornton

#34. I've always been part of comedy. One of the things about our family was that if we were reasonably funny with each other, particularly my two brothers and myself, when my father was upset with something you'd want to make sure in some way you made him laugh. Because when he didn't laugh, you were in trouble! #Quote by Leslie Nielsen

#35. When I was in college, I was in the theater department, which for anyone who has been involved in any kind of theater program, you know that it's really wacky and tight-knit, a real family. Me and my good friends from college would do random shows and plays that were sometimes serious, but most of the time really goofy and funny. #Quote by Darren Criss

#36. The happiness of the domestic fireside is the first boon of Heaven; and it is well it is so, since it is that which is the lot of the mass of mankind. #Quote by Thomas Jefferson

#37. Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate. #Quote by Erma Bombeck

#38. People just don't laugh when their family is violated, and you don't shrug it off. You band together and you defend together. It's a funny, primitive instinct. #Quote by Phillip Noyce

#39. Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity. #Quote by Bill Cosby

#40. That's why I like to get out there, and get people to see the other side of Mitt, and know us in a different reflection when you see the family and how funny he is with the boys and with the grandkids. And you know, just what a super guy he is. That's part of what I am doing, is letting people see the other side of Mitt. #Quote by Ann Romney

#41. Her friends say she is very funny. At a family dinner, she stood to go, and the footman very properly pulled her chair away. At that moment I asked her a question and she sat down again, except there was no chair. Everyone, including the Queen, laughed and laughed. #Quote by Prince Andrew

#42. I am the shortest and least funny person in my family. #Quote by Heather Donahue

#43. I been with strangers all day and they treated me like family. I come in here to family and you treat me like a stranger. #Quote by August Wilson

#44. There are a lot of funny people in my family. Absolutely. There were a lot of jokes growing up around the dinner table, for sure. We didn't grow up in a creative family. #Quote by Nate Corddry

#45. If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'You know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty. #Quote by Jeff Foxworthy

#46. I have a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old boy and the stuff that they watch, it's always ... I mean, it could be because we're a funny family, but they love the humor and combining humor with space action, I mean, you know, there's a winner right there. #Quote by Rhys Darby

#47. My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. #Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

#48. There is some humour in 'Family Values.' I don't want everyone to think it's not going to make them laugh. But there are quite a lot of poems there that aren't funny at all. #Quote by Wendy Cope

#49. I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on. #Quote by Ugo Betti

#50. It's not an accident that both my sister and I are writers. Our parents created an accidental Petri dish. My family has great storytellers, and I grew up in a very funny, conversational house and didn't have television. This small family farm was a bubble world that didn't have much to do with reality. #Quote by Elizabeth Gilbert

#51. When I was a child, I always wanted to be funny and to please people in my family. As you grow up that instinct becomes more refined, but it's still there. #Quote by Romola Garai

#52. I had this funny family. At one end, they were breeding dogs in south-east London - for greyhound racing - and at the other, my uncle was living in Downing Street. And I would actually go to Downing Street, which didn't strike me as funny. I'd get on the number 15 bus. #Quote by Michael Moorcock

#53. It had been, in Robin's view, the most perfect proposal, ever, in the history of matrimony. He had even had a ring in his pocket, which she was now wearing; a sapphire with two diamonds, it fitted perfectly, and all the way into town she kept staring at it on her hand as it rested on her lap. She and Matthew had a story to tell now, a funny family story, the kind you told your children, in which his planning (she loved that he had planned it) went awry, and turned into something spontaneous. She loved the tramps, and the moon, and Matthew, panicky and flustered, on one knee; she loved Eros, and dirty old Piccadilly, and the black cab they had taken home to Clapham. She #Quote by Robert Galbraith

#54. I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. #Quote by Paul Lynde

#55. I was the class clown at school, but at home, my family wasn't very funny. #Quote by Carrot Top

#56. We never really tried to shock for shock's sake on 'Family Guy'. If something was horribly offensive and shocking, we would put it in if it was also hysterically funny. #Quote by Seth MacFarlane

#57. My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don't know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny. #Quote by Nick Kroll

#58. To be honest with you, the dramatic side is more fun to play because I don't get to do it as often as I get to do the comedy stuff. Most of my work in this business has been comedy, and that's sort of the way the cookie crumbles. I had not sought out to just be a comedic actor, but I think that's my default because I come from a funny family. #Quote by Erica Ash

#59. My wife is way funnier than I am. As much as I don't really feel I share a sense of humour with my family, I definitely share one with her - we find the same things funny. #Quote by Steve Carell

#60. But the Levittowns were, with Levitt's willing acquiescence, segregated throughout their early years. Daisy and Bill Myers, the first black family to move into Levittown, Pennsylvania, were greeted with protests and a burning cross. A neighbor who opposed the family said that Bill Myers was "probably a nice guy, but every time I look at him, I see $2,000 drop off the value of my house. #Quote by Ta-Nehisi Coates

#61. The only good teachers for you are those friends who love you, who think you are interesting, or very important, or wonderfully funny; whose attitude is:
"Tell me more. Tell me all you can. I want to understand more about everything you feel and know and all the changes inside and out of you. Let more come out."
And if you have no such friend,
and you want to write,
well, then you must imagine one. #Quote by Brenda Ueland

#62. Adamant," Doren said proudly, handing over the shield. "We fished it out of the tar pit where we found the shirt of mail."
"Probably all belonged to the same careless adventurer," Newel speculated. "Too much money, not enough talent. #Quote by Brandon Mull

#63. Accidents happen, whether they're car accidents, friendly fire, drug overdoses. Accidents happen, and they're tragic. It's like a bomb that goes off and pieces of shrapnel rip into the flesh of the family. It's the families that need the compassion, because everywhere they walk, every day, someone reminds them of their loss. #Quote by James Belushi

#64. Hard times are what make families strong," she said.
"Then we must be the strongest family on earth," Frank laughed. #Quote by Bil Richardson

#65. They've finally comes up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. #Quote by Milton Berle

#66. The funny thing is, I don't actually think of myself as fat at all. I don't think I am. Not really. #Quote by Jo Brand

#67. If you take out of your statutes, your constitution, your family life all that is taken from the Sacred Book, what would there be left to bind society together? #Quote by Benjamin Harrison

#68. When corruption is king, there is no accountability of leadership and no trust in authority. Society devolves to the basic units of family and self, to the basic instincts of getting what you can when you can, because you don't believe anything better will ever come along. And when the only horizon is tomorrow, how can you care about the kind of nation you are building for your children and your grandchildren? How can you call on your government to address what ails society and build stronger institutions? #Quote by Nuhu Ribadu

#69. That's the funny thing about pity, Saint. It's condescending by default. #Quote by Wildbow

#70. I'll fix things up with George soon as she gets here," Anthony mumbled. "You may depend upon it."
"Oh,I know you will, but you'll have to hie yourself back to London to do so, since she ain't coming here. Didn't want to inflict her dour mood on the festivities, so decided it ould be best to absent herself."
Anthony looked appalled now and complained, "You didn't say she was that mad."
"Didn't I? Think you're wearing that black eye just because she's a mite annoyed?"
"That will do," Jason said sternly. "This entire situation is intolerable.And frankly, I find it beyond amazing that you have both utterly lost your finesse in dealing ith women since you married."
That,of course, hit quite below the belt where these two ex[rakes were concerned. "Ouch," James muttered, then in his own defense, "American women are an exception to any known rule, and bloody stubbron besides."
"So are Scots,for that matter," Anthony added. "They just don't behave like normal Enlgishwomen,Jason,indeed they don't."
"Regardless.You know my feelings on the entire family gathering here for Christmas.This is not the time for anyone in the family to be harboring any ill will of any sort.You both should have patched this up before the holidays began. See that you do so immediately, if you both have to return to London to do so."
Having said his peace, Jason headed for the door to leave his brothers to mull over their conduct,or rather, misconduct, but added before he l #Quote by Johanna Lindsey

#71. Look under your bed and you will know the greatest thief in your room. #Quote by ABC

#72. I don't know how many modern families watch 'Modern Family,' but then one of the points of 'Modern Family' is that it's hard to tell what a modern family is anymore, let alone what it does. #Quote by Steve Erickson

#73. Later on, like practically everyone else in our stupid and godless society, I was to consider these two years as "my religious phase." I am glad that that now seems very funny. But it is sad that it is funny in so few cases. Because I think that practically everybody does go through such a phase, and for the majority of them, that is all that it is, a phase and nothing more. If that is so, it is their own fault: for life on this earth is not simply a series of "phases" which we more or less passively undergo. If the impulse to worship God and to adore Him in truth by the goodness and order of our own lives is nothing more than a transitory and emotional thing, that is our own fault. It is so only because we make it so, and because we take what is substantially a deep and powerful and lasting moral impetus, supernatural in its origin and in its direction, and reduce it to the level of our own weak and unstable and futile fancies and desires. #Quote by Thomas Merton

#74. America - where we hate our
fathers, love our mothers, and
everyone is hung up on trying
to be a man #Quote by Phil Volatile

#75. Logan reached to tip her chin up with his finger. "Bullshit," he said softly. "Those are just examples. You put other people first. Without even thinking about it." He paused. Then added, "I'll be honest--" He brushed his thumb over her chin. " I probably didn't put all of that into actual thought before all of this with the baby and everything. It was just a general impression of you. Something about you drew me in. But I do know what it is now. You think I'm fun and the life of the party and make people comfortable and happy. But so do you. Not with the same techniques, but being with you is easier on people than being without you."
[Dana] sucked in a little breath. That was, by far, no question, the best thing anyone had ever said to her. #Quote by Erin Nicholas

#76. There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air. #Quote by Steven Wright

#77. The hardest time in any relationship is chsnge. And nothing brings more change in a family dynamic than when a teen is becoming their own person. #Quote by C.C. Hunter

#78. I always think family get-togethers when everybody just sort of crashes out are pretty much the best. If it's more than a few days it gets hard, but for just a few days, it's the most amazing thing ever. #Quote by Lauren Cohan

#79. His voice is all peculiar and he's got a funny smell. Not hamsterish like Libby but sort of doggy/cheesy. I don't think all boys smell like that. Perhaps it's because he's my cousin. #Quote by Anonymous

#80. Let the machine take care of the machines, and I'll go spend more time with my family, or golf. #Quote by Mark Goddard

#81. It's delicious,' he announces, chewing my sandwich. 'I would like to stay here forever and die with you in my arms.'
'I don't know. I think it's too cold for forever,' I say, smiling. #Quote by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

#82. I definitely want to start a family, but that will happen when it's supposed to. #Quote by Brittany Murphy

#83. People get a kick out of my stupidity. #Quote by Dolly Parton

#84. We finally settled on Francis Ford Coppola's version of Dracula, which, unfortunately, Gabriel seemed to think was a comedy. I think it was the combination of Keanu Reeves's British accent and Gary Oldman's elderly Count Dracula hairstyle. They're just misleading. #Quote by Molly Harper

#85. Sometimes I think he wanted it to happen. Maybe he felt alone and unloved and he wanted someone to notice him in the most dramatic way: a rescue. How luxurious it would be, he could have thought, to have your father's powerful hands snatch you from deadly water, pull you up and return you to the shore where your family is waiting for you. Then they would recognize how valuable you are.

You wouldn't be ignored after that.

Every day you would be loved the way you deserve. #Quote by Adam Davies

#86. Somehow the idea of Montgomery as a fairy doesn't have the same effect on me as it appears to have on you.
-Raphael #Quote by Nalini Singh

#87. There is a part of me that no one ever sees.
I hide behind a mask of heavy make-up and ever-changing hair and clothing. I try to reinvent myself. It doesn't work. There are times when I am bone-crushingly sad. I just want to curl into a ball and hide from the rest of the world. But, I plaster on a smile and play the game for my family and friends. They call me a free spirit.
I wish I were free. I feel like I am imprisoned by my own mind. #Quote by Julia Crane

#88. Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!" #Quote by Mitch Hedberg

#89. If you can raise a family, then you can build a business. #Quote by Michael Port

#90. I'm the only person in my family who can't sing. My grandmother was an opera singer and all of her kids were in church five days a week - or between church and vocal lessons at Carnegie Hall. But my mom had her first studio experience recording on my album. She's used to having to fill the room, so she had to adjust to the microphone and not sing opera. #Quote by Le1f

#91. ...we all live our lives with multiple identities intersecting with one another, creating a mix of privileges and challenges that all people carry with us. Race, gender, economic background, religion, immigration status, family acceptance, and so much more create a complex matrix that sometimes erects obstacles but other times ensures support in overcoming barriers put in your way. #Quote by Sarah McBride

#92. Vanity, revenge, loneliness, boredom, all apply: lust is one of the least of the reasons for promiscuity. #Quote by Mignon McLaughlin

#93. Clary,

Despite everything, I can't bear the thought of this ring being lost forever, any more then I can bear the thought of leaving you forever. And though I have no choice about the one, at least I can choose about the other. I'm leaving you our family ring because you have as much right to it as I do.
I'm writing this watching the sun come up. You're asleep, dreams moving behind your restless eyelids. I wish I knew what you were thinking. I wish I could slip into your head and see the world the way you do. I wish I could see myself the way you do. But maybe I dont want to see that. Maybe it would make me feel even more than I already do that I'm perpetuating some kind of Great Lie on you, and I couldn't stand that.
I belong to you. You could do anything you wanted with me and I would let you. You could ask anything of me and I'd break myself trying to make you happy. My heart tells me this is the best and greatest feeling I have ever had. But my mind knows the difference between wanting what you can't have and wanting what you shouldn't want. And I shouldn't want you.
All night I've watched you sleeping, watched the moonlight come and go, casting its shadows across your face in black and white. I've never seen anything more beautiful. I think of the life we could have had if things were different, a life where this night is not a singular event, separate from everything else that's real, but every night. But things aren't different, and I can't #Quote by Cassandra Clare

#94. No-one is going to sit down and read Bleak House to the family any more, but they can all huddle up happily in front of Charles Bronson. #Quote by Martin Amis

#95. I'm from a big family - I'm the youngest of seven - and my wife is one of four. So we always wanted a lot of kids. It's what we're used to, and for us it's what life is all about. #Quote by Chris O'Donnell

#96. Humor is the mask of wisdom. #Quote by Friedrich Durrenmatt

#97. The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the question: How many whales can you catch in one week? #Quote by Terry Pratchett

#98. When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is.

* If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off.
* If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zombie with a speech impediment, or a zombie that was mildly retarded in life.
* Keep in mind that it is entirely possible that you did encounter a human named "Brian. #Quote by Shamus McCarty

#99. But Tact and Sensitivity were not Gobber's strong points, and he took the first five minutes to come up with "Hiccup copped it. SORRY," and the spent the second five minutes tearing his beard out. #Quote by Cressida Cowell

#100. I'm a ... seven-figure base salary, two digit million bonus a year asset manager ... " Ghislain smiled, tiredly. "And you call me a 'pet?'"
Emil laughed softly and tucked a lock of hair behind Ghislain's ear, as if he would a child, or a pet. "My dear, I am a son of the Dalca family and I just beat you until you were red, then fucked you. Is there another term you prefer? #Quote by Aleksandr Voinov

#101. love you for your smart-ass mouth, and your purity, and your kindness, and your rambling, and your love of family, and for the way you care about those you love. But most of all, I love you because you're you, and you accept me for who I am. #Quote by Nina Levine

#102. I don't know anyone who has described that terrible yearning for ecstasy and immolation through music as lucidly as Sean Madigan Hoen in Songs Only You Know. Only a thorough initiate of the scene who also had some genius with language could summon the demotic yet electric voice for the job. If there is ruefulness, now, for the way he treated his body, his girlfriends, and his family, he wisely reprises in his book, in neon detail, the fever that once placed him in the same drunken boat with Iggy Pop, Rimbaud and Artaud. #Quote by Jaimy Gordon