Funny And Random Quotes

#1. I think you need to give me a pet name - a term of endearment."
His face was its typical impassive mask, but I could tell that I'd surprised him.
Finally, he said, "Like ... babe?"
"No - that feels awkward and wrong and has undertones of pedophilia. I'm thinking of something more age appropriate, yet affectionate. #Quote by Penny Reid

#2. By the power of Grayskull ... I have the power!" Nick
"By the power of Grayskull, I'm going to cleave your skull from your shoulders if you don't take this seriously." Caleb #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#3. After reading some of my stories, I once had a friend say to me, "I'd love to spend five minutes in your head to see what's going on in there." I warned them, "If you spent five seconds in my mind you'd probably run out screaming and never speak to me again. #Quote by Mark W. Boyer

#4. This cave is so dark I can't see any of you in your ninja outfits." "Sorry." the boys said and they peeled off their outfits and left them in a pile. The boys left Mollie's mask on because she looked awesome and mysterious, but she pulled it off anyway, because she was a dog and dogs don't wear masks. #Quote by Ella Minster

#5. Shit a surprise, only an asshole turns down a surprise. - David #Quote by Lex Thomas

#6. In the sudden silence, the crunching became absurdly loud, the demolition of small artificially flavored rice puffs filling the entire living room #Quote by Marissa Meyer

#7. If you're listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.
I'd like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riots,tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, and of course the giant snake who swallowed the sun - I'm afraid most of that was our fault. Carter and I decided we should at least explain how it happened. #Quote by Rick Riordan

#8. Shut up, idiot," he growled.
"Oops," Ian replied, looking uncomfortable. "I feel stupid, now."
Peter shook his head. "That's the understatement of the year. #Quote by Rose Wynters

#9. Jesse is a good guy, although I don't understand the infatuation with the spandex he is always running around in. #Quote by Holly Hood

#10. And so the cycle of innocence found, lost, found again, and finally

lost is complete. Just as a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut… and a thighmaster is neither a thigh nor a master… so our hero learned that

Netflix and Chill means neither Netflix nor Chill.

And if you're just learning this for the first time, welcome to the end of your innocence. #Quote by Philip Rivera

#11. I get the feeling humanity would be thrilled to discover life on another planet. So why not rediscover it here and really cherish it. #Quote by Tom Althouse

#12. Instead I sounded like a little girl on her first day of kindergarten. My name is Bee, and I like coloring and horsies. #Quote by Kate Avery Ellison

#13. People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when required. #Quote by Wes Adamson

#14. He looked earnestly at me, as if that was important to me. #Quote by Raymond Chandler

#15. Don't you wish we all lived in black light ... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it #Quote by Josh Stern

#16. Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. #Quote by Darynda Jones

#17. That didn't sound like them slinging beads at us. Think if I whip my shirt off, they'll go blind and leave? Nick #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#18. Lying on the ceiling. Refusing to go to school. Not opening up to me. Climbing water towers. No, she's all right. #Quote by Kami Garcia

#19. Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit. #Quote by Rick Riordan

#20. The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven. #Quote by Fakeer Ishavardas

#21. I showed him the Post-it. "You see They're from Lily."

"Who's Lily?"

"Some girl."

"Ooh... a girl!"

"Boomer, we're not in third grade anymore. You don't say, 'Ooh... a girl!'"

"What? You fucking her?"

"Okay, Boomer, you're right. I liked 'Ooh... a girl!' much more than that.
Let's stick with 'Ooh... a girl! #Quote by David Levithan

#22. I've got to get my body back. While I like wearing you, I'd rather wear you as a blanket on top of me and not the skin I'm walking around in. It has this whole Hannibal Lecter aspect that's really creeping me out."Jo
"Hannibal Lecter?" Cadegan
"It's a TV show and book character. Not really important. Like a wombat in a blender." Jo
"I'm not sure what this blender is, but I think I should be feeling bad for that poor wombat." Cadegan #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#23. The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping. #Quote by Christy Leigh Stewart

#24. Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs #Quote by Josh Stern

#25. You don't like Blue, do you?"
"No," Mira said, caught off guard by the change of subject.
"I was worried he was doing his knight-in-tarnished-armor thing and it was winning you over. #Quote by Sarah Cross

#26. My book sales are way down today. Also, I've received two scathing reviews. One of them calls me a purveyor of insipid wet-dreams. #Quote by Nenia Campbell

#27. If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months #Quote by Josh Stern

#28. I Don't care which president is sucking your dick at the moment, I will not be a party to the killing of innocent men! #Quote by Brandice Snowden Demon's Veil

#29. Whenever anyone finds out there are seven kids in my family, the imagine my mom and dad having sex. #Quote by Rachel DeWoskin

#30. Sometimes you are the peanut to my butter and sometimes you are those annoying crumbs left over when someone makes toast. #Quote by Brenda Lochinger

#31. Morelli was wearing a blazer over a black knit shirt, He took a seat, and his jacket swung wide, exposing the gun at his hip.
"Nice piece!" Grandma said. "What is it? Is that a forty-five?"
"It's a nine- millimeter."
"Don't suppose you'd let me see it," Grandma said. "I'd sure like to get the feel of a gun like that."
"No!" said everyone in unison.
"I shot a chicken once," Grandma explained to Morelli. "It was an accident."
"Where did you shoot it?" he finally asked.
"In the gumpy," Grandma said. "Shot it clear off. #Quote by Janet Evanovich

#32. Everyone thinks they're entitled to their 15 minutes of fame. And it's that narcissism that makes people, who have no business writing a book, think they can write a book. #Quote by Oliver Markus Malloy

#33. Do animals understand the concept of dreams or do they think they enter another dimension when they get tired? #Quote by Christy Leigh Stewart

#34. This isn't a trunk monkey, is it." Nick
"No. It's not. It's a memento from your enemies." Caleb
"Yeah, well, at least it makes my heart surgery scar look cooler." Nick #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#35. One fall day in Boston, a tall mechanical engineering student named Joe entered the student union at Harvard University. He was all ambition and acne #Quote by Dan Ariely

#36. I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago."
"Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear? #Quote by MaryJanice Davidson

#37. And Jack, who felt like he was on the cusp of being able to read minds and thought it would be all right if Luce wrote him down for that. ("I sense that you're okay with that, am I right?" He made a gun out of his fingers and clicked his tongue.) #Quote by Lauren Kate

#38. Sicarius, are you ready for a hike?"
She faced him only to find he had armed himself - more so than usual. In addition to his daggers and throwing knives, he held two rifles, two pistols, two cargo belts laden with ammo pouches, and a bag of his smoke grenades.
"Or a single-handed all-out assault on the forest? #Quote by Lindsay Buroker

#39. NI!
Oh no! Not ni! #Quote by Graham Chapman

#40. Is that a rule? Do you have a rule that you can't kiss people in the morning? #Quote by Holly Hood

#41. I do know you're nothing like him. But you're still ... still a lot. A lot to handle. I don't mean your junk, obviously, as we've not gotten to the fondling-bits stage yet. And I can't believe I just talked about your junk. #Quote by Nicole Peeler

#42. Jesus H. Christ on ice and Mary in the penalty box! #Quote by Rob Sheffield

#43. There is no logic in logics except an illogical logic. #Quote by Santosh Kalwar

#44. Tell Savitar I said hi. #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#45. The house had a name. The Banana House. It was carved onto a piece of sandstone above the front door. It made no sense to anyone. #Quote by Hilary McKay

#46. Is this about what happened to you and the old Sector 7?" I asked with a growl of my own.
His hands tightened their grip on my shoulders. "How did you know about that?"
"Tabby-Chan told me."
"Freaking Meko-Chan," Kuroi uttered, "I swear, that kid is gonna get it. What did she tell you, exactly?"
"She told me not to tell you that she told me what you told her." I realized what I said. "Oops."

~Luna's POV, Clash of the Clans: Shinobi 7 Companion Book #1 #Quote by L. Benitez

#47. If at first you don't succeed, lower you expectations #Quote by Jonathan Tropper

#48. No one broke his finger and got away with it. #Quote by Sarah Masters

#49. Darling Daddy,
This is Rose.
Saffy says everyone says it is Indigo's fault that their Head has two black eyes and a swelled-up nose.
Love from Rose.
P.S. Sarah who is here says to tell you love from wheelchair woman too.
Rose's father telephoned especially to tell Rose not to call Sarah Wheelchair Woman.
"That's what she called herself," protested Rose. "She thought of it! Aren't you worried about what I told you about Indigo and the Head?"
"What?" asked Bill. "Oh that! Two black eyes and a swollen nose! I don't think I can believe that one, Rose darling! #Quote by Hilary McKay

#50. It's just crazy, isn't it? Here she sits at a table, like butter wouldn't melt, yet in my ear, I'm the one that's melting like butter! #Quote by Jimmy Tudeski

#51. Care to explain?" Ari asked.
"Didn't you see my signals?"
"Yeah. But they didn't make sense. Five into one and it's an intrusion."
"It's an illusion! Five of them are an illusion."
"That's not the signal for illusion. This is." Ari demonstrated the proper signal.
"That's what I did."
"No, you didn't. You did a weird twisty thing with your pinky."
"I had a scimitar at my throat. I'd like to see you try signaling under those conditions."
-Janco and Ari bickering #Quote by Maria V. Snyder

#52. Believe you me, I am all for you; and wish you well - for you to go to hell. #Quote by Fakeer Ishavardas

#53. Even the Thanksgiving when her parents had just divorced, Hoosier Pie made the cut. ...They also, incidentally, made a pumpkin pie, but it fell on the floor, a classic example of survival of the fittest #Quote by Molly Wizenberg

#54. Not that I don't appreciate the rescue," Holt said. "But I'm forced to ask, in the interest of self-preservation ... exactly how well armed are you right now? #Quote by Rachel Vincent

#55. Now there's a girl I don't want to mess with' - or at least, that's what I would think if I had a chronic fear of freakishly nice people. #Quote by Nenia Campbell

#56. Jace?" She offered him the glass.
"I am a man," he told her. "And men do not consume pink beverages. Get the gone, woman and bring me something brown."
"Brown?" Isabelle made a face.
"Brown is a manly colour," said Jace and yanked on a stray lock of Isabelle's hair with his free hand. "In fact, look-Alec is wearing it."
Alec looked mournfully down at his sweater. "It was black," he said. "But then it faded."
"You could dress it up with a sequined headband," Magnus suggested. #Quote by Cassandra Clare

#57. Ish #1 It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles. #Quote by Regina Griffin

#58. She grabbed all her clothes from her wardrobe and flung them across the room, screaming her head off until she finally felt sane again. Perhaps tomorrow she would buy those cats. (Holly) #Quote by Cecelia Ahern

#59. Do you remember what I forgot? #Quote by Erica Goros

#60. He looked up at Stig and Hal. 'Told you this one was a keeper.' Lydia flushed as the two boys smiled. 'Shut up. You make sure you do your stuff with those two overgrown dinner bowls you call shields. #Quote by John Flanagan

#61. Where's the ice cream?"
"In the oven. #Quote by E.L. James

#62. He was the firstborn Bridgerton of a firstborn Bridgerton of a firstborn Bridgerton eight times over. He had a dynastic responsibility to be fruitful and multiply. #Quote by Julia Quinn

#63. You have heard about the reindeer that pull old Santa's sled.
But mostly I hate Rudolph and wish that he were dead.
With his nose of red which we all know just can't be true.
I wish someone would just kill him, that someone could be you.
He is Santa's favorite and to the front he can be found.
Instead of his red nose, "I" think it should be brown.
He believes that Santa likes him and thinks that he's a winner.
But Santa Claus has other plans he wants Rudolph for his dinner.
Old Saint Nick is greedy this I know without a doubt.
What else do you think happens to all the great toys we go without?
He takes them and he breaks them be cause he doesn't care a bit.
To me it doesn't matter, Why, he can keep his "Schict".
Yes' it's true that I hate Santa too, dressed in his suit of silk.
That's why this year with the homemade cookies,
I'm going to leave some poison milk. #Quote by Mark W. Boyer

#64. Leonard had let them go alone with the young boy who Ali was now convinced, was a couple falafel's short of a picnic #Quote by L.R. Currell

#65. Come Hell or High Water usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub #Quote by Josh Stern

#66. He's close enough now that I can hear his footfall on the pavement, and I know
my chances of outrunning him are slim. I'm practically in a full sprint, and my
pounding heart is begging me to take it down a notch. I try to will my feet to keep pace with its beat; but I think it's humanly impossible to run that fast. And then it dawns on me that my footsteps are the only ones I hear.

Somewhere along the way, Tristan's must have come to a stop. And I can't quite explain why I'm running this fast in the first place. I slow to a jog, intending to just pick up with my original pace; but I can't seem to suck in breaths fast enough to propel my feet any further. My molten shoes stutter to a stop, as my hands come to rest on my knees. I'm still wheezily sucking in breath after breath of thick, humid air, when I warily turn to
look over my shoulder.

Tristan's standing about fifty feet back, hands on his hips and a completely
flummoxed twist in his forehead, his chest rising and falling with equally winded gasps. Evidently I was running faster than I gave myself credit for. As he silently watches me, regaining his breath as I do mine, the confusion on his face turns to undeniable hurt (and not the physical kind). I've wounded him, and I can't even
explain why.

Man, I really am an ass. I start the slow walk of shame back to where he stands, one hand upon my hip as I pull in a few more calming deep breaths. I'm debating whether to #Quote by M.A. George

#67. I'd say," the Ranger answered after a few seconds' deliberation, "that he'll be heading south now that he has the chance. Back into Araluen."
"How do you know that?" Horace asked. He was always impressed at the two Rangers' ability to read a situation and come up with the correct answer to a problem. Sometimes, he thought, they almost seemed to have divine guidance.
"I'm guessing," Halt told him. #Quote by John Flanagan

#68. EAT SANDWICH, NOT OWN MOUTH. #Quote by Lauren Conrad

#69. Look at her," he ordered. "She's foaming at the mouth. That's bad, right? Don't they shoot you when you do that?"
"She's blowing bubbles," Grace explained. "At three months, we say it's cute. We frown on it when a child turns six. At thirteen, a stem reprimand is in order. It's only bubble-blowing adults we shoot. #Quote by Day Leclaire

#70. Haha, I can't hit you. If I did, I'd feel sorry for the person who'd have to clean up the mess of your splattered brain. #Quote by Kyousuke Motomi

#71. And I figured you'd drive a four-hour round-trip before giving up your car to someone else #Quote by Richelle Mead

#72. Hey, don't knock it. It still runs. Most of the time, even after I turn it off. Jo #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#73. I have only touched one other computer at my friend Marissa's house, and found the experience disconcerting. There was something sinister about the green letters and numbers that flashed on the screen as the computer booted up, and I hated the way Marissa stopped answering questions or noticing me the second it was turned on. #Quote by Lena Dunham

#74. Damn it. Reyes could be such a butthead. Freaking Antichrists. #Quote by Darynda Jones

#75. Green grass breaks through snow,
Artemis pleads for my help,
I am so cool. #Quote by Rick Riordan

#76. George had his faraway look, the one that made him look like a constipated owl. #Quote by Jonathan Stroud

#77. Right now, I couldn't have cared less if someone had waltzed across the room in a large flower costume with a sign saying GET YOUR BLACK TULIPS HERE. Every nerve in my body was on man-alert, screaming, incoming! #Quote by Lauren Willig

#78. He had bright elfin eyes and a knowledgeable ass. #Quote by Chris Hannan

#79. Is she special? (asks the gay waiter)" I thinks she's going to break my heart" On arrival of the girl" The flannel is fine honey,but I have'nt seen anyone that over accesorized since batman! #Quote by Christopher Moore

#80. I'm beginning to think my name has been changed to Damn it or Asshole Styxx #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#81. Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says Oh, no! She's up. #Quote by Joanne Clancy

#82. Lettuce mustard our strength, celery-brate and have bun while I scream, relish the day! #Quote by Tom Althouse

#83. NORA [looking earnestly and a little doubtfully at him]. Surely
if you let one woman cry on you like that you'd never let another
touch you.

BROADBENT [conscientiously]. One should not. One OUGHT not, my
dear girl. But the honest truth is, if a chap is at all a
pleasant sort of chap, his chest becomes a fortification that has
to stand many assaults: at least it is so in England.

NORA [curtly, much disgusted]. Then you'd better marry an
Englishwoman.

BROADBENT [making a wry face]. No, no: the Englishwoman is too
prosaic for my taste, too material, too much of the animated
beefsteak about her. The ideal is what I like. Now Larry's taste
is just the opposite: he likes em solid and bouncing and rather
keen about him. It's a very convenient difference; for we've
never been in love with the same woman.

NORA. An d'ye mean to tell me to me face that you've ever been in
love before?

BROADBENT. Lord! yes.

NORA. I'm not your first love?

BROADBENT. First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of
curiosity: no really self-respecting woman would take advantage
of it. No, my dear Nora: I've done with all that long ago. Love
affairs always end in rows. We're not going to have any rows:
we're going to have a solid four-square home: man and wife:
comfort and common sense--and plenty of affection, eh [he puts
his arm round he #Quote by George Bernard Shaw

#84. Time and Tide wait for no Man; what about woman ? How Sexist ! #Quote by Gaurav Rao

#85. Oh, sod off, I'm calling the Police." Another series of banging on the door. "Open up, Police." That was quick. #Quote by Simon Dunn

#86. He done his level best.

Was he a mining on the flat..
He done it with a zest..
Was he a leading of the choir..
He done his level best.

If he'd a reg'lar task to do,
He never took no rest..
Or if 'twas off and on the same..
He done his level best.

If he was preachin' on his beat,
He'd tramp from east to west,
And north to south ..in cold and heat..
He done his level best.

He'd Yank a sinner outen (Hades),
And land him with the blest;
Then snatch a prayer'n waltz in again,
And do his level best.

He'd cuss and sing and howl and pray,
And dance and drink and jest,
He done his level best.

Whate'er this man was sot to do
He done it with a zest;
No matter what his contract was,
He'd do his level best... #Quote by Mark Twain

#87. If your mother tells you to do a thing, it is wrong to reply that you won't. It is better and more becoming to intimate that you will do as she bids you, and then afterward act quietly in the matter according to the dictates of your best judgment. #Quote by Mark Twain

#88. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is one of the most extraordinary ventures in the entire history of catering.

It is built on the fragmented remains of an eventually ruined planet which is (wioll haven be) enclosed in a vast time bubble and projected forward in time to the precise moment of the End of the Universe.

This is, many would say, impossible.

In it, guests take (willan on-take) their places at table and eat (willan on eat) sumptuous meals while watching (willing watchen) the whole of creation explode around them.

This, many would say, is equally impossible.

You can arrive (mayan arrivan on-when) for any sitting you like without prior (late fore-when) reservation because you can book retrospectively, as it were, when you return to your own time (you can have on-book haventa forewhen presooning returningwenta retrohome).

This is, many would now insist, absolutely impossible.

At the Restaurant you can meet and dine with (mayan meetan con with dinan on when) a fascinating cross-section of the entire population of space and time.

This, it can be explained patiently, is also impossible.

You can visit it as many times as you like (mayan on-visit re onvisiting ... and so on – for further tense correction consult Dr. Streetmentioner's book) and be sure of never meeting yourself, because of the embarrassment this usually causes. #Quote by Douglas Adams

#89. Some people are born to fandom, others have fandom thrust upon them. #Quote by Nenia Campbell

#90. Babe, I don't know you and my no zone has a very short guest list. Consider my belt the velvet rope no one crosses without an express invitation. #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#91. Mr. Taylor has this habit of emphasizing his point by using three adjectives or verbs in a row. 'Class, you must know,' Simon begins [imitating] in a droning voice, flinging her arms around at every syllable, 'that should you fail to understand, to comprehend, to FEEL the power of the Constitution's words you will lose, forfeit, SURRENDER your ability to master the meaning of this most important document. You must read with an open mind in order to nurture, care for, and FOSTER your citizenship. Do I make myself clear, succinct, and COMPREHENSIBLE? #Quote by Randa Abdel-Fattah

#92. If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried #Quote by Josh Stern

#93. Dear Fly,

I love you. If you are a mouse I am cheese. If you are a cat I am a mouse. You are a fly, so I want to be shit. #Quote by Casey Scieszka

#94. Why can't you place a blessing like that on us," I asked.
"It only works on wild animals,"
"So it would only affect Percy," Annabeth reasoned. #Quote by Rick Riordan

#95. I was shameless in my supermarket-shelf mass-market taste. I loved King, Evanovich, Grisham and Brown. I won't lie; the oficial-looking filing cabinet in the corner is actually stuffed full of my paperbacks. #Quote by Molly Harper

#96. COFFEE! Because this body is NOT going to wake itself up! #Quote by Tanya Masse

#97. [Razo] knocked, peered inside, then jumped and shut the door, quiet as brushing two feathers together. He smiled at his own stealth, then swaggered right into a chair, banging it against the wall.
You oaf. He cut short his swagger and began to move with exaggerated sneakiness. #Quote by Shannon Hale

#98. MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?
ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.
MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?
ME: MATH. #Quote by KanyaACoffman

#99. Ish #153 Artificial plants grow best in artificial light. #Quote by Regina Griffin

#100. Some days you were the bitch and some days you were shit that came out of the bitch's toy poodle. Today was one of those days I was the latter. #Quote by Stacey Marie Brown

#101. You've got to stop and ask yourself once in a while ... why some asinine politicians would quicker cut out social security than the space program ... Go figure. #Quote by Timothy Pina

#102. Anytime you can escape to an adventure do it, what have you got to lose? Just keep turning the page. #Quote by Mira Monroe

#103. Ish #19 If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking? #Quote by Regina Griffin

#104. If things do not change,in the future we may all speak spell check. #Quote by Tom Althouse

#105. Yes, Toshi. Spill the peas. #Quote by C.J. Rutherford

#106. Whenever I come here, I pretend I'm living in the future and the atmosphere is irradiated and wild bands of biodiesel bikers rule the dusty surface. #Quote by Robin Sloane

#107. They told me I've got writer's cramp. So is that better than the block? #Quote by Joyce Rachelle

#108. Who is your favorite character in the series? Or ... if that's too hard, why do you like each one and who drives you crazy?
Puck: Well, she likes me best, of course. I'm the handsome, charming one.
Ash: Yes, that's why she gave you your own book. Oh, wait.
Puck: No one asked you, ice-boy. #Quote by Julie Kagawa

#109. [ ... ] The alpha-wolf has hurt himself [ ... ]."
"What happened to the alpha-wolf?"
"LEGOs."
"Legos?" It sounded Greek but I couldn't recall anything mythological with that name. Wasnt it an island?
"He was carrying a load of laundry into the basement and tripped on the old set of LEGOs his kids left on the stairs. Broke two ribs and an ankle. He'll be out of comission for two weeks." Curran shook his head. #Quote by Ilona Andrews

#110. Do yourself a favor,' I said. "Forget it. Forget you ever saw me."
"Forget that you tried to kill me too?"
"Yeah. That, too."
"But who are you?"
"Percy-" I started to say. Then the skeletons turned around. "Gotta go!"
"What kind of name is Percy Gotta-go?"
I bolted for the exit. #Quote by Rick Riordan

#111. People in hell want snowcones. #Quote by Nora Roberts

#112. When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line. #Quote by Nenia Campbell

#113. The answer to every problem involved penguins #Quote by Rick Riordan

#114. Maybe it's fate Hound ate the map. Maybe we'll discover something wonderful while we're lost. #Quote by Jeanne Birdsall

#115. Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly. #Quote by Leah Broadby

#116. It's not a truck, Marcus. It's an SUV," Katie explained. "As in Seriously Ugly Vehicle, #Quote by Felicia Donovan

#117. Hasn't stopped us before. And besides, if they wanted to kill us, we'd be dead by now and would be having an entirely different conversation. I wonder if I'd still be mad at you, or if we would talk in words or pictures. Maybe in smells. That would be cool. -Janco #Quote by Maria V. Snyder

#118. If God created man in his image... Does God have a functioning penis? And does God manually handle every penis he creates? Or does he outsource the job to penis-manufacturing elves? #Quote by Oliver Markus Malloy

#119. Caddy came home on Friday evening. Perfectly Harmless Patrick brought her in his battered old car...

"Crikey, Caddy!" said Indigo, and he disappeared upstairs to tell Rose.

Eve murmured, "Sweet," rather doubtfully.

Sarah said, not doubtfully at all, "Horrendous! The worst yet. Rock bottom."

"He had a very difficult childhood," said Caddy....

"Who didn't?" asked Saffron unsympathetically. "Gosh, he's ancient, Caddy! Look, he's going bald! All that long trailing stuff is just a disguise!"

"If I was going bald," said Sarah, "I would face the fact and have it all shaved off."

"Well, I thought Mummy would like him," said Caddy defensively. "...Anyway, I can always take him back."

"I think you're going to have to, Caddy darling," said Eve... "Hello, Rose darling! Come in and see what Caddy has brought home to show us!"

She escaped, and Rose, who had already heard the news from Indigo, glanced at Patrick and began laughing.

"See?" said Sarah. "Rose knows! Absolutely rock bottom! You cannot be serious, Caddy!"

"Oh, stop looking at him!" said Caddy, uncomfortably. "I'll find something to cover him up with in a minute!"

"How long are you leaving him there for?" asked Rose.

"Just until Sunday," said Caddy, trying to sound casual.

"Till Sunday!" repeated Saffron. "So is Micheal dumped?"

"Of course he isn't!" said Caddy indign #Quote by Hilary McKay

#120. It looks like Animal and Miss piggy had sex," I said. "And this was the spawn."
"My eyes!" Boomer cried. "My eyes! I can't stop seeing it now that you've said it! #Quote by David Levithan

#121. He could not consent to allow himself to be insulted, still less to allow himself to be treated as a rag, and, above all, to allow a thoroughly vicious man to treat him so. No quarrelling, however, no quarrelling! Possibly if some one wanted, if some one, for instance, actually insisted on turning Mr. Golyadkin into a rag, he might have done so, might have done so without opposition or punishment (Mr. Golyadkin was himself conscious of this at times), and he would have been a rag and not Golyadkin - yes, a nasty, filthy rag; but that rag would not have been a simple rag, it would have been a rag possessed of dignity, it would have been a rag possessed of feelings and sentiments, even though dignity was defenceless and feelings could not assert themselves, and lay hidden deep down in the filthy folds of the rag, still the feelings there ... #Quote by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

#122. Ava, will you watch your fucking mouth?' he sighs, but there's relief in his voice. I'm half tempted to tell him to fetch the anti-bacterial solution and spray it in my mouth. #Quote by Jodi Ellen Malpas

#123. Darling Daddy,
This is Rose.
So flames went all up the kitchen wall. Saffron called the fire brigade and the police came too to see if it was a trick and the police woman said to Saffron Here You Are Again because of when I got lost having my glasses checked. But I was with Tom whose grandmother is a witch on top of the highest place in town.
Love, Rose. #Quote by Hilary McKay

#124. Clouds are high flying Fog #Quote by Gaurav Rao

#125. His green eyes blazed with desire; such a different look than I'd known before. Chase had studied me, reading my feelings. Tucker was only trying to see his own reflection. Disturbing on several levels. #Quote by Kristen Simmons

#126. Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.

-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727)
New Orleans, LA #Quote by Diana Hollingsworth Gessler

#127. Knocking the shrieking goblins aside like skittles #Quote by J.K. Rowling

#128. He'd have to turn on his high-voltage charm with these people. Should work. They were only used to 12V battery power after all-he'd dazzle them. #Quote by Josephine Myles

#129. She probably thinks the spiritual path is a new style of pavers available at Bunnings. #Quote by Pj Mayhem

#130. If You're Gonna Ride My Ass, At Least Pull My Hair! #Quote by S.C. Stephens

#131. Afternoon experience: autographing exposed legs, outstretched in lines like matchsticks.
Afternoon epiphany: Those with smooth, hairless legs would soon lose all evidence of my contact when the sweat causes the ink from the marker to run. I am ephemeral. Skepticism would be the reaction to those with thick leg hair, as their curls frazzle the lines of my name outward illegibly. Among the scaly-legged, I flaked off immediately, like I never was at all. #Quote by Benson Bruno

#132. « Quote of the day: "Friendship is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it but only you can feel it». #Quote by Penny Reid

#133. If he didn't want to be mauled by a sex-starved woman who hadn't gotten any skin in months, he'd better keep his hands to himself. #Quote by Jody Wallace

#134. In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope. #Quote by Nenia Campbell

#135. I wish kids at school would quit calling me a porno dork-face, though. There wasn't any sex involved! I got knocked out, I panicked and called the cops. Okay, somewhere along the line everybody's clothes fell off, but that's not exactly a federal crime. Is it? I hope you don't work for the FBI. (You don't, do you?)
- Email Excerpt (Page: 21)
From: Douglas Bracken
To: Dr. Rita I. Milton
Sent: Friday, November 08 - 5:05 PM
Subject: Pressing Concerns #Quote by Kathleen Jeffrie Johnson

#136. How funny are dogs? #Quote by John Marsden

#137. Remember, I'm the only person her who's paid to be nice to you. But not too nice. Give me any lip and I'll break your face. OK? #Quote by Orson Scott Card

#138. Cause hearts are amazing things. They get lots bigger to make room for new people to love alongside the old people you love. -Simi #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#139. I've purged myself of worldly goods; half my stuff is either being sold or going to charity. I need to go shopping. #Quote by Christy Leigh Stewart

#140. To really know a person criticize his god. And he'll show you who he is not. #Quote by Fakeer Ishavardas

#141. I grabbed a shovel and dug, and dug, and dug.




Sorry not a very poetic thought, but very deep. #Quote by Lenora Fraga

#142. Do ever respond to a question without asking another question?
Does it bother you?
No. But it does confirm my hypothesis.
What hypothesis?
He let out a heavy sigh, and with it, all the residual warmth from our flirty banther evaporated. " You're a shrink," he said. He might as well have accused me of being a traitor or a murder or a Kardeshian. #Quote by Penny Reid

#143. Well blow me down with a solar flare. #Quote by Nenia Campbell

#144. Dogs are angels full of poop. #Quote by Oliver Gaspirtz

#145. he hadn't killed or shagged even one single person in front of me - which I felt was a rather good indication of his superior character. #Quote by Hettie Ivers

#146. Tip#27

Kiss a girl if you're a female,

If you're a single male kiss a Guy

(Idea)
It's fun to offend society ~ #Quote by Hazel Cartwright

#147. I'm so good" I taunt him as i ease back bouncing on my calves like he does, and playfully sticking out my tongue. He totally misses that for hes watching my breast bounce. "real good" he says getting back into position. His eyes have darkened in a way that makes my insides roil with heat, and i decide this moment hes distracted with my girls is better then any. #Quote by Katy Evans

#148. I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying. #Quote by Thabang Gideon Magaola

#149. She never called her son by any name but John; 'love' and 'dear', and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny. #Quote by Elizabeth Gaskell

#150. I rolled my eyes. "Do all narcotics officers lack basic human
compassion, or were you just not hugged enough as a child?"
Trust Me #Quote by L.A. Witt

#151. Speaking of body decorations, I luuhhhvv your belly piercing!" Heeb said, looking at the gold ring in the center of her slim, tan waist. Despite the artic cold, Angelina had opted for a skin tight, black tube top that ended just above her belly, on the assumption that a warm cab, a winter coat, and a short wait to get into the club was an adequate frosty weather strategy. Heeb was still reverently staring at her belly when Angelina finally caught her breath from laughing.

"Do you really like it? You're just saying that so that you can check out my belly!"

"And what's so bad about that? I mean, didn't you get that belly piercing so that people would check out your belly?"

"No. I just thought it would look cool…Do you have any piercings?"

"Actually, I do," Heeb replied.

"Where?"

"My appendix."

"Huh?"

"I wanted to be the first guy with a pierced organ. And the appendix is a totally useless organ anyway, so I figured why the hell not?"

"That's pretty original," she replied, amused.

"Oh yeah. I've outdone every piercing fanatic out there. The only problem is when I have to go through metal detectors at the airport."

Angelina burst into laughs again, and then managed to say, "Don't you have to take it out occasionally for a cleaning?"

"Nah. I figure I'll just get it removed when my appendix bursts. It'll be a two for one operation, if you know what I m #Quote by Zack Love

#152. Remember. Make him cry uncle.
Cry uncle, my posterior. I'm going to make him cry like a girl who broke her mom's designer heels at the prom. #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#153. She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch. #Quote by Nenia Campbell

#154. I shook my head. "I thought you had a 'No princesses' rule."

"Rules are made to be broken," said Grimm.

Ari sat back in the chair, her eyes closed.

"Of course, young lady, there's the matter of how we sign our contracts."

"Not gonna happen." Ari threw a pen at the mirror for emphasis. #Quote by J.C. Nelson

#155. If you're heading downtown from Centeral Park, my advice is to take the subway. Flying pigs are faster but way more dangerous #Quote by Rick Riordan

#156. So this crow comes and it starts quacking at us. #Quote by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

#157. When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service ... .that's no chocolate on the pillow #Quote by Josh Stern

#158. Possibility of enjoying life makes death feel terrible. #Quote by Santosh Kalwar

#159. Leave me alone, or I will shoot," a woman's husky voice rang out through the broken window. "I'm not too afraid to blow your ass right back to whatever hell you come from. #Quote by Rose Wynters

#160. IN MY DEFENSE, I didn't mean to start the Apocalypse. It wasn't just my personal aversion to oblivion; I had a clear financial motive: The end of the world is bad for business. #Quote by J.C. Nelson

#161. I think I'm supposed to "take a sad song and make it better," but that's beyond my musical ability #Quote by Sophia Bennett

#162. ROSA MET ME at the door with a shotgun. Strictly speaking, not aimed at me, but you don't really have to aim a sawed-off shotgun. She swung it toward me. "You, get in there." She turned her attention to the crowd. "The rest of you will take a number and have a seat." Her paperwork skills might have been lousy, but her personal touch was something I aspired to. #Quote by J.C. Nelson

#163. Let's roll out, Batman."
"I'm Batman and you're Robin?"
"Don't make me laugh. I'm Spider-Man."
"Then we live in different universes. I'm DC and you're Marvel."
Duncan rolled his eyes. "Can't we all get along? And since when are there different universes? #Quote by Mimi Strong

#164. Animals raise their children, too. I don't know why they keep them around. Kill 'em and be done with it. #Quote by Liz Braswell

#165. I bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like: "Damn, that name is way cooler. #Quote by Oliver Markus Malloy

#166. Oh no! Akri-Nicky! You okay? The Simi didn't know it was her favorite blue-eyed demon boy when she hit him so hard so as to protect his precious akra-mama. Oh no! You still living and breathing and not broken? 'Cause if you not, can the Simi eat your dead, meaty remains? Please, please, please? Maybe some of them bones, too, 'cause the marrow can be quite tasty in its own right. Simi. #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#167. I wasn't exactly sure what "nothing good" meant, but I could imagine in this world of humans, "nothing good" could mean a lot of bad things. #Quote by Tamra Torero

#168. Dead people are just great. Meet me when you are. #Quote by Fakeer Ishavardas

#169. Um ... Falcyn?"Medea
"What's my brother doing?" Blaise
"Holding me in an awkwardly tight manner. It's very strange" Medea
"But is he sitting on you?" Blaise
" ... Why? should I be worried?" Medea
"Well, it means he's not trying to hatch you. Yet. That's always a bonus." Blaise #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#170. I thought you'd be gone by now." Velkan
"Hardly, I have to much to do." Esperetta
"Such as?" Velkan
"Apologize to you." Esperetta
"Why would you do that?" Velkan
"Because I'm stupid and pigheaded. Judgmental. Unforgiving. Mistrustful
you can stop me at anytime, you know?" Esperetta
"Why should i? You're on quite a roll. Besides, you missed the worst flaw." Velkan
"And that is?" Esperetta
"Hotheaded." Velkan
"I learned that one from you." Esperetta
"How so?" Velkan
"Remember that time you threw your boots into the fire because you had trouble getting them off?"
"I never did that." Velkan
"Yes, you did. You also gave your favorite saddle to the stable master because it scratched your leg as you dismounted and told him he could have it but, personally, you'd burn it, too." Esperetta #Quote by Sherrilyn Kenyon

#171. Leo took out a pen and autographed the arm of one of the nymphs. Narcissus is a loser! He's so weak, he can't bench-press a Kleenex. He's so lame, when you look up lame on Wikipedia, it's got a picture of Narcissus - only the picture's so ugly, no one ever checks it out. #Quote by Rick Riordan

#172. The travel and tourism industry is the lifeblood of many states around the country - including Florida, California, New York and Nevada, to name a few. #Quote by Mark Foley

#173. Not only are we smart and funny ~ We're damn cute!"
~ Thomason Women's Motto ~ #Quote by JerriFaye Thomason

#174. The woman is increasingly aware that love alone can give her full stature, just as the man begins to discern that spirit alone can endow his life with its highest meaning. Fundamentally, therefore, both seek a psychic relation to the other, because love needs the spirit, and the spirit love, for their fulfillment. #Quote by Carl Jung

#175. I specifically remember doing the musical 'Sweet Charity' at Stagedoor. I was playing Vittorio Vidal, which is a very funny part, and some other small roles. I couldn't really sing that well, but there were so many fun bits, and I just remember the tremendous adrenaline rush I felt from being onstage and hearing the audience enjoying it. #Quote by Sebastian Stan

#176. Think back through your experiences and make a bullet point list of funny stories that have happened to you or your friends. Travel, school, college, parties, work, interaction with parents/in-laws, embarrassing situations, etc. Looking at old photos will help to jog memories. #Quote by David Nihill

#177. As young as I look, I think it will still be funny if I played a person who's kind of tortured and hates his life. Kind of like a Larry David-type thing. #Quote by Andy Milonakis

#178. It's funny when people ask an actor what they want to play next, because you don't get to decide what you play. I don't know. I can only say this: I don't want to and have no interest in playing a plastic surgeon. That's for sure. I'm open to anything else. #Quote by Dylan Walsh

#179. It was safe to assume he'd not only read the play but then re-read it, cross-referenced the annotations, and probably joined an online chat group called Buds of the Bard or something equally nerdy #Quote by Simon Holt

#180. I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing. #Quote by Sarah Silverman

#181. I used to like Barbra Streisand films. It was 'Funny Girl' that really turned me on, in a sense, to acting. I remember it specifically being a rainy Saturday afternoon. I couldn't play football, so I stayed in, and I watched 'Funny Girl.' #Quote by Sean Harris

#182. Where's my cell phone?" I ask. "And please put a shirt on."
He reaches down and grabs my phone off the floor. "Why?"
"The reason I need my cell," I say as I take it from him, "is to call a cab and the reason I want you to put a shirt on is, well, because, urn ... "
"You've never seen a guy with his shirt off?"
"Ha, ha. Very funny. Believe me, you don't have anything I haven't seen before."
"Wanna bet?" he says, then moves his hands to the button on his jeans and pops it open.
Isabel walks in at that exact moment. "Whoa, Alex. Please keep your pants on. #Quote by Simone Elkeles

#183. It might be said now that I have the best of both worlds. A Harvard education and a Yale degree. #Quote by John F. Kennedy

#184. And there's a visceral fun in watching Team America and making it, like taking a puppet and throwing it against the wall. Because it's not CG, there's something funny about it. #Quote by Matt Stone

#185. This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard. The mailman will get shot, the envelope will not seal, the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. The final payment must be made in wampum. #Quote by Mitch Hedberg

#186. The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. "Ryan," he said, "stop leaning on my car. #Quote by Derek Landy

#187. He immediately went down with a thud and I was pretty certain most of the furniture in the room jumped when he landed. #Quote by Kristen Ashley

#188. Like many men his age, he occupied a kind of limbo, not young enough to be the new face in the bars that everyone wanted and not old enough to be – and didn't want to be – the funny old queen whose jokes everyone laughed at. Instead, he was just middle aged and alone. #Quote by Michael Thomas Ford

#189. I was shown into a room. A red room. Red wallpaper, red curtains, red carpet. They said it was a sitting-room, but I don't know why they'd decided to confine its purpose just to sitting. Obviously, sitting was one of the things you could do in a room this size; but you could also stage operas, hold cycling races, and have an absolutely cracking game of frisbee, all at the same time, without having to move any of the furniture.
It could rain in a room this big. #Quote by Hugh Laurie

#190. Is there somebody out there? Amy, is that you?" her mother called.
"No. Tell me this isn't happening." Quinn rested his forehead against hers. "Has she got a wiretap on you or something? I swear, she's like a walking hard-on detector."
Amy bit her lip, trying not to laugh. Quinn levered himself up on his arms.
"Mrs. P., if you value your life, you'll go back inside and turn off the light right now. #Quote by Sarah Mayberry

#191. I didn't do anything," Scott protested. "Breaking and entering is nothing?" Detective Basso echoed. "Funny, the law disagrees. #Quote by Becca Fitzpatrick

#192. You know, If you weren't tiny, cute and remarkably innocent looking I'd be running away right now. This feels like the set-up to some torture porn. #Quote by Stephanie Perkins

#193. Even if it doesn't work, there is something healthy and invigorating about direct action #Quote by Henry Miller

#194. The only thing you got in this world is what you can sell. And the funny thing is that you're a salesman, and you don't know that. #Quote by Arthur Miller

#195. We thought being offered the M.B.E. [Member of the Order of the British Empire] was as funny as everybody else thought it was. Why? What for? We didn't believe it. It was a part we didn't want. We all met and agreed it was daft. #Quote by John Lennon

#196. All I have to do is shoot! In my excitement, I throw the ball down with more force than ever, feeling bad-ass. It ricochets off the floor at an angle and slams right into my crotch.
All around me, the room goes, "Ohhhh!"
I look up. Every face is staring at me, contorted into winces. Right. Ball in crotch equals excruciating pain. I'm such an idiot! Too late, I double over in pain.
"Ouch!" I yell. I sneak a glance around. Nobody looks convinced, so I add, "My balls! #Quote by Jody Gehrman

#197. No matter how limited their powers of reason might have been. still they must have understood that living like that was just murder, a capital crime - except it was slow, day-by-day murder. The government (or humanity) could not permit capital punishment for one man, but they permitted the murder of millions a little at a time. To kill one man - that is, to subtract 50 years from the sum of all human lives - that was a crime; but to subtract from the sum of all human lives 50,000,000 years - that was not a crime! No, really, isn't it funny? This problem in moral math could be solved in half a minute by any ten-year-old Number today, but they couldn't solve it. All their Kant's together couldn't solve it (because it never occurred to one of their Kant's to construct a system of scientific ethics - that is, one based on subtraction, addition, division, and multiplication). #Quote by Yevgeny Zamyatin

#198. I have been thinking over what she said about knowing as distinct from remembering. Perhaps all it amounts to is that as we talked and I trotted out these little bits of information I gave the impression, common in elderly people, not only of having a long full life behind me that I could dip into more or less at random for the benefit of a younger listener, but also of being undisturbed by any doubts about the meaning and value of that life and the opinions I'd formed while leading it; although that suggests knowingness, and when she said, 'What a lot you know' she made it sound like a state of grace, one that she envied me in the mistaken belief that I was in it, while she was not and didn't understand how, things being as she finds them, one ever achieved it. #Quote by Paul Scott

#199. Only the shallowest person believes that they can attain true happiness by maximizing their wealth at any cost. In absence of morality, ethics, and a sustainable philosophy to guide us in an ethical search for happiness, we will always perceive life's random countervailing forces of adversity and unpleasantness as inflicting a great personal injustice upon us. Through application of a deeply embedded personal philosophy, we can push back against the negative implications of a life of suffering. We can use a philosophical stance to gain the perspective needed to say 'yes' to all of life, both its rosy path of ineffable joys and a blackened trail of tears. We must learn to accept life as it truly is and not waste precious time in wistfulness. #Quote by Kilroy J. Oldster

#200. Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things."
"But different things can often blend together," said the pine tree. "Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals. #Quote by Lemony Snicket

#201. You have a couple of buddies sleep over, and, you know, you play cops and robbers. That I'm getting paid to do it now is kind of funny. #Quote by Chris O'Donnell

#202. I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release. #Quote by Joaquin Phoenix

#203. If you look at the game and everything, it's not quite like looking at an animated film, because that's total character. This, this is really movement, but it's got funny little things if you look for the humor. They're actually getting to the character. #Quote by Don Bluth

#204. Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood. #Quote by Shelly Laurenston

#205. It was funny how we thought education to be the great gilded key which would solve all problems, eliminate all poverty and disease, eradicate differences between social classes, and bring the children of okra-planters up to par with the children of emperors. #Quote by Pat Conroy

#206. I think adults must get sort of worn away over time, like rocks out at sea, but remain who they are, just slower and grayer with those funny vertical wrinkles in front of their ears. But the young are a different shape from one week to the next. To know us is to run alongside us, like someone trying to shout through the window of a moving train. #Quote by Eve Chase

#207. One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute. #Quote by William Feather

#208. Jennifer Fulwiler's story of finding God when you aren't looking for Him is a universal tale which will touch many hearts. With warmth and unflinching candor she leads us through a personal journey of faith and maturity that is as funny as it is affecting. #Quote by Raymond Arroyo

#209. Rather than sleep, Tibbets crawled through the thirty-foot tunnel to chat
with the waist crew, wondering if they knew what they were carrying. "A
chemist's nightmare," the tail gunner, Robert Caron, guessed, then "a
physicist's nightmare." "Not exactly," Tibbets hedged. Tibbets was leaving
by the time Caron put two and two together:
'Tibbets stayed a little longer, and then started to crawl forward up the tunnel. I remembered something else, and just as the last of the Old Man was disappearing, I sort of tugged at his foot, which was still showing. He came sliding back in a hurry, thinking maybe
something was wrong. "What's the matter?"
I looked at him and said, "Colonel, are we splitting atoms today?"
This time he gave me a really funny look, and said, "That's about it. #Quote by Richard Rhodes

#210. How to Be a Man Step One: Eat a steak, preferably raw. If you can find a juicy steer and just maw a healthy bite off of its rump, that's the method that will deliver the most immediate nutrition, protein, and flavor. Make sure you chew at least three times. Step Two: Wash it down with your whisky of choice, preferably a single-malt scotch. #Quote by Nick Offerman

#211. What the hell is wrong with you, man? I thought we were cool."
"We were," Warner says icily. "Until you touched my hair."
"You asked me to give you a haircut - "
"I said nothing of the sort! I asked you to trim the edges!"
"And that's what I did."
"This," Warner says, spinning around so I might inspect the damage, "is not trimming the edges, you incompetent moron - "
I gasp. The back of Warner's head is a jagged mess of uneven hair; entire chunks have been buzzed off. #Quote by Tahereh Mafi

#212. And here we go creating great men out of artisans who happened to have stumbled on a way to improve electrical apparatus or pedal through Sweden on a bicycle! And we solicit great men to write books promoting the cult of other great men! It's really very funny, and worth the price of admission! It will all end up with every village having his own great man - a lawyer, a novelist, and a polar explorer of immense stature! And the world will become wonderfully flat and simple and easy to master ... #Quote by Knut Hamsun

#213. Jeez, you're strong. And you, Sam, are a conversational reject. #Quote by Anne Tenino

#214. No," he agreed. "You're not. She never caused me this agony."
What could I say to that? The way he was looking at me was making my head feel funny. Was making me feel funny and not just in that oh God I just almost died way.
Christophe leaned in. His mouth was a mere centimetres from me. "She never made me think I would die of heart failure. She never, never made me fear for her this way. #Quote by Lili St. Crow

#215. My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!" #Quote by Henny Youngman

#216. The arresting officer-who I had literally known all my life, you know what I mean? This guy lived four doors down from me in a town of less than 400 people. We've met. Anyway, at the station, he asks me if I have any aliases. And I was just being a smartass and said, "Yeah, they call me ... Tater Salad." Seventeen years later, I'm handcuffed to a bench with blood coming out my nose, this cop comes up to me and says, "Are you Ron ... 'Tater Salad' White?" #Quote by Ron White

#217. Well, you are a wolf, I don't think it's a good idea to start the habit of you sleeping in the bed, you know, with all the shedding and what-not. #Quote by Quinn Loftis