Eoin Quotes

#1. Miss me? Bet you did ... so would I. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#2. Careful with that," said the Doctor. "No need to get carried away."

Aldridge spun the scalpel like a baton. "Yessir. Careful is my middle name. Actually Clumsy is my middle name, but that doesn't encourage clients and it makes me sound like one of those dwarfs that are going to be so popular when moving pictures a get going. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#3. Artemis simple-toon #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#4. Satan was crouched in the corner of his office, playing a gameboy, 'Die alien scum' he was saying feverishly.. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#5. The ripple effects of young Opal's murder in the corner of a field were more widespread than even Artemis could have imagined, though in truth imagine is the wrong verb, as Artemis Fowl was not in the habit of imagining anything. Even as a small boy, he had never nurtured daydreams of himself on horseback fighting dragons. What Artemis preferred to do was visualize an achievable objective and then work toward that goal. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#6. But calling up magic when there were arrows flying and chunks of the countryside disappearing was about as easy as going to the toilet on command with a dozen people watching. Who all hated you. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#7. He was the point dog, sent in to check for hostiles. His orders were simple. Bite everything. If it screamed, it was hostile. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#8. Chaos reigned, and the survivalists eagerly unwrapped the kidskin from their crossbows.
Phase one of Opal's plan was complete. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#9. Very well. I understand. Just ... shut up! #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#10. Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#11. I must capture the flag,' he breathed. 'That's what a pirate captain is supposed to do. Go to the roof, so I can capture the flag and gloat.'

'Capture the flag and goat?'

'Gloat.'

Isabella stood hands on hips. 'It's pronounced goooaaat, idiot. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#12. The little boys did as they were told, eager to please their deranged brother.
"Ici, garcon," they chorused, pudgy fingers raised. And then from the corner of his mouth, Myles whispered to his twin, "Artemis simple-toon. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#13. ... desperate times required judicious risk-taking. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#14. I do remember, Holly. I remember it all. Especially you. It's a real comfort to have you here. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#15. In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter - they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#16. A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#17. This might hurt a little is universal code for this will definitely hurt a lot #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#18. (to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face! #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#19. And one more thing. About my name - Artemis - you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#20. Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss? #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#21. I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile."
" ... Where's all the loot?"
"That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart."
Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four.
"You were here to rob me!"
"No, I wasn't. How dare you?! #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#22. Either that boy is the sanest creature on Earth, he thought, or he is so disturbed that our tests cannot even begin to scratch the surface. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#23. Duncan grasped Eoin's shoulder and pulled them apart. "You'll not be touching my sister again until you are properly wed." He reached for Helen's left arm. "And you will go home with me."
Eoin grasped his lady's right hand. "Oh, no, I'm finished with waiting. #Quote by Amy Jarecki

#24. If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#25. Anybody see you come in here?"
Holly thought about it.
"The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, M16. Oh, and the EIB."
Foaly frowned. "EIB?"
"Everyone in the building. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#26. I am older and have more control over my empathy,' said Qwan. 'That's why I didn't throw up.' And having said that, he threw up. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#27. No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order à la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors? #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#28. Artemis turned and stared at his friend with the blue eyes. Holly was staring back, and she was smiling.
"I remember," she said aloud. "You saved me."
Artemis smiled back. "It never happened," he said. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#29. Now, Benny was no eejit. He wasn't expecting the Tunisian nationals to be Irish. What he did expect was darkish people with Irishy personalities.
That was not what he got.
The Tunisians weren't interested in conforming to Benny's preconceptions. They stubbornly insisted on being themselves. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#30. Any of these vultures smell weakness, and they'll mess you up faster than sugar in a gas tank. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#31. Conor, I could search the world for another swashbuckling scientist, but I doubt if I would find one like you. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#32. Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#33. Boo-hoo. Help me, I'm a girl. What kind of modern woman are you? A smart one. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#34. Mr. Charismo? Surely not Tibor Charismo, the most famous man in all of England. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#35. The thing about a diversion is that it has to be diverting. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#36. The only way to get over the last fall is to jump back on the horse and keep riding. #Quote by Eoin Dempsey

#37. We get an apartment together, and after a whirlwind courtship you marry my sister and honeymoon in Vegas. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#38. You don't understand!' Foaly objected.
Trouble cut him off with a chop of his hand through the air. 'I never understand. That's why we pay you and your dork posse.
Foaly objected again. 'They are not dorks!'
Trouble found space for yet another holster. 'Really? That guy brings a Beanie Baby to work every day. And your nephew, Mayne, speaks fluent Unicorn.'
'They're not all dorks,' said Foaly, correcting himself. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#39. You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're chasing the probe: I share Artemis's passion but not his boorishness. No pressure; just think about it.
This was enough to elicit a deafening moment of silence even in the middle of a crisis, which Orion seemed to be blissfully unaffected by. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#40. You still awake?' asked the anesthetist.
'Nope,' I replied. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#41. You never know with a new show. It takes awhile for shows to find their feet and for people to connect with it. We just got lucky that people liked us, straight away. #Quote by Eoin Macken

#42. There is no such thing as a happy ending. Every culture has a maxim that makes this point, while nowhere in the Universe is there a single gravestone that reads 'He Loved Everything About His Life, Especially the Dying Bit at the End'. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#43. Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, OCD. I've got them all, but most of all, I'm crazy about you. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#44. The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly fascinating about flying into an uncharted tunnel at a reckless speed with only a kleptomaniac dwarf's word for what lay at the other end. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#45. I am perhaps unusual in that I came to 'Doctor Who' through the numerous novelisations and not through the television show. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#46. When Holly Short had opened the door of her makeshift basement cell, she had found her helmet bouncing on the spot in front of her with a 3-D image of Foaly's face projected onto it. That is really creepy, #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#47. ...his size drew attention
from everyone who happened to glance downwards. But Mulch quickly discovered that Mud
People could find a reason to distrust almost anyone. Height, weight, skin colour, religion. It was
almost safer to be different in some way. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#48. In comic books, people with gifts became superheroes; in real life they became outcasts. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#49. What a peach of a night this had turned out to be.

Everett fucking Moreau: master planner.

Like that little French guy who used to get with tall ladies to prove a point. Napoleon.

But not like him at all, except for they both ended up fucked on an island, if he didn't misremember his history. Or maybe it was Huck Finn who got fucked on an island.

Either way, he was the idiot getting fucked on a water-locked landmass this fine evening. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#50. That's the last order I'll ever give you Captain. Don't you dare ignore it. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#51. Apologies tended to give him migraines, which was why he avoided them. (Eoin) #Quote by Annie Nicholas

#52. No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#53. You need to stop thinking with your head, Mud Boy, and start thinking with your heart.
Artemis sighed. The heart was an organ for pumping oxygen-rich blood to the cells. It could no more think than an apple could tap-dance. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#54. [Artemis] returned to the aft bay for Mulch's version of a briefing.
The dwarf had drawn a crude diagram on a backlit wall panel. In fairness, there were more artistic chimpanzees. And less pungent ones. Mulch was using a carrot as a pointer, or more accurately, several carrots. Dwarfs liked carrots.
'This is Koboi Labs,' He mumbled around a mouthful of vegetable.
'That?' exclaimed Root.
'I realize, Julius, that it is not an accurate schematic.'
The Commander exploded from his chair. 'An accurate schematic? It's a rectangle for heaven's sake!'
Mulch was unperturbed. 'That's not important. This is the important bit.'
'That wobbly line?'
'It's a fissure,' pouted the dwarf. 'Anybody can see that.'
'Anybody in kindergarten maybe. So it's a fissure, so what?'
'This is the clever bit. Y'see that fissure is not usually there.'
Root began strangling the air again. Something he was doing more and more lately. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#55. Sounded like girls. Mixed feelings on that score. He didn't despise them with the same passion he used to. In fact, Benny suspected that there would come a time in the not-too-distant future when he might develop a mysterious interest in them. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#56. But then what were physical feelings if not more electrical messages from the brain? Why believe in them either? Was there anything trustworthy in the Universe that one could hug and hold on to in the midst of a butterfly storm, other than a Hawaliusian wind staunch? #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#57. But even though there were plenty of teeth in the grin, there was no heart. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#58. Did you bring any food? I haven't eaten for, wow, it must be minutes. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#59. Waitress: "And to drink?"
Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#60. What many people don't know about 'Peter Pan' is that it's a very violent book and Hook is one of the most finely observed villains ever. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#61. Inside the mirrored elevator, Mulch used a telescopic pointer to push P for the penthouse. For the first few months he had jumped to reach the button, but that was undignified behavior for a millionaire. And besides, he was certain that Art could hear the thumping from the security desk. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#62. I have lived long enough to realize that there is no such thing as perfect love. That's too long. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#63. He was as lost in this day as a chick wet from the egg. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#64. Will you miss him Holly?" he asked suddenly.
[ ... ] "No," she said. "I will not miss him."
But her eyes told the real story. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#65. Artemis hooked the speaker over one ear, adjusting the mike stem so it wound across his
mouth.
'Foaly? Are you listening?'
'Are you kidding?' came the reply. 'This is better than human soap operas. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#66. Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression.
Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case?
Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor.
Doctor Po: Yes?
Artemis: My mother, she ...
Doctor Po: Your mother, yes?
Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#67. I know what you're thinking," said Root. "Why am I picking on you every day? Why don't I ever bawl out those other layabouts?"
Holly said nothing, but agreement was written all over the face.
"I'll tell you why, shall I?
Holly risked a nod.
"It's because you're a girl."
Holly felt her fingers curl into fists. She knew it! #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#68. I'm LEP. A captain. No rent-a-cop gnome is going to stand in the way of my orders. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#69. The only other scenario that could explain everything, up to and including your own bizarre apperance, is a convoluted conspiracy theory involving the Russian Mafia and a crack team of plastic surgeons. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#70. I can grow cameras!" she had shrieked at the Brill brothers during one briefing. "Who's to say that despicable centaur Foaly hasn't succeded in splicing surveillance equiptment to plants? So get rid of all the flowers. Rocks, too. I don't trust them. Sullen little blebers. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#71. Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#72. Argh? Pathetic and inarticulate. Nice combination. Your mothers must be so proud. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#73. This is the only way. I will not allow humans or fairies to die when I might have prevented it." Butler would not give up. "Listen to yourself. You sound like a ... like a good guy! There's nothing in this for you. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#74. You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#75. If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm mad. That's the way history is written #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#76. Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#77. That was all he said, except for "Aaaeerrgghhh." Which is not really a word. But the reason that he screamed "Aaaeerrgghhh" was that Franco had bitten him savegly on the wrist. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#78. Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#79. No one's ever really ready for a troll. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#80. How does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant.
Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall.
Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#81. (text message) CMDR ROOT. TRBLE BELOW. HAVN OVRRN BY GOBLINS. PLCE PLAZA SRROUNDED. CUDGEON + OPL KBOI BHND PLOT. NO WPONS OR CMMUNICATIONS. DNA CNONS CNTRLLED BY KBOI. I M TRPPED IN OP BTH. CNCL THNKS IM 2 BLM. IF ALIVE PLSE HLP. IF NOT, WRNG NMBR. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#82. Ah, yes, the trusty time paradox. If I go back in time and kill my grandfather, then shall I cease to exist? I believe, as Gorben and Berndt did, that any repercussions are already being felt. We can only change the future, not the past or present. If I go back, then I have already been back.
- Artemis Fowl #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#83. Sig Sauer. Nine millimetres. Thirteen in the magazine. Big bullets. One of these hits you and it could blow your head off; something even the magic can't fix. Other than that you should be all right, presuming you remembered to wear the regulation above-ground micro-fibre jumpsuit recently patented by me. Then again, being a Recon jock, you probably didn't. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#84. Remember this? You gave it to me for ensuring your trigger finger got reattached to your hand. You said it would remind me of that spark of decency inside me. I'm trying to do something decent now, Captain. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#85. Mona was half ninja, half gunslinger, popping off charge after charge into the blue creatures. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#86. This was a nightmare scenario for any bodyguard: stuck in the middle of a transparent tube, several miles underwater, with a murdering band of fugitives at one end and an enthralled but still highly skilled police officer at the other. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#87. (about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl) #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#88. A pity to survive night flights over St. Georges Channel only to crack my skull falling from a ladder. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#89. Oh, how I wish I had already regenerated to become the tall one with the dicky bow, thought the Doctor, who occasionally had visions of his future selves. He is always so fit and agile. I suppose all that incessant running down corridors that he does ... will do ... may do, in one of my possible futures ... is good for something. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#90. Trust me. I'm a genius. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#91. Play along, the wink said. I'll get you out of this.
At least Artemis hoped this was what his wink communicated and not something like 'Any chance of another kiss later? #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#92. The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#93. I often meet frustrated young writers who say they've only got so far and just can't finish a book. Even if you don't happen to use what you've worked on that day, it has taught you something and you'll be amazed when you might come back to it and use it again. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#94. Earth," he began, ignoring the impulse to open his notes folder and count the words. He knew this lecture by heart.
"Our home. She feeds us, she shelters us. Her gravity prevents us from flying off into space and freezing, before thawing out again and being crisped by the sun, none of which really matters, as we would have long since asphyxiated." Artemis paused for laughter and was surprised when it did not arrive. "That was a little joke. I read in a presentation manual that a joke often serves to break the ice. And I actually worked icebreaking into the joke, so there were layers to my humor. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#95. No self-respecting criminal mastermind would be caught dead even using the word lollipops. He really would have to put together a database of witty responses for occasions such as this. It #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#96. I bet," said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn."
Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.
Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#97. In prison we are their jailers On trial their judges Persecuted their punishers Dead their conquerors #Quote by Eoin MacNeill

#98. Holly is alive,' thought Foaly
'My princess lives,'exulted Orion. 'And we're chasing a dragon #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#99. I feel him near in the twist of me guts. It's something I've always been able to do.
The Reluctant Assassin #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#100. M...maybe,' I stutter. 'Whatever the reason, this woman has problems. We need to be compassionate, show understanding.'

'Or slice her head off. I have plastic bags.'

Sure. We could toss her in the car beside her partner, then drive to the mall where I dumped Macey and line up all three bodies together in the Lexus. Hell, why not steal Connie's corpse from the morgue to complete the set? #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#101. Good. Illegal is always faster. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#102. So, what did you get for me?"
Angeline paused for a beat. "Jeans."
"What?" croaked Artemis.
"And a T-shirt. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#103. Artemis ducked. Cudgeon didn't. Guess what? Artemis was smarter. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#104. People are afraid of you, Arty. Girls are terrified of you. You're a fifteen-year-old in a bespoke suit, and nobody died. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#105. Artemis said, "I don't like lollipops." It was a woefully inadequate response, and Artemis was instantly appalled with himself. Pathetic really. I don't like lollipops. No self respecting criminal mastermind would be caught dead using the word lollipops. He really would have to put together a database of witty responses for occasions such a this. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#106. Don't try to understand me, just be grateful that you felt the warmth of Zaphod Beeblebrox's aura on your wonderstruck face. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#107. Caballine likes me to be masterful. She calls me her stallion. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#108. Gold is power-artemis fowl I liked the artemis fowl series because its about a boy genius #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#109. She thought of the Allied airmen dropping the bombs, wondered if they knew what they were doing, who their bombs were killing. Were they war criminals, as most of the people in the air-raid shelter would testify? Or were things like accountability for war crimes decided by the victors? #Quote by Eoin Dempsey

#110. The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#111. Software architecture is the set of design decisions which, if made incorrectly, may cause your project to be cancelled. #Quote by Eoin Woods

#112. Calm, Butler told himself. Passion is the enemy of efficiency. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#113. I have always loved 'Stig of the Dump.' I think reading that book made me officially realise that I was a reader. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#114. Vern did not trust humans was the long and short of it. Not a single one. He had known many in his life, even liked a few, but in the end they all sold him out to the angry mob. Which was why he holed up in Honey Island Swamp out of harm's way.
Vern liked the swamp okay. As much as he liked anything after all these years. Goddamn, so many years just stretching out behind him like bricks in that road old King Darius put down back in who gives a shit BC. Funny how things came back out of the blue. Like that ancient Persian road. He couldn't remember last week, and now he was flashing back a couple thousand years, give or take. Vern had baked half those bricks his own self, back when he still did a little blue-collar. Nearly wore out the internal combustion engine. Shed his skin two seasons early because of that bitch of a job. That and diet. No one had a clue about nutrition in those days. Vern was mostly ketogenic now, high fat, low carbs, apart from his beloved breakfast cereals. Keto made perfect sense for a dragon, especially with his core temperature. Unfortunately, it meant that beer had to go, but he got by on vodka. Absolut was his preferred brand. A little high on alcohol but easiest on the system. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#115. Genius inspires resentment. A sad fact of life. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#116. Was there anything else? asked the centaur. Did Artemis say or do anything else?
Holly shook her head miserably. No. He got a little sentimental, which is unusual for him, but understandable. He told me to kiss you.
She stood on tiptoes and kissed Foaly's forehead.
"Just in case, I suppose."
Foaly was suddenly upset, and almost overwhelmed, but he coughed and swallowed it down for another time.
He said, Kiss Foaly. Those exact words?
No, said Holly, thinking back. He kissed me, and said, Give him that from me.
The centaur grinned, then cackled, then dragged her across the lab.
We need to get your forehead under an electron microscope, he said. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#117. Grab some caviar from the kitchen. You wouldn't believe the muck they feed us in Bartleby's for ten thousand a term. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#118. I don't like lollipops. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#119. *to thor* Zeus had replied that he had pulled fluffballs of lint out of his bellybutton that were bigger than Asgard #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#120. We lost the crickets," she said. "Even you can't make that sound tough."
... "I am Butler," he said with a straight-face. "Everything I say sounds tough. Now, get out of the lake, fairy. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#121. Being part of a secret is a great source of strength. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#122. Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."
Myles: "In Paris."
Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?"
Beckett: "Umm ... tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?"
Myles: "I agree with simple-toon."
Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'"
Beckett: "Itchy what? #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#123. Man is the biggest threat to Earth. We gut the planet of its fossil fuels then turn those same fuels against the planet through global warming... The world's glaciers are losing as much as six feet of ice cover per annum, that's half a million square miles in the Arctic Ocean alone in the past thirty years. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#124. Holly died without a friend to hold her hand. Artemis felt her go, another gift of the magic. He kept on counting, brushing away the tears on his cheeks. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#125. He knew that Dr. Argon would advise him against bottling up his emotions as it would lead to psychological scarring in the long term. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#126. Artemis was propped on his elbows. "You hit me," he said in disbelief. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#127. There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them. The other lived on an island in the South China Sea, and spent his days meditating and beating up palm trees. You had to feel sorry for the B'wa Kell. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#128. It was no time for mercy, it was time to terminate with extreme prejudice. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#129. Probably is absolutely the best I can do. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#130. It would take less than a second for you to die. But that's quite long enough to be in mortal agony, don't you think? #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#131. You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#132. Fowl and fairy, friends forever. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#133. I'm sorry, Arty,' she whispered into his ear.
'Sorry for what?'
'For everything. For the last few months, I haven't been myself. But things are going to change. Time to stop living in the past.'
Artemis felt a tear on his cheek. He wasn't sure whose tear it was. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#134. Make it fast, you shower of stinking rabbit droppings, I've got a fresh blade that I'm just itching to test! #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#135. Foaly twitched his tail contentedly. Genius. No point in being humble about it. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#136. These headsets could pick up a spider scratching in Madagascar." "And is there a spider scratching in Madagascar?" "Well ... I don't know. They can't really - #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#137. Listen to me, goblin. You're stupid, let's accept that and move on. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#138. Victor Vigny: It is like the old fairy tale. The boy saves the princess; they fall in love. He invents a flying machine - along with his dashing teacher, of course. They get married and name thier firstborn after the aforementioned dashing teacher.
Conor: I don't recall that fairy tale from the nursery.
Victor Vigny: Trust me, It's a classic. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#139. I rode a horse into a tree. I did. But I'm okay. Horses are naturally meant to avoid trees. This one didn't. #Quote by Eoin Macken

#140. Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#141. When you've come face-to-face with the dark side of the school yard, life doesn't hold many surprises. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#142. What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf? #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#143. How did that go?' he asked. 'Your first lengthy conversation with a girl your own age?'
'Fabulous,' said Artemis, voice dripping with sarcasm. 'We're planning a June wedding. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#144. Ambition had a price, and that price was friendship. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#145. King Nicholas had explained the lense box to #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#146. Deacon laughs. 'People like you and me, Dan, trouble sniffs us out. Maybe you can hide out for a while, maybe even a few years, but eventually someone needs to be saved or someone needs to be killed. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#147. Hey, bodyguard. You better get down to the gymnasium. This jumbo pixie guy is killing your sister." "Really?" said Butler, unconvinced. "Really. Juliet just does not seem to be herself. She can't put two moves together. It's pathetic, really. Everybody is betting against her." "I see," said Butler, straightening. Mulch held the door. "It's going to make things really interesting when you show up to help." Butler grinned. "I'm not coming to help. I just want to be there when she stops faking." "Ah," said Mulch, comprehension dawning on his face. "So I should switch my bet to Juliet?" "You certainly should" said Butler. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#148. I'm not impressed #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#149. Hilarious, dude. You should, like, have your own show. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#150. This is working out pretty well, all things considered. My giddy side wants to giggle, but I choke it down. Later for the girlishness. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#151. No, I don't think you understand just how stupid goblins are. Let me give you an example. One of the B'wa Kell generals, and this is their top fairy, was caught caught trying to pass off forged credit slips by signing his own name. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#152. So why don't we have a go? There are two of us.'
Little Mike realized that his friend was actually serious. 'Two of us? Father Hillary had God Almighty helping out, and look where it got him.'
'I know. But we're a team. For years, since primary. Batman and Robin.'
'Robin got killed,' said Mike.
Christy was shocked. 'He did not, did he? Jesus, I didn't hear about that.'
'Yeah. It was a big shock. The Joker kilt him.'
'That fuckin' Joker. I didn't see that coming.' ("Taking on PJ") #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#153. And if history had taught any lessons it was that humans couldn't get along with anyone, even themselves. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#154. I have a lovely office at the back of my house; it's an old stable and you can see right out to the countryside on one side and into the house on the other side. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#155. The universe has certain rules. Among them are:
He who owns a sharp tool will eventually cut himself.
And:
Laboratory accidents never result in super-hero-type powers.
And most applicable in this case:
He who laughs first gets caught.
The first rule could be, at a stretch, applied to Tony Stark and the Iron Man suit, considering recent events.
One notable exception to the second rule was currently swinging around New York City on a spider web, which did not bear thinking about. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#156. So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?"

"That's right. My mother's folks are from Killarney."

"Oh, really?"

"O'Reilly, actually. But what's a vowel between friends?"

"Very good. You should be on the stage."

"It's funny you should mention that."

The passport officer groaned. Ten more minutes and his shift would have been over. "I was being sarcastic, actually. . ."

"Because my friend, Mr. McGuire, and I are also doing a stint in the Christmas pantomime. It's Snow White. I'm Doc, and he's Dopey."

The passport officer forced a smile. "Very good. Next."

Mulch spoke for the entire line to hear. "Of course, Mr. McGuire there was born to play Dopey, if you catch my drift."

Loafers lost it right there in the terminal. "You little freak!" he screamed. "I'll kill you! You'll be my next tattoo! You'll be my next tattoo!"

Much tutted as Loafers disappeared beneath half a dozen security guards.

"Actors," he said. "Highly strung. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#157. No alcohol, Riley." She nodded at the screen. "How are you liking the twenty-first century?"
Riley burped. "The Take That are most melodic. And God bless Harry Potter is all I can say. If not for him, all of London would have been consumed by the dark arts. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#158. I am not exuding anything," said Holly through gritted teeth.
Orion tapped her shoulder. "I beg to differ. You're exuding right now, a wonderful aura. It's pastel blue with little dolphins. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#159. Now before we get into anything, ladies, no scratching, no spitting and no tattling to mummy. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#160. Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told.
Artemis Fowl #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#161. It'll be messy, but after a day you'll be zipping around as though you were a thousand years old again. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#162. You think I suffer, with all the people I have killed, the hundreds of lives I have destroyed. Should not demons visit me at night? Should I not be tormented by guilt? Sometimes I lie still in my be and wait for judgement, but it never arrives. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#163. It's a game box. They were invented so teenagers wouldn't have to talk to grownups. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#164. Tea? At the beach? No time for luxuries, Holly. There is important work to be done." He winked at Butler.
"Are you sure you're at the library? I thought I heard water."
Artemis smiled, enjoying the exchange. "Water? Surely not. The only thing flowing here is information."
"Are you grinning, Artemis? For some reason I get the feeling that you're wearing that smug smile of yours. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#165. If you're going to read five books, three should be issues and two for fun. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#166. I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#167. He's a gem, sir. I wish I had one just like him." He rattled the ring of keys on Artemis's belt. "And what are these?" Artemis scratched his head. "Uh, keys? #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#168. ...Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#169. Just a minute, Miss Frazetti, I'm getting dressed.'
'Hurry it up, Mo,' snapped Carla, her voice crackly through the cheap speakers. 'I'm getting old
here. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#170. Orion sniffed. "Good. Then, worthy centaur, perhaps you could give me a ride to the village on your way back. Then I can make a few pennies wth my verses while you build us a shack and perform circus tricks for passersby."
This was such a surprising statement that Foaly briefly considered jumping into the hole to get away. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#171. I want you to know, my dear friend, that without you, I would not be the person I am today." He leaned in close and whispered, "I was a broken boy, and you fixed me. Thank you. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#172. The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#173. Careful, Mr. Spiro, guns are dangerous. Especially the end with the hole. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#174. I miss my suits... #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#175. I feel a little dizzy," said Orion. "But also wonderfully elated. I feel that I am on the verge of finding a rhyme for the word orange."
"Oxygen deprivation," said Foaly. "Or maybe it's just him. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#176. THE BOOKE OF THE PEOPLE. BEING INSTRUCTIONS TO OUR MAGICKS AND LIFE RULES. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#177. When it had all become too much for the pixie, her brain had simply shut down, all except the most vital functions. She still breathed, and occasionally the monitors registered a dream spike in her brainwaves. But other than that, for all intents and purposes, Opal Koboi was no more. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#178. Helen slipped her fingers into the top of his breeks and pulled on the cord holding them up.
An infant's cry squealed from inside the cottage.
Eoin touched his forehead to hers and chuckled. "It appears we timed things a bit late."
Helen took in a ragged breath. "Will you remember where we are until we're alone this eve?"
He nuzzled against her ear. "I'll be thinking of it every moment until then."
Maggie's cries rose until they bordered on panic stricken.
Helen gave him one last kiss. "Then I shall hold you to it. #Quote by Amy Jarecki

#179. Just what we need," moaned Holly. "Artemis Fowl with magical powers. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#180. Blow it Chix. Blow that door off it's damn hinges."
"Yessir. Off it's damn hinges. That's a roger. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#181. I'm on my feet, pacing around the room, punching a fist into my palm, which I stop doing when I realise how drama queen it feels. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#182. ..Just two short guys home for the holidays.'
Loafers bristled.
'What do you mean two short guys?'
Carla snapped the compact shut.
'Who are you talking to, McGuire? Because you couldn't be talking to me. Not in that tone.'
Loafers paled, his life flashing before him.
'I'm sorry, Miss Frazetti. It's just the short thing. I've been listening to it my whole life.'
'What do you want people to call you? Lofty? You're short, Loafers. Get over it. That's what
gives you your edge. My godfather always says there's nothing more dangerous than a short guy
with something to prove. That's why you've got a job. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#183. When I went to school, I was already reading and writing. In fact, I was offended that the other kids couldn't. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#184. Here we go again, boys. Off on another adventure. This time busting Riley's brother out of prison. There will be danger; there will be spills and thrills. There will be knives and there will be guns and there will be people saying stupid things at the worst possible time."
"Probably me!" said Bob cheerfully.
"So we need a motto, something to keep us going when the odds are against us."
"Like the wind beneath our wings?" asked Riley.
"No, not like that. And thanks for putting that song in my head, by the way. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#185. You know something, Fowl? You did a good thing here. For its own sake. Not one penny of profit."
Artemis grimaced. "I know! I'm appalled! #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#186. Everything rests on the poisoned wine. If it were just the queen, I could force it down her gullet, but Declan Broekhart would run me through with that damned ceremonial sword, and if his wife's stares were daggers, he'd be dead already. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#187. A fifeteen-year old, of to save the world, with faries. - Angeline Fowl #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#188. Holly winked. 'Do I look like a fly boy to you, Fowl?'
Artemis had to admit that she didn't. Captain Short was extremely pretty in a dangerous sort of way. Black-widow pretty. Artemis was expecting puberty to hit in approximately eight months, and he suspected that at that point he would look at Holly in a different light. It was probably just as well that she was eighty years old. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#189. ... even one centimetre can make an awful lot of difference when you don't have many to spare. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#190. Listen to me, convict. I have not traveled all this way to listen to your war stories. So shut your trap before I shut it for you.
Commander Julius Root #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#191. As the clinic's janitors, it had been a simple matter for Merv and Scant to plant the acid balloons the previous evening. Of #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#192. Anything else, Butler?"
"The cosh, sir. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#193. Quickly, Holly," said Artemis urgently. "Follow those bubbles."
Holly opened the throttle. "Now there's an order I never thought I'd hear from you. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#194. It can play solitaire and minesweeper, replied Artemis innocently. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#195. Commander: What's that?
Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like? #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#196. I'm not threatening you. I'm just informing you of police procedure. If you continue to obstruct me, I remove the obstruction, in this case you, and proceed to the next command. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#197. Wait," said Butler. "Just wait, Holly. Artemis has a plan." He squinted through the green dome. "What is your plan, Artemis?"
All Artemis could do was smile and shrug. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#198. Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#199. Yes. Because every family needs a laser for thier family jet. #Quote by Eoin Colfer

#200. There are always a few bored audience members at an opera, especially by the time act four comes along. Those particular eyes would be wandering around the hall, searching for something, anything, interesting to watch. Those eyes would land on the little demon downstage right, unless they were distracted.
Right on cue, a large stage lamp broke free of its clamp in the rigging and swung on its cable into the back canvas. [ ... ]
On his way though the lobby minutes later, Artemis was highly amuse to overhear several audience members gushing over the unorthodox direction of the opera's final scene. The exploding lamp, muse one buff, was doubtless a metaphor for Norma's own falling star. But no, argued a second. The lamp was obviously a modernistic interpretation of the burning stake that Norma was about to face.
Or perhaps, thought Artemis as he pushed through the crowd to find a light Sicilian mist falling on his forehead, the exploding lamp was simply an exploding lamp. #Quote by Eoin Colfer