Clg Funny Quotes

#1. Frankly, most of my friends hold very different political beliefs. It's just a funny thing in this country that supposedly you can't sit down and have dinner and enjoy another person's company if you don't have the same beliefs. It's ridiculous. #Quote by Patricia Heaton

#2. Something funny certainly happens when palladium and platinum come into contact with hydrogen gas; it's one of the great mysteries still waiting to be solved on the periodic table. But it's quite a leap from 'something funny' to cold fusion. #Quote by Sam Kean

#3. Jocko likes salty, Jocko likes sweet, but never bring Jocko any hot sauce, like with jalapenos, because it makes Jocko squirt funny-smelling stuff out his ears. #Quote by Dean Koontz

#4. This was now officially the most inane conversation in which Griff had ever been a participant - and that included a drunken debate with Del over ostrich racing.

"The color isn't too awful?" She twisted a fold of the skirt. "The draper called it 'dewy petal,' but your mother said the shade was more of a 'frosted berry.' What do you say?"

"I'm a man, Simms. Unless we're discussing nipples, I don't see the value in these distinctions. #Quote by Tessa Dare

#5. It's been so many years since I actually had a date that I've forgotten how to act. You don't mention your ex when you've finished fucking your date; it's poor protocol #Quote by Scarlet Blackwell

#6. Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there. #Quote by Bill Madlock

#7. As chemists, we must rename [our] scheme and insert the symbols Ba, La, Ce in place of Ra, Ac, Th. As nuclear chemists closely associated with physics, we cannot yet convince ourselves to make this leap, which contradicts all previous experience in nuclear physics. #Quote by Otto Hahn

#8. Me too, Arch," Jeremiah said. "I want an answer about my request to transfer. Even now, my balls are shrinking in anticipation of going back out in the cold. I said I'd give my life protecting humanity, but my balls were never in the bargain. #Quote by Rose Wynters

#9. My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich. #Quote by Chuck Palahniuk

#10. Cricket is a pressure game, and when it comes to an India-Pakistan match the pressure is doubled. #Quote by Imran Khan

#11. Good Lord, that has to be the homeliest woman I have ever laid eyes on. My horse's face is better-looking. #Quote by Kathleen Bittner Roth

#12. Go slowly, so that you do not bite your tail by accident. #Quote by Christopher Paolini

#13. Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them. #Quote by Evan Esar

#14. Here's a guy who can use his arms and legs at the same time. #Quote by John Madden

#15. There was nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. #Quote by Ross Macdonald

#16. In the spirit of the Olympic Games, they traditionally ask that all fighting and warfare around the world stop. So, there's hope for a ceasefire within the Jackson family. #Quote by Jay Leno

#17. A kiss is like a fight, with mouths. #Quote by Kristen Schaal

#18. It's not common for a woman on television, especially if she's the mom of the family, to be funny. She's usually a straight man or foil. #Quote by Martha Plimpton

#19. Justin Timberlake is everything, and what more could you want in a person? He's funny. He's cute. He's great. He just understands. I get him and he gets me, and that's cool. #Quote by Britney Spears

#20. A lot of the tabloid stories are written so well, they're very clever and very funny. But you have to focus on what's really important and not read them - don't dive into it and don't get caught up in it. #Quote by Calista Flockhart

#21. One of the most asked questions about the stories told in my family is "How much of that is true?" Of course, the answer depends on who is telling the story. There is no doubt that Uncle Si is the most entertaining storyteller among the Robertson clan. One of his most famous stories is about the time his secondhand smoke made a deer cough. The story came about after many members of my family jokingly refused to let Si hunt our deer stands because of the odor he left behind. Deer hunters know the best survival defense for a deer is his sense of smell. Si seems to think that is just a superstition and has a coughing deer story to prove it.
Even though Si has quit smoking, we encourage him to hunt his own stand with the wind blowing in his face for best results. What makes Si's stories so funny is his passion and mannerisms in telling them. #Quote by Jase Robertson

#22. The client is not always right. #Quote by Enzo Ferrari

#23. I find blow jobs to be highly respectable. In fact, I can't think of many things I respect more than your lips around my cock. #Quote by Heather M. Orgeron

#24. Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until the day you die. And then some. Mum, there is nothing to forgive. You gave me life. And, hey, you're not crazy anymore. Everybody thinks I am. Real funny, mum. #Quote by Christopher Titus

#25. They say the content and the cover are the most important things when it comes to a book or a novel, right? I totally disagree – The reader is the most important thing to a book #Quote by Jimmy Tudeski

#26. I went in and said, "If I see one more gratuitous shot of a woman's body, I'm quitting ... " I think the show should be emotional story lines, morals, real- life heroes. And that's what we're doing #Quote by David Hasselhoff

#27. When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed. #Quote by Bo Burnham

#28. It's funny because every time I go to a shoot, and I have clothes on, they inevitably come off. I just did one recently and the stylist was like, "So ... " and you just know that they are going to get to the point where they say "Can you take your clothes off?" #Quote by Marc Jacobs

#29. All gods are better than their reputation. #Quote by Mark Twain

#30. Coca-Cola remains emblematic of the best and worst of America and Western civilization. The history of Coca-Cola is the often funny story of a group of men obsessed with putting a trivial soft drink "within an arm's reach of desire." But at the same time, it is a microcosm of American history. Coca-Cola grew up with the country, shaping and shaped by the times. The drink not only helped to alter consumption patterns, but attitudes toward leisure, work, advertising, sex, family life, and patriotism. #Quote by Mark Pendergrast

#31. READ! Books can be as delicious as hot-fudge sundaes, as funny as clowns, as exciting as a baseball game that's tied in the 9th inning, and as beautiful as the best sunset you ever saw. #Quote by Judith Viorst

#32. I am really terrible when it comes to guys. Inside, I just see myself as this overweight tomboy with funny-coloured hair and bad skin. #Quote by Katie McGrath