Chinese Joke Quotes

#1. I often joke that 100 years from now I hope people are saying, 'Dang, she looks good for her age!' #Quote by Dolly Parton

#2. The Chinese government attaches importance to, and protects, human rights. We have incorporated these lines into the Chinese constitution, and we also implement the stipulation in real earnest. I think for any government, what is most important is to ensure that its people enjoy each and every right given to them by the constitution. #Quote by Wen Jiabao

#3. The Chinese say it's better to be deprived of food for three days than tea for one. #Quote by Khaled Hosseini

#4. That would be me," I said. "Good afternoon, gentlemen. Is this a joke?" "I beg your pardon?" the older fellow inquired politely, a faint smile on his narrow face. He sounded like an English butler. "You know, a tall priest and a short rabbi walk into a pagan bookstore ... " "What?" He looked down at his companion, seeming to realize for the first time that he was quite a bit shorter and in fact of a different religious order than he. "Oh, gracious, I suppose it must seem amusing at that." He didn't seem amused, though. #Quote by Kevin Hearne

#5. A first novel of astonishing force, craft and beauty, The Headmaster's Wager conjures up a dizzyingly evocative wartime Saigon in the story of Percival Chen, a Chinese schoolmaster in Vietnam. This extraordinary book made me weep. Read it. #Quote by Janice Y.K. Lee

#6. Horror can damage your brain" - HAHAHAHA the best joke ever heard (It was said by GreenHollyWood". I really don't believe in that in case I use them to relax! #Quote by Deyth Banger

#7. Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain't over 'til you both get your cookie. #Quote by Alec Baldwin

#8. Strict seriousness was far more dangerous than any joke. #Quote by Saul Bellow

#9. A joke I used to repeat in those days was: Why be happy when you can be interesting? I knew how to be interesting. There was power in being a spectacle, even a miserable spectacle. The punch and the line. Interesting: sentences like serrated blades, laughter like machine-gun rounds, a drink in one hand, a borrowed cigarette in the other. If you could draw enough glances, any room could orbit around you. #Quote by Saeed Jones

#10. But in the end, he's just another dead rat in a garbage pail behind a Chinese restaurant. #Quote by Wes Anderson

#11. I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. #Quote by Carol Burnett

#12. It's not that students don't "get" Kafka's humor but that we've taught them to see humor as something you get
the same way we've taught them that a self is something you just have. No wonder they cannot appreciate the really central Kafka joke
that the horrific struggle to establish a human self results in a self whose humanity is inseparable from that horrific struggle. That our endless and impossible journey toward home is in fact our home. It's hard to put into words up at the blackboard, believe me. You can tell them that maybe it's good they don't "get" Kafka. You can ask them to imagine his art as a kind of door. To envision us readers coming up and pounding on this door, pounding and pounding, not just wanting admission but needing it, we don't know what it is but we can feel it, this total desperation to enter, pounding and pushing and kicking, etc. That, finally, the door opens ... and it opens outward: we've been inside what we wanted all along. Das ist komisch. #Quote by David Foster Wallace

#13. The Chinese government sometimes shuts down the Internet and mobile services in specific areas where unrest occurs. #Quote by Rebecca MacKinnon

#14. Fashion has become a joke. The designers have forgotten that there are women inside the dresses. Most women dress for men and want to be admired. But they must also be able to move, to get into a car without bursting their seams! Clothes must have a natural shape. #Quote by Coco Chanel

#15. The American electorate are getting disgusted with weaklings who blow where the wind takes them while frittering away our precious lifeblood and borrowing money from our new owners, the Chinese. #Quote by Cindy Sheehan

#16. Studies of immigration show that this resistance to heart disease is not just something in African or Chinese genes. When people move from low-risk to high-risk areas, disease rates skyrocket as they adopt Western diets and lifestyles. #Quote by Michael Greger

#17. Crishna, the Hindoo virgin-born Saviour, was born in a cave, [156:1] fostered by an honest herdsman, [156:2] and, it is said, placed in a sheep-fold shortly after his birth. How-Tseih, the Chinese "Son of Heaven," when an infant, was left unprotected by his mother, but the sheep and oxen protected him with loving care. [156:3] Abraham, the Father of Patriarchs, is said to have been born in a cave. [156:4] Bacchus, who was the son of God by the virgin Semele, is said to have been born in a cave, or placed in one shortly after #Quote by Thomas William Doane

#18. and in that she's not merely pretty. It wouldn't be an overstatement to call her, as Dr. D once did, "a boldly sapient creature of divine enchantment." Form, I think, is dialectically related to content. And in fact it's perhaps her not-mere-prettiness, her intellect and sense of style and kindness and competency and good joke timing and infectious joy for life, etc., that have, to my mind (and, believe me, many others'), elevated her from the more crowded and clamorous ranks of the pretty to the rarified stratum of the beautiful. Something about her suggests the endless unfolding of possibilities. Ana #Quote by Alena Graedon

#19. Hélène Lagonelle's body is heavy, innocent still, her skin's as soft as that of certain fruits, you almost can't grasp her, she's almost illusory, it's too much. She makes you want to kill her, she conjures up a marvelous dream of putting her to death with your own hands. Those flour-white shapes, she bears them unknowingly, and offers them for hands to knead, for lips to eat, without holding them back, without any knowledge of them and without any knowledge of their fabulous power. I'd like to eat Hélène Lagonelle's breasts as he eats mine in the room in the Chinese town where I go every night to increase my knowledge of God. I'd like to devour and be devoured by those flour-white breasts of hers.
I am worn out with desire for Hélène Lagonelle.
I am worn out with desire.
I want to take Hélène Lagonelle with me to where every evening, my eyes shut, I have imparted to me the pleasure that makes you cry out. I'd like to give Hélène Lagonelle to the man who does that to me, so he may do it in turn to her. I want it to happen in my presence, I want her to do it as I wish, I want her to give herself where I give myself. It's via Hélène Lagonelle's body, through it, that the ultimate pleasure would pass from him to me.
A pleasure unto death. #Quote by Marguerite Duras

#20. In Chinese, there is another phrase about love. It is not used for passionate love but the love between family members. In translation, it means I hurt for you. #Quote by Weike Wang

#21. Similarly the animal psychologist, Aristophanes, accidentally discovered the world's first joke while inquiring into the hitherto mysterious motivations of pathway-traversing fowl. #Quote by George Pendle

#22. No doubt he was smiling. He smiled a lot, as if the world were a secret joke that only he was clever enough to understand. #Quote by George R R Martin

#23. There is one door and so far more windows..., do you know why??...
One door for enter and many windows for exit! #Quote by Deyth Banger

#24. Yet as one senior administration official noted to me, 'People who blithely say that we'd win a trade war because China obviously couldn't sustain the damage caused by cutting off their goods are just naive and silly.' Any significant trade restrictions the United States imposed on China would swiftly lead to an equally harmful retaliation on the United States. That is why the most effective lobbyists against tariffs on Chinese goods are American companies that buy from China, do business in China, or have ventures with Chinese firms. So as Obama's outburst [of 'I need leverage!' to staff on a visit to Asia in 2011] underscored, the form of leverage threatened most often by Washington politicians looking for an easy applause line actually offers little leverage at all. #Quote by David E. Sanger

#25. To such men the desperate and horrible thought has come that perhaps the whole of human life is but a bad joke, a violent and ill-fated abortion of the primal mother, a savage and dismal catastrophe of nature. To them, too, however, the other thought has come that man is perhaps not merely a half-rational animal but a child of the gods and destined to immortality. #Quote by Hermann Hesse

#26. I get just as much of a thrill out of constructing a good sentence that gets a laugh at the end as I do from a joke. #Quote by Julian Clary

#27. I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically. #Quote by David Cross

#28. Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. #Quote by Don Rickles

#29. We're weird guys. I don't know if a lot of people get our humor. A lot of people probably think we're jerks. We're real sarcastic. Really ironic and stuff. We mean well, but we joke around probably a lot more than we should. #Quote by Brendon Urie

#30. As we are a doomed race, chained to a sinking ship, as the whole thing is a bad joke, let us, at any rate, do our part; mitigate the suffering of our fellow-prisoners; decorate the dungeon with flowers and air-cushions; be as decent as we possibly can. #Quote by Virginia Woolf

#31. Traditional Chinese administration was a well-oiled machine, which, barring a crisis, would keep ticking over. Initiatives were not required and rarely offered. State policies depended almost entirely on the dynamism of the throne. #Quote by Jung Chang

#32. Thought you were making a James Band Joke. Hard to tell with that accent #Quote by G. Norman Lippert

#33. With all my heart I beseech and beg my two hundred million female compatriots to assume their responsibility as citizens. Arise! Arise! Chinese women, arise! #Quote by Qiu Jin

#34. When people think that politics is a joke, they then deserve the jokers that rule them. #Quote by Jit Sharma

#35. She imagined the trade in meanings as a kind of game, in which tokens shaped like mahjong tiles were exchanged and switched. Signs moved from one world to another, clacked together, made new sequences. A man in Bolshevik Russia became virtually Chinese; a world unfolded from a paper envelope. This game existed in the borderless continent of her father's head. She could see how he concentrated: 'cher' in Russian, 'neve' in Italian, 'snow' in English, until he arrived at the sound 'xue', and then the character: the radical symbol for rain, the strokes for frozen, the little block of marks that revealed the transition from alphabets to ideograms. #Quote by Gail Jones

#36. Life is pure farce from beginning to end, with a little
black comedy thrown in for shade. If it was anything
else, mankind would have stuck his collective head in
the gas oyen years ago. No one could tolerate seventy
years of tragedy. When I die - probably of cancer -
Jane has prornised to put on my tombstone: "Here
lies Anne Cattrell who laughed her way through it.
The joke was on her but at least she knew it." (The Ice House) #Quote by Minette Walters

#37. I'm not allowed to make a joke. It is a bit unfair how I'm treated. I thought it was a joke. I got calls and messages. I would rather not to have to worry about things like that. It is disappointing. #Quote by Andy Murray

#38. My friends joke that I'm dead until I get onstage. I'm dead right now as you're speaking to me. #Quote by Lady Gaga

#39. If you would take, you must first give, this is the beginning of intelligence. #Quote by Lao-Tzu

#40. Beauty is not long hair, skinny legs,
tanned skin or perfect teeth. Believe me.
Beauty is the face of who cried and now
smiles, beauty is the scar on your knee
since you fell when you were a kid,
beauty is the circles when love doesn't
let you sleep, beauty is the expression
on the face when the alarm rings in the
morning, it's the melted makeup when
you have a shower, it's the laughter when
you make a joke you're the only one who
can understand, beauty is meeting his
gaze and stopping understanding,
beauty is your gaze when you see him,
it's when you cry for all you paranoias,
beauty is the lines marked by time.
Beauty is what we feel in the inside
which also shows outside us. Beauty is
the marks the life leaves on us, all the
kicks and the caresses the memories
leave us. Beauty is letting yourself live. #Quote by Emma Watson

#41. The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like 'Mad Men' is disgusting. It's a super disgusting part of our culture, but I still find it funny to make a joke about it. #Quote by Jonah Hill

#42. Percy, meet Gladiola. Gladiola, Percy."
I stared at Annabeth, figuring she'd crack up at this practical joke they were playing on me, but she looked deadly serious.
"I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle," I said. "Forget it."
"Percy," Annabeth said. "I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle." The poodle growled.
"I said hello to the poodle. #Quote by Rick Riordan

#43. Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome. #Quote by T. S. Eliot

#44. I have a comic character - my sister said that I'm the victim of every joke I tell. #Quote by Maria Bamford

#45. We joke about it in the entertainment industry: Every actor wants to be a musician, and every musician wants to be an actor. #Quote by Lance Bass

#46. Try stuff. I also used to believe that it's better to be smart than lucky because if you're smart you can out-think the competition. I don't believe that anymore-this is not to say that you should strive for a high level of stupidity. My point is that luck is a big part of many successes, so (a) don't get too bummed out when you see a bozo succeed; and (b) luck favors the people who try stuff, not simply think and analyze. As the Chinese say, "One must wait for a long time with your mouth open before a Peking duck flies in your mouth." #Quote by Guy Kawasaki

#47. They taught the women that the home is a shame and in doing so, they successfully decomposed nations. Instead of it being the greatest honour to build a family, it became a laughingstock. And in this becoming, they successfully deconstructed nations. They taught the men that loyalty is merely an option and in doing so, they successfully destroyed nations. Instead of it being the greatest pride to love one woman, it became a joke, a funny side comment. And in this becoming, they successfully poisoned nations. Your home is your atom, your cell, your genome. Your love is your honour, your word, your truth. You wonder why we live in deconstructed nations, you ask one another why you live on torn fibres, cracked ground, and yet you continue to listen to what they tell you. You have put shame where there should be a throne, you have placed a joke where there should be a crown. You have successfully destroyed your nations. #Quote by C. JoyBell C.